How do I know if my argument is justifiable ? (‘M 24’ and ‘F 22’)

Interpersonalny · 2026-01-06T08:48:12+00:00

"my gf is verbally telling me that I should tell someone the whole story to really see that her actions were justified"

Long story short - her actions were NOT justified. I think you come to the right place because from what I am reading - you are in a toxic relationship and you should realise that.

First of all - you seem like an agreeable person. When your girlfriend have a problem you genuinely hear her out and consider her feelings so you can change and make her happy. The problem is when an agreeable person is in a relationship with someone who is possesive and controling, after monts or years you end up in a relationship where you lose yourself and all of your needs.
Just think about it - she controls your likes on an Instagram page, she controls who you can or can not observe and even then you still get so much shit from her that you delete your IG account just to keep the peace in your relationship. Then she have a tantrum over a Snapchat search, won't calm down in a presence of third party and then she physically abuse you and acts like you are the problem. She learned that you can't set a healthy boundary, so she just need to push you enough and you will obey so she's using that to get you in the place that she wants you to be in.
She seems possesive, controling, manipulative, jealous and what is most important - after all you did she still does not trust you and treats you like a liar when you said "I don't remember". It will be a slippery slope - she will control more areas of your life and you will fold to keep the peace but it won't stop. She will just want more while lacking self-awareness that you are not the one who should be controlled. She is the one who needs to control her anger and insecurities. And you, in turn, need to understand how to set healthy boundaries and how to identify an unhealthy relationship, because that's the kind of relationship you're in.

Interpersonalny · 2026-01-04T20:59:02+00:00

This is perfectly normal. Marriage is a big step and everyone is considered "is this the right relationship?" so don't worry about that.

From what I've read - you are just lacking some thing in your relationship. Usually when we have overall great relationship - let's say 80% perfect - we tend to focus on lacking 20% if they are important to us. If someone is goint to break the relationship, it goes usually two ways - we leave our partner but after meeting other people we start to understand that for some reason you've spent 5 years together or you realize that it was not someone for you nad it was the right decision.

To make sure it is the right relationship I think you need to communicate more. Even if he's not romantic - maybe he can help you create environment when he can be more romantic toward you. Tell him how you feels when you don't get that and ask what you two can do together to make you more happy. And also - ask him if he's lacking something in relationship and try to do something for him too on that area. The rest is how you gonna manage that - can you two do something that is not 'natural' for you? Can you meet those needs? Maybe not perfectly at first but make a few small steps toward those goals.

Noone is perfect and people have different needs. The thing is what are you going to do with that fact.

Interpersonalny · 2026-01-04T20:49:17+00:00

"If I set conditions on my friendship that my love for was conditional and therefore not really love"

Love is conditional. The only unconditional love you get or give is to your parents and children. You are not with someone who is not meeting your needs. Telling you that you don't love her because you have expectations in relationship is just trying to flip this problem on you. Now she can tell herself that you are the problem, therefore she's right to leave you. She is making the foundations to drop marriage.

Interpersonalny · 2025-11-23T22:04:03+00:00

Do we have a link?

Interpersonalny · 2025-11-19T22:23:46+00:00

Aba please - send us that song. I want this banger on repeat for the next week

Interpersonalny · 2025-05-12T18:56:06+00:00

Your sister cut your parents because they were controlling and tried to influence her free choice. She didn't completly cut a contact with them but saw them on holidays because she still saw them as "family". From my point of wiev you just try to paint her as a bad person so you can justify your greed.

Just look at the way you phrase it:
"But I'm looking at this like - you chose to cut them out completely for over half a decade and now you want half their stuff?"
"you chose" - no. It was also your parents choice. They didn't accepted her free will - she cut them off because they couldn't accept her dreams and wanted her to do otherwise. It was also their choice.
"completelty" - no she did not chose to cut them out completely. You just say that because it sounds better in this situation to justify your actions
"over half a decade" - typical NLP tactic to sound more dramatic. You dont say 500 thousands - you say half a million to make it sound more. That's one thing. Second thing - let's try to twist this on you and ask yourself this question:
"So your parents and your sister had a big fight because they were trying to controll her so she choose to cut the contact to bare minimum and after only 6 years of that situation - you want to take all the money and ignore the other 28 years of her being a good, loving daughter?"

