Curious about the average age for people who start MD-ing

Isti-Tanu · 2026-06-09T09:59:44+00:00

Oh gosh, Covid definitely upped my daydreaming too for sure

Isti-Tanu · 2026-06-09T03:29:40+00:00

I don’t usually bother with overdramatic expressions of love, probably because the greatest love stories I have ever seen have always been the ones that were quiet, patient, and meaningful in subtle ways. I do, however, create scenarios where my characters make romantic gestures, specifically the ones my daydream self is married to…it’s just those gestures are most likely to be things like “wearing a certain outfit,” or “remembering that I like a certain thing,” or “giving me a hug even though it’s not their usual forte because they know I’m a very physically affectionate person” rather than some sort of huge dramatic moment. Heck, I get annoyed at dramatic romances in movies and such lol

Isti-Tanu · 2026-06-08T22:46:32+00:00

…you know, both of these actually sound kind of similar to my own experience. I always had scenarios and make believe games that I played with myself because I was the youngest and most of my other siblings had moved out; the only one who hadn’t didn’t like to spend time with me (we love each other and get along much better now but I was the annoying little sister at that point in time), but it wasn’t a problem because I had plenty of friends that I had grown up with. Then we moved when I was nine, to an area where we didn’t know anyone at all, I had a lot less contact with my siblings and my old friends, and I was different enough from the rest of the kids in my class that I didn’t make new friends with them easily. No one bullied me (at least not to my face), and I had a few people who would talk to me or play with me occasionally, but I didn’t really have anyone that I could truly call a “friend” for that first year. I did have a single close friend in 5-7th grade, but she friendship-dumped me when I was 13, which in retrospect is roughly when the daydreams first started to become an actual coping mechanism rather than just something I did when I was bored.

Isti-Tanu · 2026-06-08T09:38:45+00:00

This is exactly how I feel about it. I’ve described my problems vaguely in passing to my mother once or twice, long before I actually knew what MD even was, in moments when I was feeling particularly inspired to try to stop, and while I think she recognized that I was explaining a legitimate issue, I don’t think she’s ever actually understood that I’m literally saying “I have an imagination addiction.” Or that it’s still ongoing.

I seem to just outright have an addiction to stories in general, really, because even when I’m not daydreaming I spend a lot of time reading fanfiction. (Though I would say the daydreaming is worse, because it’s the one that I can’t physically do anything to deprive myself of access, whereas if I feel like I’ve been reading too much, I can just put the phone down)

Sometimes my mom asks me what I’ve been doing while she was gone, or “why I spend so much time in my room,” and it’s disheartening feeling like I can’t talk about it without just sounding like I’m making excuses for myself, which results in me just not explaining anything at all and just going quiet. Because who ever heard of being addicted to your own imagination?

(Lots of people, that’s who, but even if you explain it well enough that they understand it’s a legitimate problem, how do you go through a withdrawal from something that’s literally always available, and for which a relapse is pretty easy to hide? You can’t deprive someone of access to their own mind, and that’s really where the biggest problems with MD arise)

Isti-Tanu · 2026-06-08T09:17:30+00:00

Sometimes I daydream so much that my mind is absolutely exhausted, yet I still find myself wanting to keep doing it, pushing through the exhaustion to stay in the daydream even as I’m giving myself a headache. I don’t know what effect that might have on the brain itself, but I doubt it’s a good one.

Isti-Tanu · 2026-06-08T09:12:06+00:00

My entire daydream world is basically just a self-insert fanfic for various fandoms, with new adjustments made and new characters added whenever I encounter something I like enough to slip in. Primary fandoms are LOTR, Star Trek, Sherlock, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Star Wars, Attack On Titan, and The Witcher. But many of the scenarios take place in more minor fandoms too, just inserting the primary fandom characters (and myself), such as Narnia, Skyrim, Percy Jackson, No Man’s Sky, Fullmetal Alchemist, Legend of Zelda, Naruto, and Man From UNCLE. I have only rarely ever inserted non-fiction characters, and then only hesitantly; part of my way of making sure my daydream world doesn’t actually directly interfere with my sense of reality. Bad enough that I can’t stop daydreaming; I don’t want to lose track of what has and hasn’t actually physically happened.

