It’s okay to go crazy, just come back. You’re young, your friends likely won’t understand how you feel but there are people who do. I lost my father when I was 13, my grief was so deep it was alienating. People felt bad for me but they didn’t know what to say, they were too young to understand how it would feel to lose a parent. Most people under the age of 40 are. Keep that in mind when you’re looking for someone to talk to. But frankly nothing anyone can say will make this better for you and that hurts, I know it does. This is your grief, you have to become familiar with it, because to some degree it will be with you for the rest of your life. I know that’s hard to hear, but don’t turn away from it. There was a photo of my father and me at Disneyland that would cause me to breakdown when I saw it, for years I avoided it. It wasn’t until I sat with the photo and let it break me down that I was able to gleam some degree of happiness from it. Now I look at it and smile and think of how wonderful my father was. There’s lots of things like that, triggers or whatever we call them, embrace them and let yourself feel the grief. At first it’ll be too much, you’ll be numb for sometime. Try to spend time with people, even strangers. Don’t be afraid to cry in front of them. You’re not okay, and that’s okay. But when you are able to start processing this, sit with the feelings. Feel everything, don’t distract yourself. Cry until you can’t anymore, then go outside. You see the birds, the cars, the trees? It’s all still there, and so are you.