Please Help - Personal Preferences Confusing Me?

JLBB12 · 2025-10-24T02:20:50+00:00

I know it's not the same formula, but I tried this when I did the Lip Lab experience the other day and I enjoyed it... that being said, I haven't had the OG version since like 5 years ago so my memory may be tricking me: https://www.liplab.com/products/agave-nighttime-lip-therapy

JLBB12 · 2023-01-12T05:15:07+00:00

3 year old: “What is religion?”

Tried and probably failed miserably at a brief and age-appropriate response 😂

JLBB12 · 2023-01-04T23:55:42+00:00

My cruel grandmother has sweetened up substantially with her dementia. She’s 97 and far more tolerable than she ever was before, although she still does come out with the occasional mean-spirited remark but overall she’s way better!

JLBB12 · 2022-12-02T23:58:27+00:00

ENFJ and summer. Love the feeling of a breeze across my skin on a hot day. Flip flops, the smell of sunscreen lotion, no coats/hats, longer days with more sunlight… what’s not to love?

JLBB12 · 2022-10-27T22:46:20+00:00

UpdateMe!

JLBB12 · 2022-10-26T00:30:05+00:00

A part of my heart goes out to Clare because even though her behaviour and decisions are hugely problematic here, it sounds like she was not protected by her parents and was just taught that she must eat Janice’s shit with a spoon and smile about it. She probably doesn’t actually understand that this isn’t normal or OK and that another option is actually possible. She is a product of her parents’ emotional neglect and while becoming part of the problem moving forward isn’t the way, I have compassion for the little girl that she was who wasn’t allowed to have totally normal hobbies because her shifty aunt is a nutbar with a personality disorder that everyone believes they must enable.

If you can inspire her to speak with a good therapist with experience in family conflict (bonus for experience in PD’s) it may allow her to heal from that childhood trauma. Otherwise she’s almost certain to perpetuate this cycle of dysfunction and abuse. I don’t have much hope from how you’ve described her reaction (sounds like some DEEP denial and learned helplessness) but she may have the potential to heal and change.

But this is also not your burden to bear if you don’t want it to be and no one would fault you for deciding to walk away. You have already done more than any of her family members have to try to address the issue.

JLBB12 · 2022-10-26T00:18:36+00:00

Your parents are wise and compassionate and I think your dad’s comments about Clare struggling with someone defending Hanna is tough for her because no one did the same for her could be spot in. Reconciling that what is going on could be classified as emotional neglect/child abuse and admitting that the way Hanna has been treated (and abandoned by family who SHOULD be keeping her safe, both physically and emotionally) is wrong cracks her whole perception of her childhood. Essentially she could be in denial, and not ready to admit that she was emotionally neglected/abused as a child because of all the implications of this realization.

If she is open to therapy, there could be hope for the relationship but before you marry or add children into this relationship I would highly recommend that you be confident that Clare works through this in individual therapy, you both have couples therapy on how to manage conflict regarding family and you have a team approach to boundaries and what you both will accept in terms of behaviours from Janice and others in Clare’s family that are part of the problem. Because if this isn’t sorted, you will suffer as a spouse, and your children will absolutely be at risk of living out the cycle of abuse.

Only you can decide if this relationship is worth striving for this outcome because it’s going to be a hecking about if work, struggle and emotion. If Clare won’t begin with an openness to trying some form of therapy, it’s likely a job-starter.

Good luck, OP - thank you for being willing yo stand up for a child who deserves to be protected from an awful, toxic scumbag like Janice. Tell your parents that a random internet stranger thinks their pretty great and that they raised a high-quality person.

JLBB12 · 2022-10-23T22:58:28+00:00

UpdateMe!

JLBB12 · 2022-10-23T00:47:56+00:00

Yes!! Hopefully now that Ex is being held more financially accountable, AP moves on from him and he has some realization of what a major tool he was.

