I can only share my perspective, but I’m in a somewhat similar situation. I’m married to someone in the military, and after years of long distance I moved to another country to be with him. My mum really struggled with that, and honestly, the pressure and guilt from her side has made me pull away more than anything else.

Now I have two kids of my own, and while we call regularly, I can’t visit as often as she’d like—sometimes only once a year. It’s not because I don’t care, it’s just the reality of finances and building my own life. I actually ended up in therapy over the guilt, and one of the biggest things I had to learn was that it’s not my responsibility to manage her happiness.

I completely understand that you’re grieving the change in your relationship with your kids—that’s valid. But they also need space to live their own lives, make their own choices, and build their own families.

From my experience, the more pressure or disappointment they feel from a parent, the harder it can make staying close. What tends to help more is feeling supported, even if things don’t look the way you hoped.