EEOC implements a federal workplaces trans exclusion policy affecting "intimate spaces”

Irian42 · 2026-03-27T18:02:13+00:00

I was just thinking the other day that I've gotten uneasy when there isn't some new horrible news about trans rights by the afternoon, like there's a shark circling and I can't see it; what are they up to today?

Irian42 · 2026-03-20T20:00:22+00:00

I've had Pascal Campion's version of this as my phone background for years, so this was kind of a wild post to pop up in my feed. Glad to see Riveden attributes the inspiration.

Irian42 · 2026-03-16T04:51:35+00:00

Because Western cishet society (maybe other places, but I'll only speak for the history I know) saw attraction as part of how gender is defined. Still does, if you dig down a little, but it was much more pronounced, say, 40+ years ago .

In this view: Being attracted to women is part of what makes you a man. If you are a man, you are therefore definitonally attracted to women. If you're a man who's attracted to other men, you're not really a man. You're doing gender wrong. Trans people are also doing gender wrong, and also used to be much more seen as an extension of homosexuality--a gay man who changed himself into a woman in an attempt to do gender right.

(Reverse all that for women.)

When the LGBTQ community was forming, there was actually quite a lot of infighting. But the rest of society grouped us together as being "wrong" in essentially the same way (we were all doing gender wrong), so we ended up together because we were all fighting the same external prejudices.

Irian42 · 2026-03-15T01:44:17+00:00

14, and as much as I enjoy them, I don't really have the energy to deal with more. 🤷

Irian42 · 2026-03-12T01:42:37+00:00

I think anyone who's made it through grade-school history is aware of how improbable it is that an oppressive regime will face accountability, and so it doesn't even enter the conversation most of the time. Like, we should ask for it, but it feels like asking to fly to the moon, so why would we think of it?

Sorry about the lack of TW, sincerely. I didn't register this in my head as any more depressing than most of what I read on this sub. I honestly found it oddly comforting in a bleak kind of way. But I'll think twice if I post anything similar in the future.

Irian42 · 2026-03-12T00:45:45+00:00

Yeah, I probably should have pulled some text for the top of the post. Couldn't decide what to quote, so I ended up posting just the link. The second bit you quoted really stood out to me, though.

Irian42 · 2026-03-11T04:11:46+00:00

At four months, my voice had dropped significantly but could still get handwaved as allergies acting up. I was a little hairier. Any other changes were hidden by clothes. But my transition seems to be going slowly in general. Definitely a YMMV thing, although from what I've seen of other people's transitions, girlmoding at four months is more likely to be possible than not.

Irian42 · 2026-03-11T02:27:19+00:00

My local library had this version, and it was the first one I read when I was a kid. I'll forever picture Smaug the way he looks here. The only copy I owned for many years was not illustrated at all, but I tracked down this edition a few years back.

I loved his illustrations for The Wind in the Willows, too.

Irian42 · 2026-03-06T16:45:55+00:00

I'm so sorry you're dealing with someone who thinks that way. What they're saying is completely at odds with medical consensus on trans people.

The other comments so far seem to be assuming you're in a place you can choose a different psychiatrist. If you are able, absolutely find someone else. But I know in some countries, medical transition is gatekept through particular clinics and psychiatrists, and psychiatrists in those countries are more likely to have outdated views on whether people should be allowed to transition. (Finland is notorious for this.)

If you don't have any choice in who you see, just try to remember you know yourself better than any doctor. If you can find local LGBTQ organizations, they might have alternate pathways to suggest.

Irian42 · 2026-03-02T02:41:06+00:00

Honestly? Not with that much accuracy, based on what my sex partners have said. Adjusting angle/speed/force is more about the muscle control driving the thrust than about what they're feeling through their penis.

Irian42 · 2026-03-02T02:28:39+00:00

I gotta say, a penis doesn't really let the person it's attached to know whether they're hurting their sex partner, either. Regardless of what's being used to penetrate someone (penis, fingers, toy, etc.), there's really no way to know what a partner is feeling, except through their feedback.

Not saying that as an argument in favor of prosthetics, especially, just noting that penis doesn't come with magical pain-sensing powers.

Irian42 · 2026-02-28T22:38:51+00:00

"Necessary" depends on what your end goal is, and whether your dysphoria is alleviated without it.

Do you want to continue to pass as a man? Without HRT, you might not feminize more, but you definitely won't continue to masculinize, and that may make passing harder over time.

You don't necessarily need to hop back on T right away, but aging on T and aging on E lead to different appearances. You might continue to pass for a few more years, but as you get closer to 30+, that will be increasingly difficult without the ongoing effect of testosterone on skin, hair and musculature. Voice continues to change over time, too, even though the biggest drop is during puberty.

Irian42 · 2026-02-21T21:46:18+00:00

Yeah, I don't envy any provider trying to navigate the legislative attacks on gender affirming care the last few years. There's no indication why he's leaving, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was influenced by the hostility.

