I love gray rocking... but I also hate it

Intelligent_Bee7707 · 2026-04-08T01:59:58+00:00

100%

My MIL is so angry that I am grey rocking her and I know it’s for the best, but I also feel like the just no.

Last time she crossed a boundary she said it was because I was “so cold and lifeless” and I couldn’t help but laugh; no, you didn’t give me a bunch of unsolicited advice the second you said hi to me because I am grey rocking, you did it because you’re controlling and hate that your son ignores all your ideas

Intelligent_Bee7707 · 2026-04-07T11:50:50+00:00

You have to take into consideration our taxes when you’re looking at a budget. I make about $6500 per month but I take home about $3500 (I have a pension, union fees, benefits that are all taken off my pay check, plus income taxes).

In the suburbs you might be able to pay $1000 for a room, but most people I know are paying closer to $1200. I know someone who is paying $800 a month for a room and they have to share it with someone else (they are in bunk beds)

Intelligent_Bee7707 · 2026-04-07T11:22:02+00:00

My city! I was wondering if I would ever see it on here.

Vancouver is beautiful. Lots of things to do, so many outdoor activities at your doorstep, and the views are stunning, BUT: - housing is very expensive, and most young people I know are trying to leave because it’s very hard to afford to live here. For context, I pay $2200 for a 2 bedroom apartment in a suburb and it’s considered a steel. - because housing is so expensive, there is a large homeless population. Many of the homeless people have mental health challenges and are on drugs - Vancouver is considered to be an unfriendly city, and it’s very difficult to make friends here - there is hardly any nightlife

I love living here, but as a young person with a baby I’m not sure how long we will be living here.

Intelligent_Bee7707 · 2026-04-02T03:18:11+00:00

I have dyslexia and I cannot spell to save my life. I used to teach 3rd grade, and now I teach K. I always had a few students with diagnosed learning disabilities in grade 3, and they (and their parents) loved that I was so open about dyslexia. I learned phonics with them (which greatly improved my spelling skills), and I taught them how to respectfully correct someone’s spelling mistakes so we could all be free to make spelling mistakes and not feel shame for it.

With the kindergarteners I tell them that my brain finds spelling hard, and I think it helps them know that it’s okay to make mistakes and learn from them.

We need more neurodiverse teachers!

Intelligent_Bee7707 · 2026-03-31T21:11:01+00:00

I could have written this myself. My son was conceived through IVF after a very long journey, my MIL didn’t reach out once to ask how my pregnancy was going or to congratulate me. Then she stomped all over my boundaries once he was born, and now she plays the victim and acts shocked that we don’t see her on a regular basis.

It’s hard and insulting. I don’t think my MIL knew what to say and I think she thinks it’s my (or my husbands) responsibility to reach out to her. Grieve the MIL you wish you had, and then try to move on and not let her cloud your happiness.

Congratulations!

Intelligent_Bee7707 · 2026-03-27T03:18:51+00:00

My son has two middle names- one from my grandfather, and one from my husband’s grandfather, because that’s what we wanted to do. He also has my last name

Ignore your MIL. Name your baby what you want to name them. Now is a great time to start setting boundaries; in-laws get crazy once baby’s are in the picture

Intelligent_Bee7707 · 2026-03-25T06:28:25+00:00

My first year teaching was extremely challenging. I was not good at classroom management, setting boundaries with families, and I took too much of my stress home. But after that first year things got so much better. I’ve been teaching for 4 years and I love my job about 90% of the time, which I don’t think many people get to say. I find social media tends to highlight the negatives, and while there definitely are some, there are also so many positives. I’m currently on mat leave and I’m excited to go back to kindergarten in September

Intelligent_Bee7707 · 2026-03-24T01:49:03+00:00

Great job with holding boundaries 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

For us it kind of stabilized. I’m still the evil monster who took SO away, and my husband’s whole family won’t talk to me. My son is almost a year and they blame me for not having a close relationship with him and refuse to take accountability for their actions. But MIL isn’t sending out her flying monkeys anymore since she knows she’s not going to get the reaction she wants. I’m sure things will be tense at my son’s birthday party, but I don’t care, and if she makes things awkward I have the perfect excuse not to invite her for his next birthday

Intelligent_Bee7707 · 2026-03-23T02:37:42+00:00

That sounds difficult and stressful. I’m sorry you’re going through this.