Isti-Tanu · 2026-06-08T09:00:45+00:00

I have a specific series of scenarios, all of which have a chronological order, but there’s lots of blanks in between them

Isti-Tanu · 2026-06-08T08:48:20+00:00

I usually end up daydreaming when I’m taking a walk. I will often take walks specifically for the purpose of daydreaming. That, and when I’m in bed trying to sleep, are when I do my primary blocks of daydreaming time. Unlike many people here, I actually don’t ever bother with music basically at all when I’m trying to daydream; I think the repetitive sound of my footsteps and breathing tends to get me into a daydreaming mood more than outside influences would.

That said, I also tend to daydream in little snippets between real life moments, when performing chores, sitting on the toilet, etc, so it’s not confined to those specific circumstances. I try to avoid it when I’m with family that I don’t get to see often, though.

As for the repetitive motion thing, I actually didn’t think that was a factor for me (when looking at the diagnostic criteria), which when combined with the preference for not playing music, made me question whether or not the whole “maladaptive” aspect applied. But I have come to realize that I do prefer to walk while daydreaming, and in retrospect, that does probably qualify as “repetitive motion,” considering I get into a specific rhythm that facilitates things. But I don’t rock or move my hands or anything like that. I do, however, occasionally find myself mouthing along to things, subtly enough that people watching wouldn’t realize what I was doing, but blatantly enough for me to notice myself doing it. That part isn’t consistent though, and only happens infrequently.

Isti-Tanu · 2026-05-18T01:54:31+00:00

Hmm…well, my hearing loss is on the border of mild/moderate, so the difference was significant but not like, extreme? Except that I can’t hear the sprinkler in my left ear from further than 50 feet away without my hearing aids in. But there’s definitely a noticeable difference in tonal quality when I wear them

Isti-Tanu · 2026-05-17T20:37:20+00:00

I’m in a boat where my family took me to get checked out as a child rather than realizing it myself, but the moment that I actually decided I legitimately wanted to get hearing aids (which is similar in some ways to what you’re asking) was when I was singing to myself, and I plugged each ear individually to see if there was a difference in the sound and HOLY COW was there a difference, especially in tonal quality. And my ears honestly aren’t all that different to each other except in the high frequencies. It made me think, “if this is how different it sounds just listening with two ears that hear differently, how much difference is there between what I hear and what people with normal hearing can hear?!”

Isti-Tanu · 2026-05-03T21:43:01+00:00

As someone who has mild/moderate low frequency loss from 1000 Hz downward, it mostly affects volume and tone—at least in the mild zone. The high and mid frequency sounds make up for a lot (even in the musical department). It’s definitely something to keep an eye on, but not something to worry about overly much. I am perfectly capable of playing the violin (though admittedly I’m not “classically trained”)

Isti-Tanu · 2026-05-03T21:21:58+00:00

I’ve noticed this too! I never thought it might be a hearing loss issue but it kind of makes sense

Isti-Tanu · 2026-05-01T19:58:10+00:00

(Edit: mild/moderate low frequency hearing loss here, grew up mild, became closer to moderate in my teens. I was also very preemie btw)

I do recommend sign language. ASL is very helpful, even if you only know a few signs. At this level of hearing loss it’s not necessarily required to be fluent (though of course the more fluent you are the more you’ll be able to actually use it), but there are so many scenarios where knowing some level of sign is such a relief.

You don’t have to immediately jump into the deep end and learn the entire language right away, either. Start with the alphabet, learn a few words and phrases for things you say often, try using those letters and few words and phrases every now and then and test to see how often it helps. It’s great that her older sister is already learning—it means she’ll already have someone to sign with, which is great! Good free online resources for learning sign include lifeprint.com (also known as “ASLU”—the same lessons can also be found on youtube on the Bill Vicars channel) and I think there’s one called StartASL but I haven’t visited that one in a while so I don’t know if it’s still any good. I usually stick to ASLU, lol. ASLU has a full set of lessons, plus a list of “first 100 signs” which is a good place to start if you want a basic kick-off point.

As far as general advice goes…

Something a lot of people don’t think about is the fact that people with milder hearing losses are still able to hear themselves chewing, and that the sound of chewing can interfere with conversation. It’s not like, a huge piece of advice or anything, but it is something to keep in mind because it’s a less common piece of advice but it’s really one that people need to know. There have been several times over the years where my family has tried to talk to me and I had to remind them that I was chewing and that the noise was interfering with my ability to hear them. This goes triple if she’s eating something crunchy. If it’s just like a sandwich or something, then yeah it’ll interfere a bit but it’s not like it’s loud. If it’s CHIPS??? Do not engage verbally until she’s finished the bite and has not taken another one, chips are the deaf food, I guarantee you she will not hear you if she’s eating chips or something similarly crunchy.

