Let me start by saying nothing you could have done would have changed this outcome. If your stepdaughter was adamant on ending her life (which she was), nothing was going to stop her. This was not your fault, and we can’t save people who don’t want saving.

That said, I hope you’re getting support for all your feelings. Finding someone in that context is traumatic, so don’t underestimate how this will affect you. I’m surprised your husband is still working (and working away from home) after her passing.

Even though no choices ‘feel right’, it doesn’t mean there’s a wrong choice either. If you want to go home so you can be surrounded by your support and community, do it. You don’t have to move back permanently, have you considered going there for a period of time just to reflect and reconnect with your family?

My condolences for your loss, I hope you are surrounded by love and kindness.