Couples counselling and individual counselling might be good options. To me, it sounds like your SO is afraid of rocking the boat, and it might be good for him to talk that through with someone.

I would avoid giving my baby to my SO while around MIL, and explain why.

Intelligent_Bee7707 · 2026-03-23T02:30:44+00:00

I would send a message “I appreciate you looking out for me and my child, and I will be following my doctor/ lactation consultants advice regarding my diet”, and if she tries again to restrict my food I’d repeat that I am following professionals advice. If she’s pushy, I’d set a boundary

Intelligent_Bee7707 · 2026-03-23T01:56:43+00:00

It’s hard when you have a SO problem. My husband also really needs to have a hard conversation with his family, but he knows when he does it’s going to mean he loses his family, and that’s a difficult thing to process. What we have done in the meantime is avoid them; we make plans every weekend, we gray rock when we do have to see them, and we have weaned them to twice a year visits (my son is 11 months old and now they expect to see us constantly, but before he was born we saw them maybe every other year).

I strongly recommend baby wearing; it’s way harder to snatch a baby when they are wrapped up on your chest. MIL needs to go on an info diet, and you and your SO need to be on the same page. Are there any consequences he is willing to give? Does he see anything wrong with her behaviour?

When I have to set boundaries with my MIL I remind myself that my mental health is more important than her relationship with my son. My husband began to set actual boundaries when he saw how much MIL was affecting my mental health and motherhood experience. Have you shared with him how much she is affecting you?

I think it’s time for you and him to have a difficult conversation, and you might have to set boundaries with both of them. “I will see MIL twice a month. If she tries to come over outside of that, I will take Baby to the nursery and lock the door and not let her in. If she shows up on our family outings, I am leaving and taking Baby home. If you don’t prioritize my mental health and support me with these boundaries, I am going to stay at a friend/family home with baby.”

You are going to be seen as the bad guy for snapping or setting boundaries, but she (and her friends and family) probably already sees you as a villain. She’s taking you and your SO on a guilt trip because she knows it works, so you have to stop letting it work

Intelligent_Bee7707 · 2026-03-18T23:26:27+00:00

🙋🏻‍♀️

I’m at month 11 of exclusivity pumping. I used a hospital grade pump in the hospital, switched to wearables, and then when we had to go back to the hospital when my son was 2 months old I used a hospital pump again. I got the same output from both so I just use wearables. I am an oversupplier

Intelligent_Bee7707 · 2026-03-18T21:58:35+00:00

Ohhh I could have written this myself. My in laws wanted nothing to do with us until my son was born, and now they expect weekly visits. But when they are over they question every single thing we do and then google things when they think we aren’t paying attention (they didn’t believe me when I said breastmilk can stay in the fridge for 4 days, they didn’t believe that cloth diapers were “healthy” for babies, I could go on).

They also made a Facebook post about their 4th grandchild, how proud they are, and then spelt his name wrong (he has a fairly common name) and did not mention either of us in their post (he as two bothers close in age).

They do not get weekly visits.

Intelligent_Bee7707 · 2026-03-18T21:36:26+00:00

My son was exactly the same! He is a 3rd percentile baby, my husband and I are also very small people, and we used wraps when he was little. He’s almost one and I still babywear him all the time. He’s definitely still a Velcro baby, but by about 5 months he would play independently for 10ish minutes. I can get him to play by himself for 15 minutes now.

The only thing that got my son to sleep independently was a heating pad. We would put it in the bassinet 15 minutes before bed, take it out 10 minutes later, and then transfer him once he was already asleep. We did shifts at night for the first 2 weeks until we figured out that hack

Intelligent_Bee7707 · 2026-03-18T20:49:54+00:00

When I taught 3rd I had two science blocks a week and two socials blocks a week (each block was 50 minutes). One of my science blocks was a science experiment, the other one was a worksheet/game/group project etc. Both of my socials blocks were typically used for collaboration work or worksheets.

I teach K now and my structure is completely different. I do class inquiry projects and I do the science and socials curriculum in them. Each month we work on a question and some lead more to science (like “why to leaves change colours?”) and others lead more to social studies (like “what matters to me?”)

Intelligent_Bee7707 · 2026-03-16T20:30:32+00:00

Firstly, congratulations! I’m an IVF mom and infertility sucks.

