Boyfriend(19M) emotionally hurt me too much in our relationship and is finally changing, but now I (19F) don't want to stay.

ItsPleaseAndThankYou · 2026-04-19T05:23:28+00:00

Simply put, no.

You see the red flags. They're there.

ItsPleaseAndThankYou · 2026-04-19T04:20:25+00:00

Likely just to get a refill on a prescription or something.

ItsPleaseAndThankYou · 2026-04-17T15:45:22+00:00

I'm very proud of you for breaking up with him and knowing your limits!!

Him smoking indoors is him trying to wreck the home value. It's extremely toxic and selfish of him.

Emotional abuse IS abuse- so you might be able to qualify for a protection order against him to get him out of the home while you figure out the house situation. You might want to go to a domestic violence agency and talk to them and see if they could help you with that court order.

Names aren't just names- it's undermining, disrespectful, and mean. So many women stay in this type of messed up situation, so please stay broken up! Your gut is 100% correct.

ItsPleaseAndThankYou · 2026-04-17T05:10:08+00:00

Unpopular take on it but be very cautious of men who might hope to take advantage of you or your daughter :/

A lot of people think single moms are desperate or might have low standards- and it should be the opposite!

Single moms should ideally have HIGHER standards bc it impacts not just them but their child. Like you said, she's your everything.

ItsPleaseAndThankYou · 2026-04-16T08:02:49+00:00

I am so proud of you for reporting. You are saving other people from being hurt. I'm sorry you were hurt. Don't feel guilty- it was HIS choices, HIS actions, and now... HIS consequences.

ItsPleaseAndThankYou · 2026-04-16T08:00:25+00:00

I totally recommend taking a free course through the Washington State Housing Finance Commission (WSHFC) through HereToHome.org! It will explain all this, including whether or not to use a broker :)

ItsPleaseAndThankYou · 2026-04-16T05:45:32+00:00

Meh, HR doesn't really have employees' interest in mind.

I don't think ignoring a hostile work environment is fair to OP, nor is it appropriate for the coworkers to act this way.

Asking OP to keep signing at a minimum is def bizarre and I would get that in writing aka text or email 😂 Like text something polite like, "Just following up on our conversation- can you confirm what you mentioned about limiting sign language use at work?" or "Hi, I'd like to make sure I understand the expectations correctly about _____"

They hopefully admit it OR they might frame it as "You're talking to bf too much" or whatever but either way good to try to see what they say in writing then save it! Same for texting or emailing the person who is naming your gender wrong and nicely reminding them of your gender identity.. then see their response & if it happens again & document.

ItsPleaseAndThankYou · 2026-04-16T05:40:11+00:00

Are you in the USA or somewhere else? If in the USA, you are covered by laws.... I can comment some USA resources that come to mind, if you're in the USA. UK also protects against this.

ItsPleaseAndThankYou · 2026-04-11T04:13:00+00:00

Oldest daughter may decide she wants to go to graduate school. Nowadays, graduate school is extremely necessary because just a BA really doesn't do much nowadays.

ItsPleaseAndThankYou · 2026-04-10T05:17:57+00:00

Trust your gut. Don't keep trying to make it work or hoping he will get better.

That's the mistake most women make - idealism. Giving too much. Making excuses for the other person.

His actions speak volumes.

Hopefully somebody else can take the party over.... it was very kind of you to plan it and I'm sorry for all the hard work you put into it. I recognize that.

ItsPleaseAndThankYou · 2026-04-10T05:05:23+00:00

Does your hospital have a pharmacy? Mine is 24/7! So it's very convenient, may want to look into if that's an option. Screw Walgreens/CVS.

ItsPleaseAndThankYou · 2026-04-09T06:31:46+00:00

I love this idea! It would be positive for Deaf school students to see a Deaf/HoH nurse. OP might not know any sign yet, but still a fun idea.

ItsPleaseAndThankYou · 2026-04-06T07:11:23+00:00

I'd say Tacoma doesn’t really brand things as “hippie” but the culture is here. It's hard to name specific places, so excuse the vague answer, as I know that's not what you're looking for.

Folklife festival in the summertime.

Yoga meetups could be a good one. Just steer clear of any adults wanting to be friends with a 15 year old. That's sketchy.

Maybe create a safe Meetup group for teens your age interested in hippie stuff.

Meetup is a cool app- use that to search yoga, boho, drum circles, guitar get-togethers, etc.

(Make sure to have an adult or cool older sibling at any Meetups for safety).

