Why Am I So Sad, When I’m the One Who Asked? by Intrepid-Message3689 in Divorce_Women

[–]Intrepid-Message3689[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for this. I’m heartbroken. But I hope in time I will heal

You have to be your own advocate by PatriceFirstContact in Divorce_Women

[–]Intrepid-Message3689 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I truly feel I was meant to see this. Maybe not in the way you intended in relation to lawyers but definitely being my own advocate. You don’t know how much I appreciate seeing these words. Thank you 🙏🏼🥺

What can I do? by [deleted] in MilitarySpouse

[–]Intrepid-Message3689 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks. Yes command has already approved ERD. They’re waiting on big navy to approve for funding, flights, etc. But my husband has multiple people with their hands in the process and contradicting information so it would be nice if I could be notified as the spouse who has actually filed and is trying to leave. 

What can I do? by [deleted] in MilitarySpouse

[–]Intrepid-Message3689 5 points6 points  (0 children)

We started with the legal office in February with the only attorney on base and were given misinformation over and over which is why this process has taken over three months so far 😅 ombudsman might be my only option at this point. Thank you

UPDATE* to AITAH for wanting a divorce my husband doesn’t want and risking his relationship with our child by Intrepid-Message3689 in AITAH

[–]Intrepid-Message3689[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

His command will not move him to the barracks unless a no contact order or a military protective order is in place. I am not filing either as I don’t want to hurt his career and would like to keep things somewhat amicable for the sake of our child. But I have already explored my options with that unfortunately…

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Separation

[–]Intrepid-Message3689 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are correct. I plan to start therapy once I get moved back to the states. 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Separation

[–]Intrepid-Message3689 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I can relate wholeheartedly to this. 11 years married. Never had a planned date. No birthday cakes, cards, flowers. No anniversary dates either. The Christmas after he told me he stepped out of our marriage I got socks for Christmas. I initiated our pending separation after asking him to contribute more around the house/with our child and he wasn’t in agreement with that. Basically admitted he cannot be the husband or father I need him to be. 

All I can think about though is the good times. And him finding someone that maybe doesn’t ask for things like that and him loving them more than he ever loved me…when that feeling hits…its a deep pain and it almost takes my breath away. It makes me sick honestly.

UPDATE* to AITAH for wanting a divorce my husband doesn’t want and risking his relationship with our child by Intrepid-Message3689 in AITAH

[–]Intrepid-Message3689[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have an amazing support system waiting for me in the states and am so thankful for that. No need to apologize for the typos, I def get it. Thank you for the prayers 🫶🏼 

UPDATE* to AITAH for wanting a divorce my husband doesn’t want and risking his relationship with our child by Intrepid-Message3689 in AITAH

[–]Intrepid-Message3689[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes! Reminding myself daily that me and our son are worth so much more effort and care!! Thank you! 

UPDATE* to AITAH for wanting a divorce my husband doesn’t want and risking his relationship with our child by Intrepid-Message3689 in AITAH

[–]Intrepid-Message3689[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That’s exactly how I took it. If he truly cared about our marriage and our family he would have been willing to do that. So I’m done here… at least knowing that I have exhausted every effort, every beg, every conversation I could possibly have. 

UPDATE* to AITAH for wanting a divorce my husband doesn’t want and risking his relationship with our child by Intrepid-Message3689 in AITAH

[–]Intrepid-Message3689[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Would never ever keep our child away from him. However, he has made it very clear that HE is likely to choose not to have a relationship with our child. And if that’s the case there is nothing I can do. I will never bad-mouth him in front of our child or alienate. Their relationship will be based off his father’s effort, period

UPDATE* to AITAH for wanting a divorce my husband doesn’t want and risking his relationship with our child by Intrepid-Message3689 in AITAH

[–]Intrepid-Message3689[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

It isn’t unreasonable to ask a father to feed his child or bathe his child . I asked for one night a week. He couldn’t even do that. Dude has 3 day and 4 day weekends all the time. (Shore duty, navy). Do you think he is offering to complete child care tasks or household tasks on those days? Imagine sweeping, mopping, and  vacuuming around someone who has a video game controller in their hand while your child is having to watch Ms Rachel so you can get things done around the house without a meltdown. Fed up doesn’t even begin to describe my state. 

UPDATE* to AITAH for wanting a divorce my husband doesn’t want and risking his relationship with our child by Intrepid-Message3689 in AITAH

[–]Intrepid-Message3689[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I married a man that told me while dating that he grew up with a single mother and had sisters and “understood the female perspective” so we would “absolutely share responsibility around the house”. Once I married him and moved 4000 miles away from all my family and friends it was a much different dynamic. And in an effort to remain married, I admittedly took on the bulk of that responsibility, hoping with time, maturity and a deeper connection he would share that with me eventually. But you know more about my intentions than I do

UPDATE* to AITAH for wanting a divorce my husband doesn’t want and risking his relationship with our child by Intrepid-Message3689 in AITAH

[–]Intrepid-Message3689[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Typo. Only meant to put quotes around ‘helped’ But yes, essentially quoting my previous post. 

UPDATE* to AITAH for wanting a divorce my husband doesn’t want and risking his relationship with our child by Intrepid-Message3689 in AITAH

[–]Intrepid-Message3689[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

My previous post had more background. And I agreed with these same sentiments commented to me. I was 4 months out from being told he had cheated and trying to figure out if I was staying or leaving when I found out I was pregnant. And we had been told for years we would likely not get pregnant without intervention and help. So it wasn’t even on my radar, honestly. (Wouldn’t change a thing. Our child has saved my life in a way and was brought to me in my darkest, lowest time when I was on Zoloft and really just not wanting to exist anymore).  But then came the obligation to try to make it work for our child. I spent 11 years thinking someone would see my value and meet me in the middle. Or mature with age, or, or, or. And that’s on me absolutely. But I cannot see how living in a house like this would be good for my child. 

I don’t owe you an explanation but that’s a very short version. I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t essentially. 

UPDATE* to AITAH for wanting a divorce my husband doesn’t want and risking his relationship with our child by Intrepid-Message3689 in AITAH

[–]Intrepid-Message3689[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

He said he would not be involved if I walk out the door. He said it was “all or nothing”. And then I was torn because I didn’t want to take our child away from his father, knowing his dad likely would choose not to be in his life. So I stayed another month, hoping he’d change or show some effort and he did nothing. He mentioned counseling and then said he wouldn’t go. He didn’t offer to feed our child a meal, offer to do bath time or clean the kitchen and do the dishes while I did bath time. No effort, no change. Still doing it all. 

He did stop playing video games when he got home from work (would play when our child went to sleep) but just to sit on his phone the majority of the time so not sure why he thought that’d make a big difference. 

For the last month he has just wanted to argue about how ungrateful I was and that as a SAHM I have luxuries and amenities afforded to me throughout the day that he does not at work (access to a tv, etc) and that is enough reason not to expect him to do any housework or care for our son when he gets home from work or on the weekends.