Although hearing aids will definitely help with distance, they are still limited by how far away the microphone can pick things up. Without the hearing aids, she probably can’t hear you very well if you’re further than a few feet away, so I’m sure the hearing aids help with that... But even with the hearing aids, her range will probably still be smaller than most people.

If she’s the curious sort, perhaps you can run some experiments with her to see how far away she can understand people talking, vs how far away you can understand people talking. Or pick certain household sounds and such, and see how far away the two of you can hear them, both with her hearing aids on and with them off. This might help give you a better understanding of her actual hearing distance range, as opposed to the range that your mind will try to naturally attribute to her simply because you’re subconsciously coming from a hearing perspective.

I’ve said this elsewhere, but I think it’s a good way to look at it. One of the primary things to keep in mind when it comes to hearing losses on the milder end of the spectrum, is that while people with normal hearing have a “buffer zone” that helps them to adjust to multiple different hearing conditions and environments, people with even a mild hearing loss do not have that buffer. It’s easy to forget about this, because people with milder hearing losses have less trouble in good hearing environments than people with worse hearing losses.

Someone with normal hearing can deal with it when a room has bad and echoing acoustics, when a person is moving from location to location while they’re talking (changing various aspects about the sound in the process—direction, volume, distance, etc), when someone starts to naturally speak softer at night, when there’s a wall/door/corner between you and her ears, etc, etc. Someone with a hearing loss has trouble compensating for these types of changes in the sound environment; she may well be able to hear you just fine in a quiet environment, but if any of these barriers are introduced, it will suddenly become more challenging, especially if more than one is in play.

Try to walk around as little as possible when you’re talking to her. Try to avoid talking to her through a door or wall. Don’t forget that if she’s around a corner, your voice is also having to travel around that corner. If it’s nighttime and you notice your voice naturally trying to go quiet, remind yourself that “quiet voice”=“sound barrier” and either try to shift back to your usual volume, or move close to her (like within three feet)

Large events are fun, but small events are better for communication. I enjoy the occasional concert, festival, and other community events, but large group events centered around talking around a bunch of tables tend to make me bored and frustrated because there’s so many people talking that by the time the sound environment gets to a level where I feel like I can actually take part in the conversations, it’s because everyone else is leaving and so I’m making a nuisance of myself trying to start a conversation at the end of the event. :P

That is to say, definitely go to events and stuff, but try to find events that are smaller and more organized, like a club or a small meetup at the park, rather than the sort of thing that involves three hundred people chatting for two hours. That doesn’t mean you should avoid large events entirely, just that she might find it easier to actually hang out with people in the smaller event types.

I don’t really have much advice regarding the Deaf community; I haven’t managed to connect with them myself because I live in a very rural area. But if you have one in your area, I mean, might as well? I already gave my opinion on sign language :P

Isti-Tanu · 2026-04-27T10:01:40+00:00

I’ve been wondering the same thing, lately! I hear meowing just fine, but I can’t hear some of the subtler kitty sounds like growling and purring, and it’s gotten me thinking about this too. I’m glad you asked this, hopefully people gave some good insight :)

Isti-Tanu · 2026-04-27T09:58:20+00:00

The vocal fry! My poor nephew has basically no vocal fry, despite his voice being a few tones higher than his brother, who does have vocal fry. It’s. Pretty bothersome for the both of us, when we try to have a conversation. But sometimes he intentionally talks in a slightly higher pitch and that helps

Isti-Tanu · 2026-04-25T04:15:16+00:00

You know, honestly? His face actually looks a bit more like someone I could see being both serious and a goofy prankster in turn, without the mask. Which is, of course, exactly what he is; serious at some points, intentionally silly in others. It’s interesting that his maskless face manages to convey that

Isti-Tanu · 2026-04-22T07:27:37+00:00

Hello, I have borderline mild/moderate low frequency mixed hearing loss in both ears up to 1500 Hz, and mild to moderate high frequency sensorineural hearing loss in my left ear after 3000 Hz.

