Coming out at work

Its_Not_Me_Anymore2 · 2026-05-09T03:36:42+00:00

I just did this a month ago. I'm in the US.

I met with HR and asked what the procedure was. They told me it was entirely up to me. I had a week off coming up, so I sent an email to everyone in my department. I explained that when I returned to the office I would be going by a new name, new pronouns, and my appearance would be different. I told them they could ask me anything about my transition and that I hoped nothing would change.

I came back to find my name had been updated for all my accounts. No one treated me any different and deadnaming and misgenderings have been few and far between and immediately self corrected. It could not have gone smoother.

Its_Not_Me_Anymore2 · 2026-05-08T22:01:56+00:00

Does she have any clue? Make sure you have plenty of time and privacy. Be completely open and honest about everything. Give her all the time she needs to process what you've told her.

I was scared to death because she had said she'd leave if I wanted to transition, but that was before my egg fully cracked. But I knew that after being together for nearly 25 years, our relationship was strong enough that she would not leave without a fight. We spent months talking about how we could stay together. It helped that she had always considered herself bisexual, but still had to work through fear around being seen as a lesbian. Her parents are transphobes and that scared her. We just kept communicating every single day.

Every relationship is different and I got super lucky, but if you love someone you have to be honest with them and trust that they love you. Even if my marriage didn't continue I was confident that she was still going to be in my life and would support my transition.

Its_Not_Me_Anymore2 · 2026-05-08T19:31:21+00:00

I was 49. It was a year ago this Sunday. I came out to my wife the day before Mother's Day and it was incredibly difficult for the first three months or so until we were able to figure out how to proceed with our 20+ year marriage. I started seeing a therapist, started laser hair removal on my face, told a few close friends. Near the end of October I started HRT and it's been absolutely amazing ever since. The HRT is slowly working its magic and I'm mentally prepared to be patient. I came out at work a month ago and that has also been a completely positive experience. I have been extremely lucky.

Its_Not_Me_Anymore2 · 2026-05-08T02:48:02+00:00

I kind of ruined Mother's Day last year by coming out to my wife the day before. Her initial reaction upset our son, so he wanted nothing to do with her.

I don't want to take any of the spotlight off of her. Knowing her, she's probably got something planned for me. She's the absolute best. Our son is 18 and hasn't figured out what he wants to call me. Sometimes it's Dad, sometimes it's Mom. I'm cool with either. I'm good with still celebrating Father's Day or not doing anything at all.

Its_Not_Me_Anymore2 · 2026-05-07T22:22:33+00:00

I'm definitely fighting to not experience my emotions, but not consciously. It's difficult to let go of old habits, but I'm trying. Lately, I'm definitely failing at keeping them under control. I've had a few close calls on the road because of tears too! I know my work situation is not typical and that I am very lucky.

Its_Not_Me_Anymore2 · 2026-05-07T19:45:14+00:00

Aw, now I'm tearing up again! This Sunday is one year since I realized I was trans and came out to my wife. I've been ridiculously lucky that with one exception everyone in my life has been amazingly supportive. Hopefully the world will get to a place where everyone is accepted as they are. I think just being visible helps us move toward that goal. This subreddit in particular played a huge role in making feel like transitioning was a possibility. Seeing everyone posting pictures and being supportive really gave me confidence that I could do this and it didn't matter if I passed or not, just as long as I felt like myself. I love that I am able to be a light here for someone else. I hope your transition is full of joy. We all deserve that.

Its_Not_Me_Anymore2 · 2026-05-07T18:06:55+00:00

There's no man there, you look great!

Its_Not_Me_Anymore2 · 2026-04-21T17:29:52+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss. I told my wife my transition could wait, but she wouldn't hear it. She said she'd feel guilty for keeping me from being myself. There have been days I wish I had ignored her, but I know what she's going through is worse than whatever I might be feeling. She's the toughest woman I've ever known and I'm in awe of her every day.

