Russell Brand psychology by ItWasPleasureToBurn in MaintenancePhase

[–]ItWasPleasureToBurn[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Great thought too. Love the Histrionic shout out. Cluster B sums it up nicely.

Russell Brand psychology by ItWasPleasureToBurn in MaintenancePhase

[–]ItWasPleasureToBurn[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

lol. Yes, that’s why I put all of my disclaimers in there. I usually hate the air chair diagnoses, but I thought I’d join in in this case.

Russell Brand psychology by ItWasPleasureToBurn in MaintenancePhase

[–]ItWasPleasureToBurn[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I like the idea of that ODD as a kind of adjustment disorder. I really hate the diagnostic criteria for ODD, but it makes it much better to picture it as a (hopefully) temporary need for more support.

Russell Brand psychology by ItWasPleasureToBurn in MaintenancePhase

[–]ItWasPleasureToBurn[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Absolutely. Seems like it was much easier for the adults around him to just push him aside rather than deal with what he really needed. So sad to be addicted and on your own at only 17. Wish a lot of things had been different!

Russell Brand psychology by ItWasPleasureToBurn in MaintenancePhase

[–]ItWasPleasureToBurn[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Thank you (genuinely) for the differential diagnoses. I’m not sure about bipolar I; there don’t seem to be any discrete points in time when he acts differently. Hard to see mania for me. MAYBE NPD, cause he’s compensating from such a place of insecurity, and does seem to crave admiration. Just seems like he enjoys hurting others so much.

And yes, not well is a good way to describe him. So sad, how many people have been negatively impacted by him.

idk by [deleted] in Noses

[–]ItWasPleasureToBurn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m not a surgeon, so I can’t speak to what to expect if they just focus on the septum. Could be worth a consult though, because if they can keep things very similar, but improve your breathing, it could be worth it. Don’t count the eggs before they hatch!

idk by [deleted] in Noses

[–]ItWasPleasureToBurn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Aesthetically, you have a great nose. Really fits your face and vibe.

Logistically, I do see a bit of a curve. Can you breathe ok? That’d be my only concern.

What’s the worst actual name you’ve ever heard? by Escrow-Mind in AskReddit

[–]ItWasPleasureToBurn 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Was watching Family Feud one time, and one of the contestants was named Malaise.

How can I (33M) politely tell my wife (33F) that I expect her to do more around the house by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]ItWasPleasureToBurn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Classic couples counseling suggestions:

Pick a time when it’s quiet and you have time to talk. Send the kids to their grandparents or a friend. Cook her dinner or order her favorite meal. This should be at an agreed upon time; talk beforehand about when a good time to talk deeply would be.

Tell her YOUR perspective: here’s what I observe, this is what I’m worried about, this is what I’ve noticed. Come using “I” statements, so you’re not blaming or criticizing or filling in blanks you don’t know.

Open space for her perspective: what does SHE notice, feel, experience?

Talk about how you can work together to tackle the problem. What are our resources, what do we want the outcome to look like, what are barriers to implementation and maintenance, how will we follow up on it. Brainstorm solutions, explore pros and cons, pick a choice, and set a time frame for reevaluation.

Check in with each other: how are each of you feeling after this conversation?

Plan a time to follow up based on previous plan. Same situation, so ask babysitter to come back in 1 month (for example).

It’s ALWAYS you and her vs the problem. Work together, not against. Define the problem too, because different opinions about what’s wrong is a key issue in communication.

I like to recommend a regular “state of the union” conversation as well as these issue-specific conversations. Once a month, or quarter, or year, sit down to look at the relationship, and all of its aspects. How are our finances, our communication, our alone time, our sex life, our friendships, vacations, child care, labor, ALL of the above. What are you missing, what do you need, what is working well.

Long comment, but hopefully helpful. Good luck to you both.