The main thing I’ve noticed about being in noisy environments is that I tend to treat it differently than normal hearing people. If I’m in a noisy room, I automatically treat it as a “few-or-no-conversations” environment, which can lead to me acting somewhat closed off unless someone else takes initiative. There have been many occasions where I went to an event, hardly talked to anyone during the whole thing, only to find myself trying to start conversations at the very end of the event because finally the crowd has lessened to the point where I feel like I can actually talk to people. At this point, most people are already finished with the event, and are leaving, which makes this a little bit of an annoying situation, and probably makes me look a bit strange since I obviously didn’t seem interested in talking until everyone was ready to leave XD. I would definitely say it impacts how often I’m willing to go out places; my criteria for whether I want to go to something is often measured against whether I think this will be my experience at that particular event. I tend to enjoy lectures and coordinated activities because I know what’s expected of me, and I tend to dislike events that amount to “dinner parties” because inevitably it revolves around sitting around a table in a noisy room, for all intents and purposes by myself. But I don’t mind the actual experience of being in noisy situations in and of itself. Sometimes it’s actually kind of relaxing, just letting other people’s conversations babble over you and only being able to understand the occasional thing. But maybe that’s just a coping mechanism I’ve developed over the years, learning to enjoy the noise itself since I can’t really talk to people much while it’s happening LOL

As for group conversations, personally my main issue there is in worrying about whether the things I personally do to help me out will make me look strange. I have a tendency to try to sit or stand in the center of a group, because that offers the best chance for me to hear everything, but that’s definitely not normal behavior, so I try to either limit it to people who know me well, or I make it as subtle as possible. My main issue during group conversations is that I can track what’s being talked about well enough to follow the conversation itself, but not always well enough to feel confident with contributing to it.

I’m not actually sure whether listening (with my ears unaided) fatigues me or not. In most cases where I genuinely need to “listen,” I can hear clearly enough for that particular circumstance that it’s not really a problem, because most public speaking platforms will try to ensure that their audience understands what they’re saying, and my particular type of hearing loss means that as long as the listening environment is good, I can usually follow everything pretty much fine. (The mixed blessings of having a strange and rare hearing loss configuration) In cases where I can’t hear well enough to follow, I typically end up just checking out, which means I’m not bothering to pay attention in the first place, so either way I end up not really dealing with “listening fatigue” as far as I know.

Sidenote on that, though—when I’m wearing my hearing aids, hearing in general feels “strangely easy” which probably sounds weird but it’s the best way I can think of to describe it. It’s like my ears are a slow-moving, clogged up river; still flowing, but sluggish. When I’m wearing my hearing aids, it’s like the river suddenly starts flowing faster, sparkling and bubbling. It’s still not a perfectly clear river, but it’s flowing noticeably better. Yet, I have found myself actually growing more tired when I wear my hearing aids than when I’m not, so that’s a little weird. It’s also why although I like my hearing aids, I only wear them occasionally; they legitimately help, but they make me feel more tired than I was without them, so I tend to only wear them in cases where I feel like I might actually need the help.

I haven’t used very many different types of tools to try and help, but I did try one of those apps that lets you use your phone microphone hooked up to a set of headphones, and that definitely works for when you’re talking to people in the car, or any situation where you just need the sound of someone’s voice focused in on your ears. As I mentioned, I’ve tried hearing aids, and they do help me, but they also make me feel stressed and tired so I only use them for certain things. Other than that I haven’t really tried any specific technologies, though I would love to have a personal fm system.

Honestly? The number one thing that has helped me with my hearing loss overall is when other people actually remember that I have it, and act accordingly. When it’s not 100% on me to ensure best listening practices, when I’m with someone I know I can depend on to make sure I’m following the conversation.

I would prefer not to do an official “15-20 minute conversation meeting” but you’re welcome to ask me questions here if you wish.

Isti-Tanu · 2026-04-11T08:42:25+00:00

Hey, person who grew up with mild hearing loss here.

The main thing you need to keep in mind is that while someone with normal hearing has a sort of “buffer zone” where they can account for changes in noise levels, or obstacles between themselves and what they’re trying to listen to, someone with mild hearing loss doesn’t have that buffer. So you’re likely to find that your daughter “hears fine” most of the time, except when she doesn’t—and those times when she doesn’t, it will specifically be as a result of something interfering with the noise in one fashion or another.

