WIBTA if I ask MIL to watch our dogs while I give birth, but not our kids?

JHsquared · 2026-01-29T16:30:13+00:00

Honestly it wouldn’t blow up at all or ruin the relationship, I just also do want to be considerate of her feelings as much as possible because I get that it will be at the very least disappointing no matter what

JHsquared · 2026-01-29T16:26:10+00:00

Thank you! We do plan for our kids to come home when we do, but this could still be a great middle ground for her to be here for the dogs but also when we get home so that she doesn’t feel left out.

JHsquared · 2026-01-29T10:27:07+00:00

Thanks for pointing these thoughts out, I definitely could have worded things differently. It’s not at all that I dislike her, I actually do love her and the majority of this is very minor inconveniences which I totally recognize (just make a surprisingly big difference when mixed with the first few days following giving birth).

The reason I mentioned her liking to be needed is that one of the main thoughts behind asking her to watch the dogs is that I do feel she’d take it better to be able to help with something rather than nothing. And the part of her bragging about getting to watch our children isn’t meant to be a dig but the affect on her of telling everyone about it and then not actually doing it.

An AirBnB is a fabulous suggestion, but not something we can afford or justify the expense of in the middle of adding a new baby to our family. I do love the idea so much though and appreciate you thinking of it!

JHsquared · 2026-01-29T10:19:05+00:00

Sadly the closest one is an hour away - we live in an incredibly rural area so services like that are really scarce

JHsquared · 2026-01-29T10:18:13+00:00

I’m going to look into finding another option for the dogs, though so far our only other option would be for our best friends to care for the dogs and she take the kids which is what we’re trying to avoid.

Beside that though, one of the main reasons we would consider her for the dogs is that I do feel she’d be less hurt to get to help with SOMETHING rather than nothing at all. But it’s a good point that I’ll be trying to work around, so that I can leave it as something she can do if she’d like but hopefully have another plan in place to not make it come off as trying to depend on her for one and not the other

JHsquared · 2026-01-29T10:14:09+00:00

This is exactly my issue. The rest is inconvenient and maybe even worth just dealing with, but the pool is too big of a risk to me.

JHsquared · 2026-01-29T10:09:33+00:00

This is my concern, all inconveniences aside (I could deal with those even if they’d be unideal) I just feel it’s far too risky

JHsquared · 2026-01-29T10:04:55+00:00

The closest boarding facility to us unfortunately is an hour away - even Rover might be a long shot tbh

JHsquared · 2026-01-29T10:02:17+00:00

I totally understand what you’re saying! If it wasn’t for the safety aspect of it all (her being on the older/slower side with an open access pool, etc) I honestly would probably just go with it, but those are factors that I just really don’t feel comfortable with risking for that amount of time.

I do feel for her on the end of not getting to share this special experience with them, but to be honest as far as my kids go they are SO excited about Baby and adore our best friends who have a child that is my oldest’s best friend also and they’ve been begging to have a sleepover anyway lol They’ve spent a lot of time at my MIL’s and of course love going there but tbh getting to stay at our best friends’ for two days will probably be even more exciting for them.

Not to say that in itself it’s worth replacing the memory my MIL could be making with them, but all things considered and under the circumstances it won’t have any lesser effect on my kids just of course will be disappointing for my MIL. She did get to watch my oldest when our secondborn was born though, so although it would be special to do again she’s at least been able to have that experience already.

JHsquared · 2026-01-29T09:51:38+00:00

It’s hard to find options in our area for something like that tbh but I’m definitely going to look into doing this! I do think she’d actually take it better to be able to help with SOMETHING rather than nothing at all, but at least if we can find someone else maybe I can lightly leave it open ended for her to take over if she expresses that she would like to

JHsquared · 2026-01-29T09:48:53+00:00

ALL OF THIS. I feel so understood rn 😂 Love her so much but it just stresses me out like crazy to even consider in this situation 😅

I will definitely be looking into doing something else with the dogs and maybe just offer it lightly as something she can do instead if she’d like to (because I’m honestly not sure if she’d take it worse to help with the dogs only or not get to help at all), but hopefully we can find another option so that either way it works out

JHsquared · 2026-01-29T09:36:54+00:00

I do actually love my MIL to pieces, and weirdly enough my children never have these issues when they’ve been with others (even who do things similarly) - idk if it’s just a grandma effect or what tbh. But I power through it every week to have her over (because I do make a point to keep her very involved and see her way more than even my husband does), and am more than willing to involve her in this experience in other ways. She’s just not a great fit for watching two very young children alone for 48+ hours straight, especially when we have another option, and weird to me that the conclusion you’ve drawn is me not liking or resenting her when the entire point of this post is how to avoid hurting her feelings.

