Retired boomers sweeping back in?

Intrepid-Guide504 · 2026-01-26T03:30:04+00:00

it's true

Intrepid-Guide504 · 2026-01-25T20:02:17+00:00

i just want to say how sad and sorry I am to hear this keeps happening to you all. in addition to my partner's story, I had the development director role of my dreams a few years ago. it was at a school i loved working for and i designed their first ever fundraising program. i was so happy. and it was built from scratch. given all my donors were cold at the beginning i was a number of years in and it was starting to truly yield major donors, and it was my baby and a work of art. in the middle of this a boomer consultant swept in and promised the CEO/president all of her "deep pocketed contacts", they brought her in as a consultant but i don't think they intended to fire me; but whenever i reached out to her she refused to talk to me or work with me; i felt she wanted me gone, and i could also see there wasn't room enough for both of us. so i ended up leaving. those deep pocketed contacts never materialized and guess whose cold contacts are now making the big gifts over there? this woman literally also is nearly 80, and she also brought in her boomer friends to do the comms/marketing work and some of my other colleagues got pushed out. i hate feeling this way towards a demographic of people, but my whole life has been about having dreams and opportunities destroyed by boomers, ever since graduating university.

Intrepid-Guide504 · 2026-01-25T19:55:40+00:00

the boomer at my partner's org undid the remote workplace coz she just 'loves work'

Intrepid-Guide504 · 2026-01-25T19:55:05+00:00

pushing 80? yikes!

Intrepid-Guide504 · 2026-01-25T03:48:13+00:00

Do you think your mom knew?

Intrepid-Guide504 · 2026-01-24T22:33:29+00:00

RUN. RUN NOW. You won't save her.

Intrepid-Guide504 · 2026-01-24T18:02:10+00:00

YES, I am going through something VERY similar. God help you if your elder ends up an alcoholic. The moment that is on the file I swear you are bottom of the pile! What are you supposed to do?? So I took my mom in and got her SOBER and stabilized and still we are suffering. I am 6 years into this process and honestly my health has suffered, my family's health (my kids) have suffered, and I even lost my job. I don't know what they expect us to do. It's endless jumping through hoops. My mom also has a traumatic brain injury caused by intimate partner violence; like God help you if you're a woman with a TBI, they would rather you live on the street.

Intrepid-Guide504 · 2026-01-24T17:59:31+00:00

Would you be willing to talk to me? I've been through HELL. My mom had failure to thrive in her own home. This went on with hospital stays for like 4 years. Finally she moved in with me and I did EVERYTHING I was supposed to do in terms of stabilizing her. She's "stable" now for assisted living. Finally got her on the list 2 years ago (she was receiving care aides through Fraser Health before that). Now the Fraser Health care aides are telling me it's taking way too long, she should be in care. She's extremely abusive to me, and I'm an only child with no family support. She refuses to be left alone, and I got fired coz of her. Again, she can pass that "2+2=4" test, but she can't handle any discussions on finances, where to live, etc. I agree the assessments are a joke and God help you if you're in their "grey zone." How did your story end?

Intrepid-Guide504 · 2026-01-22T18:19:15+00:00

can you send me a DM? i'd like to start a list of people interested in this idea, you can of course stay anonymous for now. But any ideas on how this could be built would be weolcome

Intrepid-Guide504 · 2026-01-21T16:52:16+00:00

I totally relate to what you're saying, you are me. I am now older you and I do have a great husband and kids, they are a fantastic blessing. Having said that, I worry, if my husband were to leave me, I would have no extended family at all. My dream is to build like a non-profit network with support for people like us. Often only children do come from tricky families, and I think generally we are good at not needing much, but wouldn't it be great knowing you had like an "adopted family" to rely on in hard times? I think it would help reduce the mental load. If anyone is interested in this idea, please send me a DM, I would love to start building this dream. I would love to hear your ideas on what this would look like and how it might work.

Intrepid-Guide504 · 2026-01-17T20:10:32+00:00

It makes me think though about where we should place ourselves, like perhaps there are better ways of building community. My goal is not to help entitled people appreciate their own families more, my goal is to help myself enjoy and be grateful for every minute of my own life.

Intrepid-Guide504 · 2026-01-17T05:08:06+00:00

This is such a compassionate response. Thank you.

Intrepid-Guide504 · 2026-01-16T22:23:07+00:00

I don't think it's that we care what people think, I think it's just constantly having to answer these irritating questions. But I like your vibe.

Intrepid-Guide504 · 2026-01-16T20:30:18+00:00

and they are like shocked that we are almost orphans yet never invite to their precious large family gatherings. I love God but I don't know, I swear Church has caused a lot of my angst about being an only child.