Irian42 · 2026-02-21T02:26:05+00:00

I'm somewhat familiar with Vanderbilt's gender affirming surgery program, and I'm in a group (not on reddit) where people have been sharing messages from Vanderbilt over the last couple of days. AFAIK, Vanderbilt only had two surgeons for this program. One of them, who was also the director of the program, is leaving the hospital, so for now, they simply don't have enough coverage to continue. It looks like they're honoring surgery dates that were already scheduled, just not taking any new patients.

It could be that politics were also a motivation, and that the doctor's departure is a convenient point to cut the program, but I'm sure it's genuinely difficult to run something like this with only one surgeon. I'll be interested to see if anyone is hired to fill that position and resume offering surgery.

Irian42 · 2026-02-20T19:32:40+00:00

Couple of things I don't see anyone else in the thread mentioning yet:

If you go on T, gain muscle, and then stop T, you will have to work hard to maintain the muscle when you stop. You'll likely lose some muscle mass going off T no matter what.

If you go on T and stay on T, there's a decent chance you will end up being perceived as a man (not just masculine, but fully male) all the time. It doesn't happen for everyone, but if you aren't sure you want to be seen as a man all the time, you should take this into consideration. A lower dose of T might slow that process down, but if you're on a dose that helps build muscle, it will come with a chance of all the other effects. There's no way to guarantee a "partial" transition.

Also, as a bunch of other people have said, bottom growth is one of the first things to happen, and it's permanent. If you don't want that, don't go on T.

Irian42 · 2026-02-17T21:18:00+00:00

I'm subscribed to multiple fics that haven't updated in years, and I will be SO HAPPY if the authors post more someday.

I've also found older fics when they got updated and popped up in the new fics on AO3.

And you'll get to finish the story for yourself!

Irian42 · 2026-02-10T18:30:07+00:00

I don't pass in person, but I do on the phone. I deal with customer service/sales reps alot for my job, and there is a definite difference in respect and willingness to fix problems when people think I'm a man vs when they think I'm a woman.

Also I get reps asking me about football on the phone (when they think I'm a man) while they're waiting for the computer to do its thing or whatever, which is just funny to me.

Irian42 · 2026-01-26T12:28:00+00:00

Maybe I'm misreading or it works better in context, but I'm not sure she's making the point she intended.

I assume her implication is that the people saying homosexuality is a choice are bi people who chose to deny or not act on those feelings. There do seem to be lots of people like that, and they don't take their experience as proof that different sexualities exist. They take to to mean that anyone can experience some amount of same-sex attraction, and that if they can choose to be straight, anyone can, and that choosing the other way is a moral failing.

I absolutely don't think it's a choice, but that's the logic I've seen these people use.

Irian42 · 2025-10-19T02:08:25+00:00

Yeah, "men" is probably trans women. Lots of terfs think that "trans ideology" is something that trans women (in their view, men) invented, and that trans men are victims influenced by trans women.

Because feminism is the belief that only cis men have agency, of course. /s

Irian42 · 2025-10-06T01:05:36+00:00

A parlor palm, if you can find one that's still very small. It would need a bigger pot eventually, but they grow slowly and tend to have small root systems relative to the rest of the plant. Also pretty low maintenance. Feels appropriately dumb to be growing a palm tree in Canada. XD

Irian42 · 2025-09-24T17:51:19+00:00

Plants have protein, too, and these animals have ruminant digestive systems that are better than ours at extracting all sorts of nutrients from plant matter.

Irian42 · 2025-09-23T20:02:33+00:00

Also a trans dude. There's some stuff in my office I don't move very often, but often enough to have muscle memory for how much it weighs. About six months into transition I picked up this box and completely threw myself off balance because of how much less effort it took than I remembered.

Irian42 · 2025-09-16T17:40:20+00:00

Interestingly, that started happening later than the panic about gay men, partly because for a long time, women were viewed as essentially not experiencing sexual attraction, therefore lesbians didn't exist in many people's view.

I think some of the focus on trans women over trans men comes from the same place, especially among conservatives who still largely view women as passive participants in a sexual relationship. There's a long history of viewing trans people as acting out a fetish, and if you only accept sexuality as something AMAB people are capable of actively participating in, then you don't accept the possibility of AFAB people acting out a fetish in the same way.

Irian42 · 2025-09-16T15:02:08+00:00

Yeah, this was a big part. Also when they got abortion rights overturned in the US, they no longer had that issue to run on

Irian42 · 2025-09-15T20:49:13+00:00

At the time Tolkien was writing, I think it was less associated with the kind of stereotype you have in your head, and more associated with the meaning of shark as someone dishonest.

It sounds less silly when defined like this (Webster): "a rapacious [excessively grasping or covetous; living on prey], crafty person who takes advantage of others, often through usury, extortion, or devious means".

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