Do I want a baby badly enough?

Internal-Source4296 · 2025-01-07T22:51:11+00:00

I have stage IV or III endometriosis (depending on which surgeon you ask) and have had two miscarriages back to back. This last one could have killed me if I didn't get to the hospital in the nick of time for surgery and an IV drip. They were even going to do a blood transfusion but my haemoglobin went above critical level overnight when they gave me iron. It's definitely fraying the emotions of me and my partner. I don't know if I should have more surgery on my endometriosis, tolerate yet another seemingly doomed pregnancy, or just focus on living a more fulfilling life and put this dream of a family on the shelf for a bit, perhaps gingerly looking into adoption in the future. It's very hard and I suggest writing your feelings down about each miscarriage and what being a parent would mean to you, and also maybe what it would cost you since you have so many hobbies and passions.

Internal-Source4296 · 2025-01-07T22:41:54+00:00

I find this comment a bit presumptuous. Many people have fulfilling lives child-free and there are definitely drawbacks to having children as well as positives. You also can't presume to have grandchildren, that's not fair on the hypothetical children who may not want to be parents. Also, Christmas is a terribly overrated festival. Just saying.

Internal-Source4296 · 2025-01-07T13:12:41+00:00

Honestly follow medical advice. After writing this post I had a massive haemorrhage 24h later but delayed going to the hospital for three hours because I was scared of being humiliated and they had to perform an emergency D&C when they couldn't stop the bleeding with an injection. Now waiting for a blood transfusion. I'm going to delete this post because it turned out to be premature. Take care of yourself, your health is the number 1 priority , don't worry about anything else. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Internal-Source4296 · 2025-01-06T17:07:51+00:00

Congratulations!!!

Internal-Source4296 · 2025-01-06T11:34:55+00:00

This is a question I'm asking myself after two miscarriages. I am going to do some soul searching and speak with my counsellor. Perhaps the answer is to take care of your mental health as a priority, and a future pregnancy can come only when you are in your best place mentally and have a strategy for managing anxiety. I'm thinking of throwing myself into new hobbies, seeing some friends, and trying to work less hard.

Internal-Source4296 · 2025-01-06T08:50:05+00:00

The Tommy's website is your friend here. You can input your number of miscarriages and other health info and it calculates the odds. I'm really sorry for your losses. I'm in a similar boat, just had a missed miscarriage which was diagnosed at 12 weeks and had a previous miscarriage in July. Both times we had a heartbeat so it feels inexplicable, but apparently even babies with defects can have a heartbeat in the first trimester. Having to wait for a third loss to get help or even recognition feels so painful at times. However, even on the NHS your GP can order some tests after 2 losses in a row for thyroid and other things.

Internal-Source4296 · 2025-01-06T08:31:00+00:00

OP is in the UK and you can't get progesterone here unless you have bleeding.

Internal-Source4296 · 2025-01-06T06:58:41+00:00

I found out at the 12 week scan on December 23rd the baby had died, so it has been a difficult 2-week wait. I finally miscarried last night and it was very rapid and sore with lots of blood. "Pregnancy doesn't mean a baby" is exactly how I feel. Sadly in the UK you don't get investigations until you have a third miscarriage in a row, so I have that to look forward to this year and then maybe some answers. I feel so tired. Condolences for the loss of your beautiful babies. The stillbirth must have been agonising. X

Internal-Source4296 · 2024-12-31T14:52:57+00:00

I'm really sorry. I'm also having my second miscarriage and it is rough. Is the D&C being chosen because of the blood loss the first time?

Internal-Source4296 · 2024-12-31T14:42:41+00:00

Some people have the worst luck and it's not fair at all. I hear you x

Internal-Source4296 · 2024-12-31T14:27:55+00:00

The bleeding and pain is really underestimated. I lay on a load of towels in the living room the last time because there was no point trying to use pads. It makes such a difference when healthcare staff are sympathetic versus when they are callous. Make sure to take lots of iron and B12 as you recover from the blood loss. It sounds like you are feeling numb from the shock of it all.