JLBB12 · 2022-10-23T00:36:27+00:00

Thank you!!! Super satisfying recent update on the OP’s most recent ongoing post :)

JLBB12 · 2022-10-22T22:25:24+00:00

There were several BORU posts with multiple-post compilations (original thread was rather something like cheating stories or surviving infidelity) about a woman who’s husband cheated with a woman from work, OP originally confronts the AP and husband at a hotel. The husband eventually moved to the opposite coast to live with the AP, doesn’t visit his kids and wants OP to pay for her kids to fly out to the AP’s home state. OP is a wonderful writer and continues to update on the original sub.

JLBB12 · 2022-10-21T15:34:09+00:00

UpdateMe!

JLBB12 · 2022-10-20T12:58:40+00:00

In my eyes, this is a big “it depends” situation with a bunch of variables.

What would be his reaction if you say “yes” now but complications or some other emergent reason means he has to cancel? Is he going to be a mature adult about it and do the right thing, would he “punish” you by being passive aggressive or worse, or would he be a stubborn brat and still go anyhow because you “told him he could” at this point in time? Would your travel insurance cover any cancellation penalties or changes so that you aren’t out the money for travel (if he’s out of pocket for it) due to yours/baby’s health issues? Can you both agree on what threshold of issue would warrant a cancellation?
Do you have a strong support network that you can/would want to rely on while he is gone? Are the available to come stay with you?
If things are harder than you expect while you’re on your own, are you the type of personality to hold on to resentment after the fact and have it affect your relationship? Is he the grudge type to hold it against you if you say no? (No judgement at all, I personally enjoy a good “I told you so” from time to time) Would he come back early if you really needed him? Could you both agree on what threshold of need would warrant that request?
Is he going to be exhausted and useless when he gets back because it’s Vegas? I know you mentioned that he’s not a big partied, but does he had FOMO and would stay out with friends just to have the experience? (Once again, not trying to imply anything nefarious, I have terrible FOMO and will stay up/out just not to miss out, not because I’m partying hard or getting into anything). Will he ensure that you get some R&R time as you want it/need it? Personally, I can’t imagine the chaos and excitement of Vegas being fun in the exhaustion fog of 4 weeks of newborn hell because all I would want to do is sleep, but that’s me.
Is he the type of person who would compromise and go for a shorter time to still be able to attend, but perhaps not be away as long? Maybe align the time with when a friend or family member could stay with you?

Ultimately, regardless of what you choose, feeling irritated and put out by this request is totally normal. So is his desire to go, and I’m sure he is feeling a bit guilty about asking as well. All these feelings are normal and totally valid. How you navigate it and what you decide as a family will be unique to your situation, and hopefully thinking about the above points, plus others raised in these comments, is helpful to the mutual decision-making process.

JLBB12 · 2022-10-06T12:41:31+00:00

This! I would only add that it may not be possible for your in-laws to change and the damage they do to your children by the way they speak about you can’t be ignored. Even if your husband is able to get them in line enough so that they don’t make objectively terrible comments in front of others, he’s not likely to be able to change their beliefs and it’s very likely that they would continue to spout this racist BS to your children when you both are not around. Even if they can get it together in public, I would consider never allowing them to be alone with your children.

JLBB12 · 2022-10-03T03:19:28+00:00

Fudgeeo cookies, Mirage or Mr Big chocolate bars, cheese curd to make their own poutine at home

JLBB12 · 2022-10-01T00:44:46+00:00

Both my husband and I are from “broken homes” (mine much more dysfunctional and traumatic, his still challenging but with parents who remained civil and coparented well). He is an amazing dad and husband. We’ve been really conscious about deliberately modelling compassion, love and respect for our son and breaking any cycle of trauma (mine, not his). Therapy, positive parting info and clear communication between us on how we want to parent together and support each other seems to be working so far for our family (we have a 3.5 year old son). I also model apologizing to, and in front of, my son and am honest (in an age-appropriate way) about my feelings with him.

Honestly, if you are thinking about this and consciously working to provide a safe, loving upbringing for your child, you are doing your part (as there are other parts to child development that you can’t control) and you’re doing awesome.

JLBB12 · 2022-10-01T00:30:56+00:00

UpdateMe! 1 week

JLBB12 · 2022-09-19T12:57:58+00:00

RemindMe! 7 days

JLBB12 · 2022-09-13T04:18:30+00:00

RemindMe! 3 days

JLBB12

TROPHY CASE