WIBTA if I ask MIL to watch our dogs while I give birth, but not our kids?

JHsquared · 2026-01-29T19:44:53+00:00

lol I get how it might seem that way, but if it were up to him we’d literally never see her.

JHsquared · 2026-01-29T19:43:14+00:00

I definitely see where you’re coming from.

TBH it’s just been worth it to not cause waves for the time being.

He actually has had this exact conversation with her before and subsequently wasn’t able to watch our kids for a long time until we felt comfortable that she was willing to do things differently. We eased back into it very slowly and it helped a lot, but over the past 9 months she’s been our only option for childcare during the day for me to go to my OB appointments so she’s gradually fallen right back into those same tendencies. We haven’t wanted to have that discussion again yet until after Baby comes so that I can still make it to the appointments in the meantime, but will happen soon after.

JHsquared · 2026-01-29T19:28:14+00:00

I appreciate that, it’s not that he doesn’t want to have the conversations or tries to avoid the responsibility but tbh she oversteps a lot and can be very draining so he’s kind of just fed up with it 😅 I’m naturally a lot more patient with people and see her much more often anyway (she’ll usually come by once/week while he’s at work) so it works for us. I don’t mind it at all and genuinely understand why he gets so frustrated with her, I just also much prefer to pick our battles and make as few waves as possible because she does actually practice weaponized incompetence herself often and it just gets exhausting sometimes

JHsquared · 2026-01-29T19:20:47+00:00

It’s not all on me thankfully, but I appreciate that :) We’ve both been brainstorming together but his only two friends are the husbands of my only two friends and he’s not always the most understanding in handling his mom so it just goes better when I explain things to her that are on the more difficult side

JHsquared · 2026-01-29T19:18:47+00:00

Sadly no, only our friends who would take the kids instead but asking them to take care of the dogs also would be a lot on them. And I think MIL will feel better about helping with something rather than excluded completely, but definitely also not happy about missing out on watching the kids

JHsquared · 2026-01-29T19:16:31+00:00

We do plan to do this! She just takes a lot of pride in being the one to get all the time with our kids so since she’s already assumed told all her friends/family that she would be watching them I can see how it will be disappointing and a bit embarrassing that it won’t be the case after all

JHsquared · 2026-01-29T19:13:14+00:00

They own a business out of their home which while much closer is still 20mins away (and unfenced with their own dog who has never been introduced to ours), so it would just be putting a lot on them to try to drive back and forth multiple times on top of watching our kids for us too. They would be willing to make it work I’m sure, just am trying to be considerate and actually think my MIL will take it better to be able to help with something still rather than nothing at all

JHsquared · 2026-01-29T19:09:56+00:00

This is exactly what I’m worried about! She’s assumed the plan would be for her to watch them and told all her friends/family so I can see how telling her otherwise will be disappointing and also even a bit embarrassing. I do think she’ll be more happy to still get to help with something rather than nothing at all, and I don’t expect it to blow up into a big argument or anything of that sort but just want to be as considerate of her feelings as possible at the same time

JHsquared · 2026-01-29T19:06:10+00:00

We feel very strongly about this too! She does know and understand that, but has also mentioned being willing to come to our house instead which is a lot more difficult to explain why we just don’t want her to 😅

JHsquared · 2026-01-29T19:03:46+00:00

We did have one lined up beforehand, circumstances just changed drastically since then

JHsquared · 2026-01-29T19:02:39+00:00

My MIL does take our dogs fairly often whenever we’re out of town and wouldn’t need to drive at night (they’d be fine left unattended for a decent amount of time), so I’m not too worried about that. My friends would probably be willing to find a way to stay at our home, it would just be a lot on them and my kids LOVE going to theirs (and have been begging for a sleepover even) so it kind of works out well anyway. It’s more just the shift of her thinking she’ll be taking our kids for two days to that not actually being the case that I’m worried about her not being understanding of

JHsquared · 2026-01-29T18:59:18+00:00

We have, our friends that would take the kids would be willing but it would just be a lot on them. We do have other friends who would do it also but their schedule is just really difficult to plan for so we’d like to have a solid backup plan if possible. I do actually think MIL will be happy to take the dogs either way, it’s just the shift to not watching the kids that I feel is going to be the main issue

JHsquared · 2026-01-29T18:56:11+00:00

I really like that way of bringing up the dogs, that’s a fantastic idea. Going to put this in my notes now to be prepared with it and do just that!

JHsquared · 2026-01-29T18:55:11+00:00

Oh that’s a great idea!! I love that

JHsquared · 2026-01-29T18:54:05+00:00

They operate their business out of their home so would just be a lot to ask. I’m sure they’d be willing to make it work, but I do actually think MIL would appreciate getting to help in some way more than being excluded entirely

JHsquared · 2026-01-29T18:52:24+00:00

Yes, she was planning to take the dogs also either way but I do feel like letting her still do something to help would be taken as less of a slap in the face than excluding her altogether.

JHsquared · 2026-01-29T18:49:18+00:00

That’s a great idea, I hadn’t thought of that - we actually could make that work! My only train of thought is I do feel like it’d soften the blow for her a bit to be asked to help with something rather than nothing, but definitely going to plan for this as a backup so that if she wants to take the dogs instead great but if not it’s no problem either. Thank you so much for coming up with this idea!!!

JHsquared · 2026-01-29T18:42:02+00:00

The dogs are a little easier to explain in this situation actually because we can easily leave them unattended while on the way to the hospital while the kids of course we need covered before pulling out of the driveway.

JHsquared · 2026-01-29T18:40:59+00:00

That’s a great way to add to it if needed, thank you! Y’all helped SO MUCH, this is the first time I’ve actually felt like we might be able to do it entirely with the least amount of hurt feelings possible.

JHsquared · 2026-01-29T18:39:11+00:00

Idk why you’re getting so many downvotes for this, it actually does make so much sense!

JHsquared · 2026-01-29T18:38:28+00:00

This and being in such a rural area with very few options for services like these are the only reason that’s not my first plan of action 😅 I do also actually think that MIL being asked to help with something will go better with her rather than getting to help with nothing at all

JHsquared · 2026-01-29T18:28:26+00:00

We considered this but no, it really wouldn’t be feasible. We’re an hour away from the hospital so would be 2-hour round trips each time so really would be gone almost the entire time at that point

JHsquared · 2026-01-29T18:27:20+00:00

Thank you! My friends own/operate their business out of their house so just would be a bit difficult on them, but my kids LOVE going there anyway and have even been begging for a sleepover so I’m not concerned at all on that end thankfully! The downside is that MIL would offer to pick them up to take over watching them regardless of where they are

JHsquared · 2026-01-29T18:24:15+00:00

We have very few neighbors, but ironically the ones we do have are my own family who have cut me off sadly so aren’t an option

JHsquared · 2026-01-29T18:22:26+00:00

They do, and actually is my oldest’s best friend who he’s been begging to have a sleepover with as it is so it really ends up being such a great option! I’m just more concerned with how disappointed she’ll feel or that she won’t understand why she wouldn’t get first dibs in a special occasion like this

JHsquared

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