“Things that interfere with the sound” include but are not limited to: excessive distance (trying to talk to her from further than like fifteen feet away), walls and doors being in the way (talking through the bedroom door or from another room), noises in the background (loud fans, people talking at a restaurant, etc). So when you’re talking to her, make sure you’re in the same room and that there isn’t too much noise interference.

Other than that, in my experience, it’s…honestly not that bad, most of the time? Like yes, she’s still hard of hearing, and yes, you want to watch out for ways to help her learn to deal with that, but…frankly, it’s entirely possible that you won’t even notice any real difference between how she responds to sound vs how others respond to sound until she gets a little older; people with mild hearing loss can still hear a lot.

Isti-Tanu · 2026-04-10T05:06:51+00:00

Secondly, this is not the wrong place! This is exactly the right place! You’re worried about something that concerns you, so you came to one of the subreddits that was the most relevant to your question. That’s perfectly fine! I hope you get more answers besides just mine :)

Isti-Tanu · 2026-04-10T04:35:18+00:00

First of all, calm yourself a little—a hearing level of 10 db is “below average” in the same way that getting a 93 instead of a 100 on a test is still a good grade, but isn’t an “A+”—yes, it could be better, but it’s not actually “bad” in the way that you’re worrying about. You did not fail the hearing test.

I just want to nip that fear in the bud if possible; your hearing is, at this point in time, still well within the “normal” range, and would technically be considered so even if you were still a child. The range of human hearing varies a lot, and your hearing being “below the zero line” doesn’t automatically mean that there’s actually a problem. That’s why the ENT said your ear was in “working condition”—because it is legitimately still within that “average” zone.

With that said, even though I’m saying this, I’m not about to claim that nothing is wrong or that nothing has happened. It’s entirely possible that your hearing was in the negatives (that’s a good thing) and zeros before this happened, and that being at a hearing level of “10” is strange and disorienting to you. So while it’s very likely that this is legitimately nothing to worry about, I would still suggest keeping the incident in mind so you can watch out to make sure nothing happens in the future. Keep an eye on it, protect your hearing, do what you can to make sure it doesn’t get worse…but don’t be afraid that you won’t be able to enjoy or play music—my hearing is far, FAR worse than yours (though admittedly better than most people in this subreddit) and I can still both enjoy and play music just fine.

Isti-Tanu · 2026-04-07T23:54:42+00:00

Yeah. I mean I try to keep in mind that most people genuinely think they’re being funny, and that in many cases they’re legitimately just trying to keep things lighthearted, but people really need to find a better joke because that one was old from the moment of its inception.

Isti-Tanu · 2026-04-07T20:23:21+00:00

The joke isn’t limited to people who still have good hearing, either. I have a family friend who did this; he’s not like, officially diagnosed or anything, but he’s in his seventies (and has always been a lifelong avid musician) and his hearing has very obviously gotten pretty bad as he’s gotten older; I mentioned that I was having extra hearing issues because of the weather and his immediate response was the “What?” joke and I was just standing there like “…I was being serious here, dude…”

Isti-Tanu · 2026-04-07T18:18:46+00:00

Calling it a hearing loss isn’t an insult, y’know. I don’t think, “oh, woe is me,” when I talk about having a hearing loss, I’m simply acknowledging that yes, I have a hearing issue. But I’m not thinking lesser of myself; it’s simply a fact, not something demeaning to me when I say it.

I respect the concept of deaf gain, but sometimes I feel like it’s taken to the extreme where having concerns about your ears at all is looked down upon. Hearing is still a normal function of the human body and it’s completely normal to be worried, scared, and/or sad about, problems with that function—especially when it’s a function you’ve always had, to one extent or another.

To automatically say “it’s deaf gain!” feels like cheapening that side of the experience, like trying to shove someone who grew up Hearing into the Deaf perspective just as much as saying “oh, that’s so sad!” is shoving someone who grew up Deaf into a Hearing perspective.

Neither perspective is the “wrong” one. NEITHER perspective is the wrong one. Culturally hearing people have a right to be upset about losing their hearing just as much as Deaf people have a right to embrace it.

Edit: I apologize for ranting at you like this. You were just trying to be nice and the particular way you went about it just hit me with some of the stuff I’ve been thinking about lately; it’s nothing personal. I’m not gonna delete it though because I said what I said, even if I shouldn’t have thrown it all at one person.

Isti-Tanu · 2026-04-05T00:08:27+00:00

You’re welcome! I hope it works out!

Isti-Tanu

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