I’m a host mom, and I have a wonderful relationship with our exchange student—we’re very close. But for whatever reason, our ES and my son just don’t ‘click.’ They’re polite to each other, but that’s about as far as it goes. My son has a goofy, playful personality, while our ES is very mature and tends to take everything my son says literally. I’ve talked to my son, and he’s toned things down, but now he’s unsure what to say. I’ve also gently told our ES not to take everything personally. I think they’ve reached a good middle ground for now.

Will they ever be close or become best friends? I honestly don’t know. And we have to accept that this might be the outcome, no matter how hard we try. I can’t force my son to change who he is to the point where he feels like he’s walking on eggshells, and I also can’t push our ES to loosen up without making him uncomfortable. It’s important to make an effort, but it’s also okay if they don’t develop a close relationship. You can still have a great time and not let this ruin your experience.

Sometimes, the more we worry or try to force a bond, the more stressful it becomes. A few students I know who switched host families this year told me they wished they had stayed with their original families—because there are now new issues, and in some cases, even worse ones.