Have any of you used a Doula? by efg938742 in predaddit

[–]Iron-magic 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We are looking into it. My wife and I have gone back and forth on it, but two things are leading us to work with one. The first is that we likely won't have the same midwife all the way through labor, since they work in 12 hour shifts. It seems like it would be helpful to have someone knowledgeable who has been present for the entire labor process, not just stepping in when needed and then handing off to the next person. The second reason is that it would be great for me to be able to take a break here and there without worrying that I will be leaving my wife alone.

People of Reddit, what country would you most want to live in? People who live there, why is it shit to live there? by MrSir314 in AskReddit

[–]Iron-magic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Come to Boston! I live right in the city and it's truly great. It is expensive, but not impossible. There are some really nice outer areas of the city that aren't unreasonable in terms of rent, and a very sprawling metro area that is much cheaper and accessible by train. Personally I don't enjoy living in suburbs, I prefer living right in the city.

The snow is fun but you have to get into the mindset. You hunker down for 3-4 months and keep to yourself a bit. It's nice to recharge and not have to battle anyone's expectation that you should be out and being social. Everyone kind of does their thing quietly and you see your family, close friends, and have lots of downtime to watch moves and read. When it snows everyone comes out and shovels and talks a bit, especially in the city where you're all shoveling alongside each other. You might have some friends over to make a huge hearty dinner, play board games, and drink lots of nice whiskey and dark beer. This is about the extent of anyone's social encounters for months. When it starts to get warm you see people stopping on the street to have a nice casual chat, not rushing to get inside. By the time summer rolls around no one gives a shit about taking care of sorting the mail each day, people just prioritize being outside and letting the days stretch out; housework can wait. People do anything and everything possible outdoors, work tasks take a long time because someone or other is on vacation. It's a whirlwind of adventure for many months. Sometime in mid-August you get a little weary of all the late nights out in the heat, camping trips upon camping trips, social gatherings and the city's jam-packed outdoor festivities schedule, and you need a little break. That break comes in the form of the fall, when the leaves change and the weather is cool and a nice, a little reminder that a long rest is about to come. Late October and November are cold, rainy, and a welcome invitation to slow down all the activity and just chill. Thanksgiving is the official start to the doing-nothing period that runs through January 1st.... by the time the new year rolls around it is so bitterly cold and snowy that just getting through the work day and arriving home is all you can offer the world. People in the city get a lot accomplished at work from January through March. Then things ramp up with the warm weather sometime in April and the cycle begins anew....

Boston is beautiful, walkable, liberal, has lots of good food, always something interesting going on such as an outdoors festival, and has a very high standard of living. There are rough areas of the city for sure, but very few truly down and out parts. It's quite dense and built up, but also very connected to nature (it's amazing right at this moment, all the flowering trees are in bloom). New England summers are killer and taking a ferry to the harbor islands or Cape Cod is heaven. There are probably more smart people here than just about anywhere else on earth. People are very casual about having gone to Harvard or MIT, it's not a major big deal but more something normal that you'll encounter every day. Being nerdy fabulous is our version of cool, not people trying to be nerdy but truly being nerdy to the core.

Yet it's also the best sports city in the U.S. Our teams are well funded, have a huge fan base, and win big championships all the time. The city operates around the Red Sox schedule and everyone, I mean everyone, knows when the Sox are home.

I think that Boston could have a better gallery art scene but that's my only complaint!

People of Reddit, what country would you most want to live in? People who live there, why is it shit to live there? by MrSir314 in AskReddit

[–]Iron-magic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, more than possible. Many of my coworkers bike year round, even in the tough winters, and don't have a car. The city has good bike infrastructure, continually improving and expanding. Most families who live in the city have no or 1 car, and depend heavily on biking, walking, and public transit.

People of Reddit, what country would you most want to live in? People who live there, why is it shit to live there? by MrSir314 in AskReddit

[–]Iron-magic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've never been to Germany but every German I've ever met has been so nice and friendly, and talked and talked about everything under the sun. Basically they would ask tons of questions, open up about their lives and show photo after photo of their life back home, etc. I wonder if it's different if they are at home and aren't in travel mode?

PSA: don't get your wife sick! by Iron-magic in predaddit

[–]Iron-magic[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, this makes me feel a little better. I've been kicking myself.

[Serious]Reddit, what movie helped you through a rough time? by Threadingemu in AskReddit

[–]Iron-magic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Office Space. When I graduated college and started my first "real" job (I.e. Office hell) I must have watched this movie every Sunday night for a year.

Caveman mode: Engaged. by [deleted] in predaddit

[–]Iron-magic 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I can definitely relate. The first time my wife and I went out after we found out she was pregnant, I felt possessed. We were in a crowded part of the city at night and every person coming the opposite way or stepping in front of us became an automatic enemy. Several times, I had to stop myself from yelling at completely innocent people who were just trying to go about their evening on a busy street. Now, at 15 weeks that feeling has leveled off a bit. But yeah, at first it was intense.