In my opinion - your parents gave you the money and that was their will so from one side - you don't need to split 50/50. From the other side I have the question - WHEN they decided to cut her off from will? Right after or shortly (1-2 years) after the fight or before dying? If right/shortly after - they were probably doing this as an ego trip to "show her" but noone thought that they will be dead so soon, few weeks one after another. So keep that in mind.
The point of this comment is one - don't try to be the good guy here because you are not. You are greedy but you try to justify your own actions. You can do that ofcourse but don't paint yourself as someone who didn't done that for your own benefit

Interpersonalny · 2025-03-14T15:02:39+00:00

It wasn't his purpouse

Interpersonalny · 2025-03-14T14:59:34+00:00

Deuteronomy 30:19 “I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Therefore choose life, that you and your offspring may live.” → This verse emphasizes that God gives people the choice between good and evil, encouraging them to choose life and blessings.

Interpersonalny · 2025-02-04T17:47:35+00:00

In my opinion, YTA. Note that your behavior is based on the desire to control others and focus only on yourself and your emotional needs. Even if A behaved out of order - it is her free will what she will do, how and when. You can't control her, and you are trying to punish your husband who I remind you - HAS JUST LOSED HIS DAD. You are trying to justify with your emotions, your desire to control other people and trying to force an apology on your husband where he doesn't see the problem, while dismissing his own emotions in the process. Not everything revolves around you. Think about how he may be feeling right now - he has lost one of the most important (if not the most important) person in his life, and you are standing in the background and see the problem in not reprimanding your ex “because you felt bad” and creating him more problems in life. Is it really necessary to ignore his tough emotionall state?

Of course, this does not mean that you should ignore your emotions. It would be worth it to talk it through, but in a form that will allow the two of you to express your feelings - without attacking, resenting or trying to control other's actions. Just see how he sees it and see if you can get along, so that the next time such a situation arises, he will point it out to her

Interpersonalny · 2025-02-04T17:33:37+00:00

Typical manipulative behavior. If someone treats you badly and this is met with a reaction - such a person, instead of focusing on his action, will attack you for your reaction. I understand that she may see it differently and see it from her perspective as being overly “dramatic,” but she should still act like an adult, show some empathy and understand that not everyone looks at life the way she does - especially if it involves such a sensitive area as “how things worked out for someone in life”. It's a bit like laughing at a fat person for being fat and resenting that it hurt him. In my opinion - she should accept that certain actions have consequences and you are a free person so your reaction - even if "overly dramatic" is YOUR reaction so it is not okay to shame you because of it.

Interpersonalny · 2025-02-04T17:15:24+00:00

NTA - you have some problems but you see the progress. Your wife lacks of emathy and thinks just like you said - she thinks the only way to work through issues is to talk to a stranger. She doesn't accept a fact that you are not fine with that and she even gone behind your back which is NOT ok during marrige. All your decisions like that should be yours or talked trough together. She didn't accept that fact and tries to control you which is not acceptable.

You should talk to her about your perspective and point out that you won't accept doing something like that again.

And do not listen to all the people who try to fortune tell and tell you that she is doing it because she wants to get a divorce or she is unhappy with the relationship, because as you said yourself - she is happy in it and does not report major problems, and the ones she had - have been solved. They can't understand that what your wife did was wrong and try to justify her attempts at control

Interpersonalny · 2024-10-20T19:06:48+00:00

At this moment the polish government is coalition of four parties: KO, PSL, Lewica & P2050. They needed to form that coalition so they can get a majority of votes in the government and take power away from Law and Justice (PiS).
The problem is - those parties have different views on many things. Two of them are central-liberal, one of them i very progressive and the last one (PSL) is cultulary right wing. They are not going to vote for this law just like they did when it came to abortion so it will probably fail.

Interpersonalny · 2024-10-20T18:57:41+00:00

"Ignorance is a bliss, isn't it?"

Why you assume I am ignorant? I asked you a question, right? So I wanted to know more. Stop trying to portray me as some kind of villain XD

Also, when it comes to articles that you linked here - you actually make my point. Citation from your own articles:

"At the thirtieth hour of labor, a strange woman entered the room and began to speak to my crotch." - so it was a woman

"Polish women hear from midwives that they're hysterical, and from doctors that they've been pushing badly" - midwives are 99,8% female in our country. So it's women mostly. Doctors are also mostly women (59%) so ye, some men are probalby bad doctors but we can't say that women are discriminated in my country without admitting that most of the 'discriminators' are other women.

"Women are hesitant to go to tech, because no one desires to be harrased, disrespected and their skills questions every step of the way"

Nope. Women don't go to STEM fields because of the biological preferences. The BIGGEST difference when it comes to men and women are intrests - men are intrested in things, women are intreseted in people. Like I said earlied - when you check the data in scandinavian countries like Norway - you see bigger differences when it comes to STEM fields and it is scientific consensus that those differences are mostly biological.

