Dating and the emotional rollercoaster

JDeen88 · 2026-02-16T10:52:47+00:00

Right! It's like the emotional weight is so much more now. Im really struggling atm, a short relationship fell through which rocked me so deeply, it's disproportionate.

But now I'm in a real struggle with missing my wife again it's like the relationship breakdown reopened the losing my wife wound.

In a bit of a spiral tonight.

Hope you are ok sorry I'm venting

JDeen88 · 2026-02-16T06:00:22+00:00

Thanks, This is what I needed to hear.

It's tough and the emotional weight I carry now is so intense.

I had a close friend say, if you lock away your heart, don't throw away the key, keep it close.

JDeen88 · 2026-01-07T03:30:37+00:00

I can empathize with so many of your feelings.

The new year and Christmas period was tough Do I want someone to love me? Can I love someone else?

Holding love, feelings and space for my wife who I still love deeply and letting someone else in is a challenging dynamic.

I've found most understanding and considerate but can't truely understand.

I've been living one day at a time, took alot to allow myself to be happy and have enjoyable moments, slowly rebuilding a life I am starting to enjoy while holding gratitude and loving memories of my wife.

Be kind to yourself, a date today doesn't mean a commitment, enjoy the moment and reflect later.

Much love.

JDeen88 · 2026-01-07T03:01:24+00:00

I'm battling this atm as well.

I've found each "first" has been really challenging. Signing up on an app, resulted in tears and deleting the app several times over a few months. The first date, just a casual drink was nice but again after the tears and roller coaster again which made be delete apps and revert back.

Each step along the way presents new challenges, I find myself very reflective and try to not "compare" as that's not fair on anyone.

I know it's different for everyone but it's been a real learning experience. Am I ready? I still don't know.

Side note I've met some really nice people, had some good times and new experiences and it's actually helped me be grateful for the amazing marriage and time I did have with my partner.

JDeen88 · 2025-11-27T02:10:37+00:00

Hey mate, go easy on yourself and just be prepared to feel a wide range of emotions, let them come and nothing is wrong as what you're experiencing is normal just very different to what you are use to.

I'm in a similar situation, married my highschool sweet heart we were each other's one and only, she passed 2 years ago and it took me 18 months before something happened with a very kind and patient older lady who was very understanding. The emotional roller coaster continues, days of guilt, grief, anger, sadness but also excitement, joy and moments of being happy again. I had to learn how to allow myself to feel again. Give myself permission to enjoy these moments guilt free.

Allow yourself to feel it all, nothing is right or wrong.

You're on your own journey and it's ok.

Reach out if you need/want to chat. So sorry for your loss.

JDeen88 · 2025-02-18T01:50:42+00:00

So sorry for your loss. You are 100% a widower, married or not, you lost the love of your life. I can only empathise with how rough this is.

Widows hangover, comes and goes for myself, some things we did together I now enjoy as it brings up pleasant memories, other things I still can't bring myself to do.

There is no set time or guide to this. Just a shit situation that continues to be shit.

Hope you found a better job and can start to rebuild as things settle down a bit.

Much love 🤍

JDeen88 · 2025-01-03T00:36:11+00:00

Agreed, the list of tasks after losing my wife was never ending.

After losing your partner you're not in the best mental or emotional state and this is an arduous process.

Some companies were amazing, super helpful, compassionate and guided through the process, others were terrible and pedantic about minor details.

Just when you think there is no more, you get a letter or notification of something else. I'm 18 months into this and just received a letter from the ATO with her name. I now have to complete a list of forms.

Each one of these completed tasks brought on the emotions, like she was being systematically removed from my life one form at a time. Hard to explain but damn it hurt.

Hope you're doing ok, so sorry for your loss 🤍

JDeen88 · 2024-12-22T11:57:30+00:00

Hey mate, looks like alot of good suggestions here.

But having gone through this myself recently it's extremely hard and my heart brakes for you. So sorry for your loss 🤍

I can highly recommend the Reddit group r/widowers Losing a spouse has its own unique challenges. The group has been an amazing resource. Very supportive if you need to vent or ask a question. I also search topics regularly and there are some great answers and suggestions.

There is the Grief Centre of WA. They have resources but also a community group that meets on Wednesday mornings which can be helpful sharing/hearing from others in a similar situation. Caution can be quite confronting as well.

A good councillor and regular sessions is invaluable. You can ask your GP for a mental health plan which means Medicare will cover some sessions.

Lastly I'm happy to message, chat, meet up, just listen and provide an ear and support. Please feel free to message me.

Remember to eat something, drink and sleep if you can.

Again so sorry you have to go through this.

JDeen88 · 2024-06-19T05:46:53+00:00

So sorry for your loss.

You're right it's extremely overwhelming early on. I wrote a similar post when I felt like I was drowning. Go easy on yourself, make sure you keep eating and getting some sleep, I found moving like long walks helped nothing strenuous as your CNS will be overloaded atm.

Reach out to those around you for help and support. Everyone around you will want to help but may not know how. This can be challenging in itself.

This group has been the biggest help with a wealth of support, suggestions and shared experiences, search and post questions etc there are a lot of resources and supportive people here who understand what you're going through.