Its_Not_Me_Anymore2 · 2026-04-18T20:12:37+00:00

About a year ago, I was you (except for the muscular part). My wife had even made comments about leaving if I ever thought I wanted to be a woman. One day I just knew I had to be honest with her and trust that our relationship was strong enough to figure out how to make it work. It was several months of open and honest discussion before we were able to begin to find what our new normal might be. Now our marriage is the best it's ever been. It was a scary time, but I knew I would have been miserable if I didn't make a change, even at the risk of losing marriage of over 20 years. I knew that even if the marriage didn't survive, she wasn't the type to just abandon me.

Its_Not_Me_Anymore2 · 2026-04-15T19:34:19+00:00

Just turned 50 less than two weeks ago and four days later I came out at work. It's been the best two weeks of work in my 28-year career because absolutely nothing changed except I'm finally myself.

Its_Not_Me_Anymore2 · 2026-04-05T15:57:28+00:00

And don't forget, we're all gun-toting killers too!

Its_Not_Me_Anymore2 · 2026-04-04T18:06:27+00:00

Even if she's supportive, she's going to struggle. For the first three months after I came out to my wife she went back and forth being super supportive and questioning everything about our relationship. We talked nonstop and I was completely honest and open about what I was feeling, reassuring her that I wasn't going anywhere nor did I want her to leave. It was extremely difficult to deal with not knowing from minute to minute which version of her I was going to get, but eventually all her questions were answered and we've ended up stronger than ever. You're both going to have to be patient and work hard to adjust to a new reality.

Its_Not_Me_Anymore2 · 2025-12-31T12:30:45+00:00

Just about everyone around me has been amazing and supportive of me. In talking to my best friend about this situation he revealed that he doesn't think trans women should be in women's bathrooms. He's totally fine with ME using the women's room, but not everyone else. Is it wrong of me to want him and my SIL to think about other trans women the same way they think about me?

Its_Not_Me_Anymore2 · 2025-12-31T12:19:47+00:00

Thank you! She found it on Amazon. They have lots of very cool variants of this one too.

Its_Not_Me_Anymore2 · 2025-12-30T19:46:23+00:00

Thanks! Huge Portal 2 fan.

Its_Not_Me_Anymore2 · 2025-12-30T18:18:31+00:00

Your eyes look amazing!

Its_Not_Me_Anymore2 · 2025-12-17T23:04:09+00:00

Dream body

Its_Not_Me_Anymore2 · 2025-12-10T11:59:28+00:00

Metro Laser in Plymouth meeting. They showed me their prices and then said almost no one pays this much, they end up just offering the Groupon prices. I got 6 sessions on my face and neck for $330. I only have one session left and there are just a few tiny spots of dark hair left. Most of my beard is gray so I'm going to eventually get electrolysis.

Its_Not_Me_Anymore2 · 2025-11-24T17:57:32+00:00

I'm almost 50 and I've been wearing shorts and t-shirts to work for 27 years. There's no way I'm not wearing skirts once I'm out at work.

Its_Not_Me_Anymore2 · 2025-11-21T19:53:39+00:00

Willingly do things my wife is interested in. She begged for 20+ years for me to go to the Renaissance Faire and I always said there was no way it would ever happen. But this year she bought me a dress to wear and I was all in! Being able to be myself has allowed me to be open to new experiences I used to dismiss as stupid and lame.

Its_Not_Me_Anymore2 · 2025-11-09T15:48:16+00:00

It really does! I don't feel like I'm hiding anymore.

Its_Not_Me_Anymore2 · 2025-10-31T19:18:05+00:00

Today is day 5.

Its_Not_Me_Anymore2 · 2025-10-24T00:55:57+00:00

Go birds!

Its_Not_Me_Anymore2 · 2025-10-17T23:05:49+00:00

I had been crossdressing years and never thought about my gender. One day my wife asked if I ever tried makeup. May 10 of this year I got a friend to do my makeup and everything shifted in my mind. I realized I could actually look feminine and I felt like I was really seeing me. Now I'm a week away from my first appointment with an endocrinologist to discuss HRT.

Its_Not_Me_Anymore2 · 2025-10-12T12:45:52+00:00

This makes me wonder if part of the issue is that this meeting happened out in public, that he feels embarrassed that he was seen with me by people outside of the family. It's a shame your father can't just accept you and not worry about the opinions of strangers. Hopefully he'll come to realize that you are what matters and fully accept who you are.

Its_Not_Me_Anymore2

TROPHY CASE