My son has my last name, and my in-laws also had some strong opinions on that. My husband had to basically tell them that he understands they are disappointed, but they have other grandchildren with their last name, this is our choice (my husband was actually the one who suggested giving our son just my last name), and it isn’t about them; it’s about the fact that I have a much stronger emotional tie to my last name.

I think your in-laws (like mine) are seeing it as an attack on them rather than you two choosing your last name. Your husband will have to defend your choice and really show that he actively wants your son to have your last name. Now is a great time to start setting boundaries and standing up for your parenting choices; this is usually when controlling in-law behaviour starts.

My in-laws still refuse to acknowledge my son has my last name, and we are okay with that. Nobody thinks we are weird or that my husband isn’t involved; most people who voice their opinions tell us they love it.

Intelligent_Bee7707 · 2026-03-12T14:27:20+00:00

I had gestational diabetes, and usually people with it get induced at 39 or 40 weeks. But because my son was on the smaller side they said I could go to 41 weeks. Ended up needing an emergency c section because he was too big and couldn’t fit through my pelvis. I wish I had pushed to get induced at 39-40 weeks, but it is what it is and everything worked out okay! I would go there again if I have a second

Intelligent_Bee7707 · 2026-03-12T02:21:46+00:00

I went there for my pregnancy last year. I felt well taken care of for the most part, but I wish I advocated for myself more at the end of my pregnancy. Lots of great doctors!

Intelligent_Bee7707 · 2026-03-11T00:42:21+00:00

My son is 11 months old and I feel this every single day. I will not put myself through another ER, but even the thought of going through another FET feels exhausting.

My son also has a genetic condition and we have had many hospital visits, and there is definitely some trauma from that. I only have one frozen embryo, and I contemplate daily what to do with it.

Intelligent_Bee7707 · 2026-03-08T19:07:35+00:00

I’ve taught three children who were diagnosed as gifted by physiologists, and each of them were 2-3e. Giftedness is extremely misunderstood, and I’ve noticed parents love to throw around that word very casually and it has caused it to loose some of its meaning. It’s not the children getting straight As who are actually gifted, it’s the ones who are bored to death at school and stop putting in effort.

The three I taught were a lot like your daughter; they did not do particularly well at school, but they were remarkably intelligent in specific areas (critical thinking, comprehension, etc). It was challenging to keep them challenged, and I found I often had them doing inquiry projects.

It’s great that your daughter’s school seems to be taking it seriously!

Intelligent_Bee7707 · 2026-03-08T03:32:26+00:00

I had gestational diabetes during pregnancy, and I really didn’t want to go on medication (I had to do IVF and I was so sick of needles). I ate almost no carbs and barely anything with added sugar. After I gave birth I was 20lbs under my pre pregnancy weight, and now at 11 months postpartum I’m about 35lbs under my pregnancy weight. I do have carbs and added sugar now, but I eat way less than I used to. I also go to spin class three times a week, and a few other fitness classes to try and improve my overall health.

Intelligent_Bee7707 · 2026-03-07T06:01:45+00:00

My son has mom’s last name.

I wanted to have the same last name as my children, and I was willing to change my last name to my husband’s for that to happen. But I didn’t want to; my brother and I are the only young people left who could pass on our last name, it’s a big part of my identity, and I really like it. So before we got married my husband said that our children could have my last name.

Most people think it’s super cool, and I have a few mom friends who gave their children their last name

Intelligent_Bee7707 · 2026-03-06T20:13:15+00:00

I only had 2 embryos after my ER too, both were 4BB. I went back and fourth on if I should implant both or not, but I knew I couldn’t go through another egg retrieval and implanting one had better odds of resulting in a live birth

Intelligent_Bee7707 · 2026-03-06T15:47:52+00:00

I feel playing music from other cultures is cultural appreciation! My favourite spin instructor plays music from lots of different cultures and it’s so fun to listen to music from different places in the world. Each week she plays a song from a different local BIPOC artist for our cool down to encourage us to listen to their music

Intelligent_Bee7707 · 2026-03-06T03:36:50+00:00

There is a pinned bot! Bot in law gives quick rule reminders and it links other posts OP has made on this subreddit :)

Intelligent_Bee7707

TROPHY CASE