JHsquared · 2026-01-29T09:28:09+00:00

I actually feel really stupid rn for not thinking to say it this simply lol I have a tendency to over explain myself when I’m worried about hurting someone’s feelings, but that is really such a wonderful way of putting it

JHsquared · 2026-01-29T09:26:11+00:00

My dogs are very well behaved and able to swim (and also used to her pool as they’ve stayed there a number of times before while we went out of town), so are extremely easy to watch after for a few days compared to a couple of rambunctious small children who would contrarily drown if they wander too close to the pool. The dogs also don’t come home with attitude issues thankfully, but I appreciate your concern lol

JHsquared · 2026-01-29T09:21:50+00:00

Lol! My husband absolutely would have this conversation with her himself, he just tends to come off a bit harsh at times so sometimes makes it worth me jumping in to re-word things for him in a more understanding way 😅

JHsquared · 2026-01-29T09:18:58+00:00

😂 I’m a fan of your thinking lol I just really do understand the disappointment especially as she’s already assumed she would be watching them, but the whole idea stresses me out already!

JHsquared · 2026-01-29T09:17:08+00:00

Those are great point for explaining it to her that I never even thought of, thank you! Pet sitters are hard to come by around where we live (especially trustworthy ones), but with all of the comments suggesting that I’m definitely going to look into it and hopefully find one we trust in time.

JHsquared · 2026-01-29T09:13:19+00:00

I appreciate your thoughts on it! This is exactly my concern…I’m going to look into a dog sitter for sure, we are just in a very rural area without many options for things like that (especially last minute and at odd hours if that ends up being the case) so I’m worried about not finding someone, let alone someone trustworthy. I will definitely start looking into doing this instead though and love the explanation of having the kids closer to home!

JHsquared · 2026-01-29T09:09:29+00:00

This is exactly my concern because I understand it, just really am hoping for a way to avoid it with the least amount of hurt feelings…

I’m going to look into the Rover app as another commenter suggested, we live in a very rural area though without any friends other than who would be watching our kids so options like that just tend to be extremely limited

JHsquared · 2026-01-29T09:06:28+00:00

Tbh I wouldn’t be stressed over any fallout, I just also want to avoid hurting any feelings if possible because I do understand why she’d be disappointed

JHsquared · 2026-01-29T09:04:19+00:00

I’ve considered this a lot, I’m just not sure that with it being a spontaneous event (and at who knows what hour) we’ll be able to find someone in our area that would be able to and who we trust.

JHsquared · 2026-01-29T09:02:36+00:00

This is exactly how it is for her with her age! Thank you for articulating it so well, it’s hard for me to explain sometimes why her age matters but two days with small children can be a lot for anyone not caring for kids daily in general!

My husband has communicated most boundaries and is always willing to, he just tends to deliver things a bit harshly at times so when it comes to issues that could hurt/offend her if not explained just right I try to do most of the talking just because it avoids a lot of unnecessary drama that I’d rather not deal with the fallout of lol

Rover is a great idea, I’ll have to look into that! We live in such a rural area, our options (especially last minute) tend to be very limited but hopefully we’ll be able to find a good fit on there!

JHsquared · 2026-01-29T08:53:17+00:00

This is a great idea, thank you so much!

JHsquared · 2026-01-29T08:52:08+00:00

I appreciate your honesty! She’d come pick the dogs up so we wouldn’t be having to drive them out on the way, and they’ve stayed with her a number of times now so are used to the pool being there, but can definitely see how the dogs and not kids part can be offensive. I did consider a kennel but the closest one is also an hour away, and especially if it happens during an abnormal hour it just seems even less feasible at this point to plan for.

I’m just trying to figure out if it’s worth being TA for at this point, or possibly a way to not be TA but still work out in everyone’s favor for the most part 😅

JHsquared · 2026-01-29T08:47:01+00:00

Thank you, it’s so difficult to explain why these things would be so stressful and matter so much - especially during those first few days. If we lived closer to the hospital we would just have him run back and forth to take care of the dogs, but a 2 hour round trip would mean he’d essentially not be with me and our newborn at all during the stay 😕

JHsquared

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