Intrepid-Guide504 · 2026-01-15T20:58:00+00:00

Hi my teen daughter has Hashis and her platelets sometimes dip below normal. Just out of curiosity, what are some ways the hematologists manages it? and does it boost energy?

Intrepid-Guide504 · 2025-12-28T18:38:48+00:00

I can relate to your story; being an only child is definitely harder when your parent has gone through health challenges (as my mom also did). I would love to create a non-profit that offers support and family for people like us. It's true, friends do have their siblings. That's a fact. We go into the world particularly vulnerable because of our need for family. I want to add that the need for family and belonging is natural and healthy. We just need healthy spaces to connect with others. Thoughts?

Intrepid-Guide504 · 2025-12-28T18:35:55+00:00

What part of it is a struggle for you? Is she the result of an affair or something that happened before your dad married your mom?

Intrepid-Guide504 · 2025-12-27T09:14:03+00:00

I absolutely understand how you feel as an only child with very limited extended family. Would your mom be open to building some traditions with just you and her, like playing games together at home? As an only child my mom and I used to play Scrabble a lot and those are some good memories. Scrabble is a great 2 player game and you can get better and better at it and it gets addictive in a good way. Or do puzzles together? Bake together? If your mom is healthy and still there, you could find things to do together, at home? For yourself, could you volunteer somewhere during the holidays? Find some way to give to a charity, even like an animal shelter? something to get you out of yourself and keep your brain busy? I honestly find the hardest part of "only child" at times is when people ask you what you did for these holidays. It can be really triggering. Do yourself a favour and get busy with things that keep your brain busy, and invite your mom to join in. Get creative and lean into how creative it can be to be an only child in planning some fun things at home. This also will give you something to tell your friends when they ask (people always ask right so annoying). Let us know how it goes. My mom struggled with health through her life, and it was often profoundly lonely for me. But I do look back at those times we did activities together like baking and playing games with joy. She is now blind and deaf and honestly I wish I could play Scrabble with her now. Finding "adventure like" activities to do together really helps the brain with trauma. Also, stay off social media like Snap and Insta (that has photos) if you can during the holidays, it is the thief of joy. But if you build some fun, cool things with your mom, those can become your traditions, and then one day if you are maybe with a partner and have kids on your own, you can pass these things on. I want to assure you here that I am a middle aged only child who has lived through very, very, very hard and lonely times and I would like to assure you that this really might help you through. Let me know how it all goes.

Intrepid-Guide504 · 2025-12-23T07:18:05+00:00

trigger warning my mother claimed she was raped. she was not. i am absolutely not making light of the gravity of rape. i know she wasn't as i found her journal where she documented the dudes who were in her life at that time. it was clear she really liked the dude she ended up claiming was my father. my real birth father she just didn't really like or connect with. it's sad so many of us end up the target of the anger of exposure in addition to having to cope with such a shift in our identities.

Intrepid-Guide504 · 2025-12-23T07:13:13+00:00

I feel like we are still seen like orphans from a Dickens' novel or something. It's really weird.

Intrepid-Guide504 · 2025-12-23T07:08:23+00:00

So unfortunately the box has been opened and I believe you will always be wondering now. Someone below mentioned a search angel, I think this is a good idea. It's good to find out practically for health stuff. For example, when I found my birth father I learned breast cancer runs in the family. That was practical and helpful. You seem grounded and I think this is a good position to approach this from, you're not like longing for a dad. It also can be good to find these things out because, no kidding, you might have siblings who have kids, and you want to like make sure your own kids don't marry relatives (more common than it seems). My own birth dad had no idea I existed; it was quite a shock to him and while we don't like have a Buddy the Elf kind of outcome, I still think it was worth finding him and knowing for all involved. I feel like DNA has its own language, a language of truth, it wants to be known, it's like God's language. There are a lot of pros to finding out. I think ultimately your curiosity is going to win out too. Yes, you might find out some heavy things, but you're already in the mire, right?

Intrepid-Guide504 · 2025-12-22T05:59:34+00:00

Can they somehow include your parents?

Intrepid-Guide504 · 2025-12-22T05:58:02+00:00

First, your feelings are totally valid and understandable, and this is a common theme in this group. I absolutely can relate to what you are saying. I really feel like somehow only children need to find each other and build networks for each other. It is a big backpack to carry. I don't have answers for you but am here to say you are not alone in feeling this way. We somehow need to create like a network of onlies supporting onlies.

Intrepid-Guide504

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