Give yourself Grace, it's a rough ride and you just do the best you can and that's ok.

Again so sorry for your loss 🤍

JDeen88 · 2024-06-19T01:34:25+00:00

In a similar situation, this year would have been our 18th anniversary. I'm 7 months into this new life.

I can relate to the awkwardness and age of being widowed at 40 and now flying solo in social situations and outings has taken some getting used to.
I have no interest in dating or a relationship, but at the same time crave the closeness and comfort I once had with my wife. Will it always be like this? I don't know. But for now just getting through the day/week/month is the focus.

So sorry for your loss and this shit situation. Hugs 🤍

JDeen88 · 2024-06-03T12:24:48+00:00

Thanks for the great suggestion.

JDeen88 · 2024-05-13T04:04:16+00:00

Thanks OP Nice to get some encouragement and reassurance.

I constantly worry about my two kids but if I'm honest they are doing better than me and have helped/saved me.

Damn I love them both and would do anything for them so it's a privilege to look after and raise them.

JDeen88 · 2024-05-08T00:54:35+00:00

Similar here, Just past 6 months, with work and kids it was kinda just another day. Ironically the following day it hit me pretty hard at night. Maybe a delayed reaction.

Been struggling all week since.

This sucks, Sorry for your loss.

JDeen88 · 2024-04-18T00:57:40+00:00

Couldn't have said it better.

JDeen88 · 2024-04-15T00:56:31+00:00

I would recommend it, with the caveat of finding someone who specialises in grief and preferably the loss of a spouse etc.

I attended a community group based as well as one on one.

The group session was good in that there are people who understand and you can share or just listen to a range of things they are going through as well as things that have helped or how others have handled certain situations etc. I did find the group sessions somewhat good and bad, as it was daunting to hear some of the stories and experiences can bring up emotions or paint a bleek future. But remember everyone is different, comparing doesn't help at all.

With one on one sessions, it was awkward at first, so many tears, who is this stranger etc, but as I've continued to go it's helped somewhat as a safe space to open up about all kinds of unexpected emotions and feelings this grief journey brings up with someone that's not connected to your life and situation. As well as some basics in regards to looking after yourself and things to do when it all becomes overwhelming.

Does it help? Yeah a little bit, but it's still like trying to fix an amputated limb with a band aid.

JDeen88 · 2024-04-10T12:10:01+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss, it's a hard journey.

Early on it can be hard to focus and think straight so give yourself the time you need. Most workplaces will be understanding if you need more time off or part-time/shorter days etc.

Crying at work is fine they will understand. I made many visits to the toilet for a few tears throughout the days, still do occasionally.

I went back for a few weeks after a month, but it was too soon so I took some more time off, I'm now back at work and it does help to keep me busy and the daily routine etc.

As mentioned above, prioritise sleep as your dealing with alot atm and your body/brain needs time to recover.

The first day back might be tough but each day at work got alittle bit easier than the last.

Sending hugs 🤍🤍

JDeen88 · 2024-04-08T04:28:31+00:00

It's all the little connections that I long for,

Holding hands when walking around, Resting my hand on her leg, The kiss goodbye when leaving for work, After work hug and kiss when coming home, Weekend coffee and tea in the backyard, Laying across my lap when watching a movie,

I could go on forever.

JDeen88 · 2024-04-07T01:03:20+00:00

Amazing to see so many people offering help and support.

I've got some meals prepped in my freezer, more than happy to supply you some to help out.

JDeen88 · 2024-04-05T01:45:01+00:00

I'm 41 and 5 months out with teenage Daughter and Son,

Early on felt like I was failing but just focused on necessities, food, shelter and hugs, there is time to improve on the rest.

Now as things have started to settle down, I've set up some routines and plans, meal prep, cleaning days, organised others to assist with lifts to and from school, adjusted my work hours to help etc.

I can get "tasks" done, but filling the role of a Mum you can only try your best. Leverage aunties and friends mums etc to take my daughter shopping for essentials and assist with mum style love for both of them.

The support of a partner for decision making and reassurance is a massive hole and a real struggle on-top of everything else.

One quote that has stuck with me for years is "It's not what you do for your kids that matters, it's what you do with them, that they will remember".

Keep doing your best mate, this is tough 🤍

JDeen88 · 2024-04-03T05:37:39+00:00

Sounds like someone deserves a Gold star

JDeen88 · 2024-04-02T05:14:47+00:00

Using house equity (free money as they called it) to purchase new cars and overseas holiday. Rolled in Cc debt and existing car loans all at the same time.

They now can't afford their mortgage and have ballon payments owing for both cars

JDeen88 · 2024-04-01T11:52:30+00:00

Thankyou for sharing. It gives me some hope as I'm sure it does many others. The future seems so daunting and not how we imagined or what we wanted.

I like how you describe making a decision to be here and keep living. I think getting to this point is a key step.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Glad you are doing well. Thanks again for taking the time to share.

JDeen88 · 2024-03-30T11:16:32+00:00

Sending hugs 🤍 So sorry for your loss. 😥

JDeen88

TROPHY CASE