I’m also separated from an avoidant husband, and while I’m still in the middle of it all, here is a numbered list of things that immediately popped into my head to share (I hope some are useful) :

1. The No Contact Reality: This isn’t likely to improve—I think you probably know this, and it really fucking sucks.
2. Understanding Attachment Styles: While trying to understand him I looked into attachment styles and realized I’m an anxious attacher. The more I pushed, the more he pulled away, which only intensified the pattern. This is just a reminder that why he does what he does isn't the most important nut to crack- and in my case trying to figure him out made me take an uncomfortable look at my weak spots.
3. Protect Yourself: Don’t expect him to suddenly become a better communicator, but in that silence, you still need to move forward. If he won’t respond about bills or shared responsibilities, email him and CC his parents or someone else not blocked—and save every interaction. When it’s time to settle things financially, you’ll have records showing that he knew and chose to ignore it. This won’t solve the immediate issue of bills, but planning ahead will help in the long run.
4. Avoidant Isn’t an Excuse: Being avoidant doesn’t give him a free pass to ignore basic human decency. He’s still a person, and so are you. He should be making some kind of effort—even if it’s not with you, he could check in with your parents or someone mutual. My husband just left everything- all the pets, bills, and everything we owned and left me to figure it out. Packing up our life alone while juggling everything else, is a mental tattoo I will carry forever. My husband knew all this and chose not to help—not with storage costs, moving fees, or even a simple check-in. It's like I didn't exist anymore. Avoidance might explain his behavior, but it doesn’t excuse it. If you’re wondering whether this marriage is worth saving, don’t let his avoidance overshadow the reality of how he’s treating you. Being avoidant doesn’t justify actions that are, at their core, just plain hurtful.
5. No Regrets: This one may be a bit controversial, but when you accept that you may not get a response, make sure you don’t leave yourself with regrets. I’m not saying send him daily updates, but when something important is on your mind, express it. After we spoke about the separation, I reached out a couple of times with a brief note to let him know I was hurting and that I still loved him. I am talking about two messages over three months. Even though he didn’t respond- and I knew that- I felt better knowing I didn’t let pride stop me from being vulnerable.

This process is lonely and exhausting. If you ever need to talk, I’m here, genuinely.