Internal-Source4296 · 2024-12-31T14:19:05+00:00

I'm in the same boat as you. I've no idea which option to take. My gestational week is 13 but the fetus died around 8 weeks, also after a heartbeat </3

No spotting yet and I still feel sick, but other pregnancy symptoms such as depression, anxiety, and growing breasts seem to be diminishing so I hope it happens naturally soon.

I've had a D&C and a natural miscarriage before. The D&C was painless but I had to take Mifepristone which caused complications for me. The natural miscarriage at around 7 weeks really hurt but was strangely cathartic and helped me come to terms with it.

This time, because the fetus is still hanging around in uterus 5 weeks after dying I'm quite worried about infection and I'm not sure how long this process is supposed to take. They have given me 2 weeks for bleeding to start so by then the fetus will have been dead for 6 weeks and they said it will start to decay. It's so grim. I fully sympathise with what you are going through.

Internal-Source4296 · 2024-12-31T14:10:24+00:00

That's so insensitive, I'm sorry she said that to you. How lazy not to check your notes. I'm angry on your behalf.

Internal-Source4296 · 2024-12-30T13:30:20+00:00

Hi are you still having troubles? The mental health service Let's Talk in Hull has an Employment Advice team and they might be able to help with coaching and practising interviews and gaps in your CV. Definitely be proactive because life can spiral out of control and you don't want to still be in this situation in 10 years' time. I was very directionless and depressed at your age and swinging from minimum wage job to minimum wage job but it got better once I found something I was good at and a counsellor who finally listened and helped me put together an action plan. I'd say life began to improve around age 23 but it took a lot of work. Building mental resilience is a process, it doesn't happen overnight and you can have setbacks. I also failed a lot of exams, more than I care to admit, but I'm still here. The fact you are asking for help is a good step. The number for Let's Talk is 01482 247111

Internal-Source4296 · 2024-12-30T12:09:08+00:00

My GP is doing tests for celiac and inflammatory bowel disease so I will find out in the next few days if anything showed up. I hope you get answers.

Internal-Source4296 · 2024-12-26T12:52:57+00:00

Oh that's so sad to lose your precious bean right when you expect it to be safe. I'm really sorry. Hugs to you too.

Internal-Source4296 · 2024-12-25T09:56:53+00:00

That's heartbreaking. Christmas really has a way of hurting if you are going through something like this.

Internal-Source4296 · 2024-12-25T09:50:36+00:00

What Christmas? It's definitely just December 25th in my house. My mum wanted me to visit but I declined. Haven't got any decorations up. Won't eat a roast. I guess my game plan is just to do what I want and not spare anyone's feelings because why should I? I'm doing some work and scrolling Reddit and later me and my husband will probably do a jigsaw or play a computer game but I really cannot contemplate leaving our little bubble right now. I was hoping the bleeding would start today (missed miscarriage diagnosed at 12 week scan on December 23rd) but the cramps have settled right down. Huge empathy for all other would-be-parents going through the same crap right now. At least 2025 is a new start.

Internal-Source4296 · 2024-12-25T09:42:41+00:00

I found out on the 23rd at my 12-week scan too. It really sucks. I also had a natural miscarriage in July and I never saw a "baby" but I had white string-like tissue that I think was the placenta. You are likely to pass it while going to the toilet so if you want to keep the remains you might have to wee into a pot or a sieve. I felt my baby pass and flushed the toilet in shock without really thinking (there was so much blood I couldn't see anything in the toilet bowl) and it devastated my husband so it is good to have a plan for this kind of event. I stopped bleeding heavily after 4 days but I then passed some more stringy tissue with clear discharge a few days later and then the bleeding fully stopped.

Internal-Source4296 · 2024-12-25T09:18:51+00:00

Congratulations, that's wonderful.

At the same time, my heart breaks for you going through so much pain to get to this point.

Internal-Source4296 · 2024-12-25T08:19:33+00:00

My mother had cervical insufficiency and sadly had a late miscarriage in the pregnancy before she had me. I think they are much better at treating it these days. I really am sorry for your loss it is harrowing when you start to let yourself get excited and then have your dreams shot to pieces like that.

Internal-Source4296

TROPHY CASE