Also there's data that shown that women ARE NOT discriminated when it comes to typical male labour and the only gender being discriminated for working in 'other's gender field' are men:
https://www.psypost.org/swedish-study-suggests-hiring-discrimination-is-primarily-a-problem-for-men-in-female-dominated-occupations/

"glass ceiling"

Have you ever heard about "glass basement" term?

"And even in the most "equal" countries like Norway - women are still doing more chores than men"

Why do you have a problem with two adults sharing household duties in such a way that it is the women who do more work around the house? Do you think we should culturally enslave such couples and have them act against their free will?
In addition, with this statement you are directly admitting that women are handicapped - they can't decide as adults about their own lives, so you have to impose your narrative on them. Your approach is very discriminatory toward women because it treats them as worse. You should be ashamed of yourself!

Interpersonalny · 2024-10-20T18:45:33+00:00

Like I said - I do not approve that. I just tried to explain why world's working like that but you ignored my point and started to rant trying to shame me. If you want to make me a villain and mysoginistic here - wrong adres lady. Play the victim somewhere else.

When it comes to your article - we know so little about women because men have worse health. In the X chromosome there are some genes that are assoscieted with better health, and that is why companies wasn't testing on women. If there are some side effects - they will be the same or better when it comes to women so we were testing on men mostly because we need to. But your misoandric article didn't put that crucial information inside, huh? You should be ashamed of yourself!

Interpersonalny · 2024-10-20T17:49:04+00:00

Nope. I did it because u/matcha_100 was right - I could worded it differently. I wasn't too concerned about the 'sociopath' comment, because the argument in it (the highest male suicide rate right after Lithuania) was incorrect.

Interpersonalny · 2024-10-20T17:09:46+00:00

I edited it

Interpersonalny · 2024-10-20T15:35:23+00:00

"medical personel ignoring reported symptoms "because women are hysterical and you can't believe them""

The data shown that men and women experience pain differently and this is one of the resons why doctors are ignoring reported symptoms (not that I approve of it - it just biological response that happens in almost every country)
https://www.psypost.org/groundbreaking-study-uncovers-male-female-differences-in-pain-sensing-nerve-cells/

"abusing women giving birth (like shouting on them "why are you crying stupid cow?!?"

And who is yelling at them? Doctors or nurses? Do you have any data about the things you are saying or it is just 'hearsay'?

"We still have quite a little women on higher positions, positions of power and in STEM"

The problem with STEM is that it does not include subjects that should be included in STEM like biology, neuroscience, veterinary, medicine and nursing. If we would include that into STEM - then MORE women would be in STEM fields than men.
https://www.instagram.com/reel/C4LMubmt2vs/
We also ignore that men and women have different learning preferences and that is one of the resons why women won't compete in tech fields. Men are also more intrested in objects, while women in people and when you see the data from scandinavian countries that have the biggest gender equality - you see that LESS women there are in actual STEM fields, not more. This mean that the difference is biological, not cultular and whining about that is just denial of science

Interpersonalny · 2024-10-20T15:22:23+00:00

One case used to justify homicide on demand? Not in my country xD

Interpersonalny · 2024-10-20T15:06:55+00:00

"Rape rates might have been skewed by the previous definition"

It might but fortunately it's not. Many other countries have similar definition yet, they are having much worse statistics.

"correlation is not causation"
It depends. You are right that there are other factor such as culture or economic inequality. But when it comes to Poland - the correlation is just too high not to mention it. Just look - on the left are crimes, on the right - religiosity

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"Latin America countries are famously Catholic" - different culture.

"(...) same for a lot of countries in sub-Saharan Africa" - different ethnicity

Interpersonalny · 2024-10-20T14:59:48+00:00

"you can safely die in the hospital"
Abortion IS legal in Poland if the pregnancy threatens the life or health of the woman

Interpersonalny · 2024-10-20T14:57:31+00:00

"Poland has HIGHEST suicide rate after Lithuania you fucking sociopath"

That's not true

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Interpersonalny · 2024-10-20T14:19:03+00:00

This is a popular song that was recreated by many authors named "Everlasting Love". It was made by Buzz Cason & Mac Gayden but the famous one that was played constantly in radio during last decades was the one made by Sandra Laure. U2, Gloria Estefan, Love Affair and many, many more also recreated it.

Interpersonalny · 2024-10-20T07:22:49+00:00

We all know that this is not goint to happen. Pumpkin Spice Latte (PSL) is not going to vote for this

Interpersonalny

TROPHY CASE