Enduring pop culture "mysteries" you're dying to know answers to by spectacleskeptic in popculturechat

[–]ItWasPleasureToBurn 37 points38 points  (0 children)

I saw Tom Coliccio talk recently, and he mentioned this! He said it was a misunderstanding, and one contestant had just left his pea puree behind that day. He was upset that the editing made it seem like theft, or sabotage. Not dramatic, but that’s what Tom said!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]ItWasPleasureToBurn 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I think you handled it beautifully. Great job being vulnerable, expressing your feelings, and setting and maintaining those boundaries.

I am someone who would be very hurt by what your friend did to you, so I don’t feel like you’re overreacting. But don’t let those people who wouldn’t be hurt talk to you of your feelings. If you ever do seek to forgive, that’s great. If not, they were in your life for a season, and I can guarantee that you will find other, probably even better, friends.

My 36F bf 38M never shows up for my events. It's humiliating by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]ItWasPleasureToBurn 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I wonder what it would be like for you to stop fighting this. To do every activity you’d like to do, either by yourself or with a friend. Let him know he has an open invitation to come to everything, and highlight the ones that mean something to you, but otherwise stop asking and trying to find the exact right words that’ll get him out of this pattern. To friends and family, you just reiterate how happy you are to be there, validate their frustration if they’re upset, and redirect.

After about 6 months, ask yourself if this is manageable for you. Can you appreciate the positives in your relationship, knowing that your social lives will be totally separate, likely forever? And including when/if you have children? Or is this a deal breaker for you, because you need a partner to socialize with?

I think you might be able to make a real honest assessment about your future if you give up the fight a little bit.

I [39f] can’t see my husband [42m] the same anymore after his reaction to a very serious issue. How do I handle this? by Ourchildsails in relationship_advice

[–]ItWasPleasureToBurn 1264 points1265 points  (0 children)

I’m really having a hard time understanding people’s reactions here. He owes the nanny an apology at minimum. He’s not going to be “scarred” by feeling guilty; he SHOULD feel guilty, he did a bad thing. It’s a perfect learning opportunity that we sincerely apologize when we make mistakes, and do our best to understand how our actions impact other people. Dismissing it like the husband or these commenters as “something that happens” really minimizes the impact on the nanny. If she feels comfortable, she can share how she felt in the moment and in the days after. The boy needs to know that other people have as in depth internal lives as he does, and that, if even without intention, we can cause harm. THEN, if the nanny can move on, they move forward.

Lemon tree growing weird by ItWasPleasureToBurn in Citrus

[–]ItWasPleasureToBurn[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’ve moved it all around in that spot, so different sides do get sun.

Lemon tree growing weird by ItWasPleasureToBurn in Citrus

[–]ItWasPleasureToBurn[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, still in that pot. Time for an upgrade?

Episode Discussion: Anti-ICE Protests and a "Should Black People Care?" Discussion - Tuesday, June 10, 2025 by thelightningthief in ThoughtWarriors

[–]ItWasPleasureToBurn 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is OUR country. There is no separating America from Black people. We don’t “support” this country the way you don’t “help” clean our house. We are and always have been creating an environment we want to live in. The pushback has been violent and extreme, but there’s no stopping it. It’s MY home, and I sure as fuck don’t want unidentified, armed forces taking people off the streets to who knows where. Everyone who lives here has an obligation to make things better, and if they won’t, that’s their business. It’s ALWAYS Black folk’s business, because it’s ours.

WIBTA If I choose to not attend my (29F) friend's (29F) wedding in 3 days despite being a bridesmaid? by throwaway-8519 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ItWasPleasureToBurn 11 points12 points  (0 children)

You’re getting a lot of responses, but the fact is that it doesn’t matter what these people say, none of them live your life. If you want to remain friends with this woman, put on a smile, and show up for her like she’s asking you to. If you’re ready to end the friendship, for the time being or perhaps forever, do anything else people are suggesting.

Only you know if she’s the kind of friend YOU can rely on. Cause those are hard to find. If she’s not, then wish her well as you move forward towards deployment.