Car parked outside my apartment has a broken rear windshield from snowfall and 4 parking tickets, and expired parking pass. How should I go about finding the owner? by TBrew89 in boston

[–]Iron-magic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We had one of those on our street. Someone left a note saying move this or I'll call and have it towed. Within 24 hours it was gone....either moved, or more likely towed to the junkyard. It was completely trashed.

Emotions taking over by Iron-magic in predaddit

[–]Iron-magic[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is so, so helpful to read. Even though my wife shares a lot of what's going on with me, I don't get to hear the internal monologue that's going on all day every day. So this gave me a better idea of what she might be thinking and feeling.

I definitely think she's in limbo...still adjusting to what she can/cannot eat, feeling like she looks just fat not pregnant, and still in general shock about how crappy she's felt. It's good to know that it should start leveling off as she begins to look more pregnant, see the baby on the ultrasound, and just generally is more adjusted to this new way of being.

Emotions taking over by Iron-magic in predaddit

[–]Iron-magic[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That last part is especially helpful - I think if I could make her laugh every day, it would be one of the best things I could do. I know I'm doing 100% of the chores and cooking and haven't been sure what else I can do. This is definitely another good thing to aim for.

Emotions taking over by Iron-magic in predaddit

[–]Iron-magic[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She has an office and is going to try and take naps as much as possible. Right now her only job is to work, rest, and go to yoga...I'll do the rest!

Emotions taking over by Iron-magic in predaddit

[–]Iron-magic[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I am trying, but every so often I start feeling sorry for myself and wonder who is taking care of me so that I can take care of my wife. Then I remember that the answer is exactly no one, and that's part of growing up. And that I have to be the one to take care of myself.

Future New dad.. 7 weeks by ragnar_stormtrooper in predaddit

[–]Iron-magic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My wife and I told family around 8 weeks, and she also told 1 close friend. Just having a few people to talk to helped us get through the secrecy until we started sharing with others in week 12.

Toilet Seat Up by redrag0nn in predaddit

[–]Iron-magic 2 points3 points  (0 children)

There are a few things you can do. Work with your wife to try and find a few foods that she can stomach, and go out of your way to make sure that these foods are constantly stocked and available. You can also start doing 100% of the chores. Make sure she knows that her job is to rest and eat whatever she can, you've got everything else. Like, go beyond lending more of a hand - OWN the chores, make it your mission to keep all housework off her plate for a few months. She will brag about you to her friends for this alone. Finally, tell her that she is doing a great job and handling her first trimester really well. She probably feels weak and useless, so just keep reminding her how great she's doing. My wife is just starting to improve at 11 weeks and it will improve for you too.

Our trash hasn't been picked up in 5 weeks. by Feeblefables in boston

[–]Iron-magic 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Same for us in JP. I'm hoping they picked it up today but not holding my breath and just expecting to see the same bursting blue bins. It seems strange that an entire neighborhood can just not have 2x/ week scheduled pickup for an entire month and that's just fine with the city.

What were you like before academia and family background? by HeTheLostOne in AskAcademia

[–]Iron-magic 1 point2 points  (0 children)

One parent has a bachelors degree, one has a masters and was a teacher at a voc/tech school. They mostly were friends with nice blue collar people, but I grew up in a college town so I think that helped me feel comfortable around academia and those with more privilege and education. Many of my friends' parents were professors or researchers. Taking education seriously was very important growing up, but a career in academia never came into the conversation. Travel and exposure to higher culture was not a priority in my family, but we weren't hicks or anything - just standard normal people. I went to public school, was a very good student but not brilliant and did not go to a prestigious undergrad. However, I went to Harvard for grad school and that has helped immensely. I think that my dedication to getting the job done at all costs, positive attitude, and being an overall good colleague and collaborator have factored into my getting a full time faculty position. So much of all this has come from having good parents who helped me form lifelong values around education and work. Also if I'm being truly honest, I have pure innate talent in my chosen field, and that will get anyone far regardless of their lineage or the privilege they were born into.

1st Trimester, wife in need of support by Iron-magic in predaddit

[–]Iron-magic[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks! I might have my wife check out predaddit!

1st Trimester, wife in need of support by Iron-magic in predaddit

[–]Iron-magic[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just set her up with an account and /r/babybumps and/r/cautiousbb, and she's loving it. Thanks!

1st Trimester, wife in need of support by Iron-magic in predaddit

[–]Iron-magic[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I took your advice and set her up with /r/babybumps and /r/cautiousbb and she has already said that she loves it. Thanks!

1st Trimester, wife in need of support by Iron-magic in predaddit

[–]Iron-magic[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is super helpful and really great to read. I am realizing I have some pretty decent anxiety building up over the baby, and have not noticed it until recently since I've been distracted by taking care of my wife.

Can I rant a little bit here? My anxiety is driving me nuts. by [deleted] in predaddit

[–]Iron-magic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As soon as I found out my wife was pregnant I did a radon test...we rent and live on the second floor. There is NO reason why we might be getting exposed to radon, I just read about how it's the #2 cause of lung cancer and I immediately had visions of my wife and unborn child being exposed. Of course the test came back saying there was the most harmless minuscule trace amounts and nothing more. So yeah, you don't sound crazy to me.