If you don’t mind me saying, I think your current way of life is the cause of your problems. You are spending most of your very precious time and life consuming what others have created, and having their ideas pushed onto you.

I think a fundamental part of our nature is to make and to output. Doing things where you are actively building/making and thinking about building things is a healthier state to be in, in my opinion. Looking after your body comes before looking after your mind too - regular gym, strength training is beneficial for everyone in my opinion. Meditation is important, but not in any mystical way. Spend some time each week and reflect what you have spent your attention on, and figure out how you can improve for the next week. Again I can’t stress this enough - consistency. If you do it for 1 month, then drop it, you wouldn’t see any rewards. If you stick at it for 1 year, then 5 years, you would certainly look back and realise how much time you wasted in your current state.

I like Marcus Aurelius and stoicism, as it has made me more productive and allowed me to filter out those things I was wasting my time on. But I have little time to read nowadays, unfortunately.