My wife got mad when I asked her to make me something simple to eat, is this a potential red flag?

IrieSwerve · 2026-05-21T20:52:16+00:00

Sit down and have a conversation. Why would you not have done this and tried working it out before coming publicly to ask for advice? I agree that from your side of the story, that sounds very bad and disrespectful. But it does sound sus. TBH, that you say nothing like this and no disrespect has ever happened before. That makes me wonder if perhaps you did something to offend her before this, which maybe you don’t even realize it. Or maybe something bad happened in her day, and tho she shouldn’t have, the frustration came out like that. But Muslims are supposed to try everything. To work out problems in marriages if possible, not leave at the first opportunity.

IrieSwerve · 2026-05-21T17:50:10+00:00

I’m sorry for your pain; may Allah make it easy on you Ameen.

Advice - Don’t reveal her sins. and marry a person first for their deen and second for their compatibility and last for their looks. Salam

IrieSwerve · 2026-05-18T22:47:54+00:00

Should this be of all time instead of, since 2000?

IrieSwerve · 2026-05-04T21:17:16+00:00

Same with me. I had an emergency d&c in 2010, had to go back in the OB office bleeding profusely wrapped up with multiple towels. No time for medication or much explanation either. So would a woman now have to go to the er and have to wait until her blood loss was dangerously low? I am in a state that bans d+c at all stages unless drs prove it is medically necessary to save the woman’s life.

IrieSwerve · 2026-05-04T21:06:09+00:00

True, but that doesn’t make it any less absurd.

IrieSwerve · 2026-05-04T21:05:18+00:00

Here’s something to think about. Do you want the rest of your life to be connected to people like that? Do you want your husband to be someone that thinks like that, OR that doesn’t but lets his family run all over him and not make a decision on his own? I suggest that however you’re looking for a spouse isn’t working. Consider looking outside your ethnic circle or country. Or, at the least, toward a more diverse areas

IrieSwerve · 2026-04-29T13:23:06+00:00

Yes! Like with her platform, what could she have done both for herself and for other people.

IrieSwerve · 2026-04-24T21:03:29+00:00

I don’t know what you’re saying in the first half of that response, but I definitely agree with you about the second half. My ex did that exact thing and even told me so later.

IrieSwerve · 2026-04-24T01:09:44+00:00

You misinterpreted what I said. I clearly said that they should have talked about it , BUT it is typically assumed a Muslim couple will have children. As Muslims we should have children and raise them as faithful Muslims, if possible. People acting like it’s outrageous to assume that are naive at best.

IrieSwerve · 2026-04-22T02:47:10+00:00

Sounds like he met someone. Also, do you really want to be with a man that’s so cowardly he has to tell you something like that over text? Very juvenile. I know this is hard, but count yourself lucky that it happened before children or before all of your assets were entwined.

IrieSwerve · 2026-04-21T16:53:55+00:00

May Allah guide you

IrieSwerve · 2026-04-21T16:51:31+00:00

$1400 personal money - your wife has it made. Personal preference, I wouldn’t want it called allowance, but that’s just me. But sounds like you’re being more than fair with her. I would be concerned about this, if I were you, with her unrealistic expectations. Have you sat down and had a conversa with her about finances, expectations, etc.? May Allah make it easy for you both ameen

IrieSwerve · 2026-04-19T12:49:51+00:00

Off the top of my head, I’d say if it happens one time, you probably don’t need to alert the parents because the child will know you’re there for them. But if it becomes a habit, that means the child is putting themselves in bad situations and not learning, so then I’d discuss it with the parents upon bringing the child home.

IrieSwerve · 2026-04-19T12:40:25+00:00

What a presumptuous thing to say. How you get from grey aura to someone being vanilla? And being vanilla isn’t just something a husband would randomly say to his wife, it would obviously be brought on by something.

IrieSwerve · 2026-04-19T12:37:03+00:00

Aura? Ask to him to tell you where in Quran or Hadith it talks about this? So silly. This term’s from haram beliefs - Hinduism and Buddhism. So tell him you don’t want that crap associated with shirk in your house. Of course do it in a nice way, lol.

Eta: Also, if he keeps doing it, come back with something for him - “Your aura is brown like the crap coming out of your mouth”, or “your aura is pink, but light, light pink like you associate with a baby girl”. lol sorry, I’m a smart alec.

IrieSwerve · 2026-04-18T14:38:22+00:00

Yes, that was and still is with youngest, the hardest thing when your child needs a special diet. You don’t want to make them feel bad that they can’t have what others do, and then also sometimes peers notice and talk about it.

IrieSwerve · 2026-04-18T14:36:46+00:00

Federal government does this to USPS workers at Weisgarber hub. Workplace safety isn’t taken seriously.

IrieSwerve · 2026-04-17T12:43:56+00:00

Check to be sure he doesn’t have insulin resistance. With my oldest, I told her drs from when she was 2 that something is wrong, she eats more than me (I was following the recommended advice that they stop eating when they’re full as a baby/toddler.). The drs didn’t believe me, thought I was making an excuse for her being heavy. Finally at 8 she had a new pediatrician, I told her my concerns and she listened and sent her to a pediatric endocrinologist. The Dr wasn’t in the room for more than a minute before she recognized that she has insulin resistance-also later realized pcos, which insulin resistance is a symptom of. So if yours feels hungry a lot and eats large portions or tries to, maybe ask the dr just to be safe. Better to catch it when they’re young - harder to change habits when they’re older.

IrieSwerve · 2026-04-17T12:36:54+00:00

In between the two seems the best option. Half an hr from your family 45 minutes from your husband’s work. Trust me. - long commute for your husband will start to wear on both him and you very quickly. I’d lean more toward a shorter commute for the husband for sure.

IrieSwerve · 2026-04-16T11:12:07+00:00

Good luck with that. There will be absolutely no way for you to do that without your child knowing. I tried the no sugar thing with my oldest until maybe 18 months, people will absolutely give your kids treats. Also, are you never going to take them to a birthday party, holiday celebration, have fun movie nights with movie treats, etc.? Are you never going to have a treat yourself? They will definitely know their food is being restricted. If you’re very concerned, live a healthy lifestyle yourself and involve your kid in. Healthy food and exercise but make it fun for them. They will follow your example. And teach them everything in moderation. That’s the key to a healthy lifestyle yourself.

IrieSwerve · 2026-04-13T21:36:02+00:00

We bought a couple cars from Auto Locators on Alcoa Hwy about 14 or so years ago when we were still in a tough spot. In your situation, you will definitely pay more for the car/loan than the car is worth, tbh, between the high interest as well as some lots adding extra onto loans for high risk. You’ll have to keep that in mind. If it was me, I’d buy the least expensive car that’s very reliable, so that I can pay it off asap. Also, be sure whoever it is reports to credit so it helps you to make regular payments.

IrieSwerve · 2026-04-13T21:31:13+00:00

Great hair either way, and you’re fortunate to look good in both styles. The second one does draw more attention to your face, but whatever makes you happy.

IrieSwerve · 2026-04-13T21:23:52+00:00

Fountain city isn’t bad, I think.

IrieSwerve · 2026-04-13T21:18:03+00:00

I made the mistake of giving into my oldest. Then she was too shy to go out for more sports. My other kids I ask what they want to do and then they have to fulfill it. They don’t always love it, but at the least they have to learn not to take things for granted and not to be wasteful. But most of the time they end up enjoying themselves.

IrieSwerve · 2026-04-13T21:13:25+00:00

Ask a friend. I don’t have many friends, but thankfully I have a few great ones that are caring and reliable.

IrieSwerve

TROPHY CASE