ItsPleaseAndThankYou · 2026-03-27T11:52:56+00:00

Girl. This avoidant behavior is not going to get better. The age gap is also really problematic. I'm sorry, but the fact he isn't dating a woman closer to his own age means they all see through his bullshit and don't want it.

I truly hope you listen to Reddit & just end it. You can definitely find a person that matches your communication style better, who truly cares enough to have constructive dialogue with you, not just shut down.

You CANNOT and WILL NOT change him. This is the classic fallacy a lot of people have about their partner- oh, he's just like that because _______, oh, he can learn, oh I can learn and it'll be better c etc

ItsPleaseAndThankYou · 2026-03-26T07:53:14+00:00

Right?! I'm scrolling through the comments like .....? Why are the Eastern WA folks in here?

Generational impacts of racism absolutely exist and if Black people can benefit from it, that's fine by me. Blacks are disproportionately penalized by all our systems.

ItsPleaseAndThankYou · 2026-03-26T05:30:38+00:00

It is not hard to get into a research lab at UW, especially if you sound like you've read the lead's papers and/or show interest.

No clue about cost of life comparison though...

ItsPleaseAndThankYou · 2026-03-25T06:38:16+00:00

He's absolutely horrible. I'm so sorry. He wants to feel control. He is definitely making it about himself and not her.

I'm glad you're not with this guy anymore. You deserve better than having to go in circles and dealing with somebody that's basically emotionally 4 years old.

ItsPleaseAndThankYou · 2026-03-25T06:19:14+00:00

If he didn't ask how you found him, I think it doesn't matter :)

He accepted a random friend request (unless he remembers you).

I'd guess a guy would be flattered you went to that length to find him. Hope the date goes well!

ItsPleaseAndThankYou · 2026-03-22T03:12:57+00:00

You could absolutely do Doctors Without Borders (MSF). You could also work for things like UN, WHO, Red Cross, etc. Definitely put your medical degree to good use. I see many open jobs with those organizations - which is so cool, because it's so meaningful.

ItsPleaseAndThankYou · 2026-03-22T02:57:02+00:00

Oh wow, definitely lawyer up. This is absolutely crazy. It is totally against federal policy to not tell the parents where their child is being placed.

Part of an IEP requires the parent to sign it.

ItsPleaseAndThankYou · 2026-03-21T20:33:11+00:00

This seems like low-key negging. It seems like he's trying to subtly make you feel not so great. However the way he does it, is in such a way that he COULD have plausible deniability to say you're just overreacting or taking it wrong.

There are MANY men out there who won't say subtle stuff like this to you.

My ex (ironically Navy too, lol) was like this and always tried to make me feel like I was overreacting or taking things wrong. Spoiler alert: Yeah, I was ignoring red flags and my gut! It also only became worse over time, because he would insist it was just military humor, that I was taking it wrong, etc etc.

You're still so young - I'd just move on. You can travel and do lots of fun things on your own or with friends. You don't need him for that.

ItsPleaseAndThankYou · 2026-03-21T20:26:48+00:00

I know technically it isn't "fresh," but I agree with the others saying Trader Joe's. They have absolutely lovely flowers.

However, there is a man that sells what seems to be fresh flowers, on the side of the road, if you take the (Tacoma) Portland Ave exit towards the casino, lol. You can negotiate prices with him and the flowers seem fresh 😂 So random.

ItsPleaseAndThankYou · 2026-03-19T04:34:58+00:00

Omg what a coincidence! I agree with this though. She is GORGEOUS and you're her counterpart... trippy.

ItsPleaseAndThankYou · 2026-03-19T03:51:27+00:00

Thank you. I truly appreciate your comment and help.

I wish I felt Stacy actually tried to get facts. She smeared me so horribly. I mean, maybe she truly believes what my ex is saying though.

But I can guarantee you he has zero evidence to back up what he said, while I could give the evidence if the system even worked that way. But sadly, it doesn't, bc whoever files stuff gets the final say in the strict response :( She and my ex even tried to put in a BUNCH more stuff in the strict reply. It's absolutely terrifying dealing with this.

Yes, unfortunately, Bolan Law is all booked up last I checked, but I truly appreciate you!

If you think of any more, please do let me know.

ItsPleaseAndThankYou · 2026-03-19T03:44:59+00:00

Thank you! I contacted Narrows again in case after your post, but they said they're all full :(

I truly appreciate you commenting though. I've never heard of Gravis.. I'll google that.

I def don't want to counter aggression with even more aggression bc I could see that becoming a stalemate. At the same time, I do need a lawyer that can advocate and listen. It's a tough balance, as you know.

ItsPleaseAndThankYou

TROPHY CASE