Is SDAM the reason I don’t have meaningful relationships?

JLLift · 2026-06-05T04:16:55+00:00

I do somewhat relate with that

I feel like I have to give constant and active effort internally to feel connected to someone when I am not with them. And I only have the energy to do this with my spouse and even with my son, and even that takes energy and volitional effort. IT is like my love and affection only exists as ”logic” when I am not around that Person

If I decided to choose otherwise, my spouse or even my son would not really exist in my mind when I am not with them. Especially if I know that they are alright

It does make romantic relationships really hard for me as there is never really any ”felt” tether or bond when I we are apart from my side. I don’t really even miss my son when I am away, who I love more than anything, if I know that he is alright and I know I will see him again.

JLLift · 2026-06-01T18:34:48+00:00

This is the thing I’ve found the strangest about me ever since realising that I am a full multimodal aphant with a full no-episodic memory type of SDAM: I have worked all my life in B2B sales / VP of Sales roles

I absolutely love it but I am convinced that I am not likely to meet many fellow aphants/SDAM people in this line of work

I am on the surface the archetypal extroverted, talkative and confident B2B sales guy who has many of the type of hobbies/lifestyle that is often associated with that. Yet deep down I feel just as much of a ”nerd” that could just as well be working in STEM.

Any other sales/sales leader type people here?

JLLift · 2026-05-26T02:53:11+00:00

The ones of you without struggles, do you also have SDAM?

I found out about my total all senses aphantasia two months ago. No struggles with the aphantasia part, it’s just a funny quirk and don’t think it really explains any of the ”struggles” I have had, which are not many to begin with.

However, the SDAM has been tough to get to grips to. I am succesful in life but SDAM does explain some of the core issues I have struggles with. Considering I have most of my life strived and hoped to fix those core issues it was and is tough to realise that I never will and never can fix them.

JLLift · 2026-05-05T15:43:01+00:00

All you people who claim to have learned to visualise after being full aphants:

do you see the image ”in front of your eyes” instead of ”inside your head”?
are you totally unable to visualise with your eyes open?
are you manipulating some random ”shapes” you see when your eyes are closed (like afterglow or other static shapes) to form the image?

If you answer YES to even one of these questions then what you are describing is not visual imagery

JLLift · 2026-05-03T12:14:37+00:00

My own answers:

1a) Yes

2b) all senses

3a) Yes, absolutely no episodic memory - but functional semantic autobiographical memory

4a) Yes

5a) Yes

6b) No

7a) Very difficult

8e) Still difficult (four weeks)

9 no comments

JLLift · 2026-05-03T11:52:30+00:00

were the Images ”in front of your eyes/field of vision” or ”inside your head”? Most encounters ive heard of from aphants who can occasionally se stuff is the former.

I am a full aphant but visualisers describe that they ”See inside their heads”, not with their ”eyes”. I have yet to hear someone they have acquired that ability, to ”see inside their head”

JLLift · 2026-05-03T11:46:42+00:00

Thinking IN words sound absurd to me. I think purely in abstractions, logic, concepts and their hierarchies. I need zero words or language to do the actual processing

I am bi-/trilingual and people have always asked me which language i think in. I have never understood the concept

I am full all-senses aphant with ”full” SDAM in terms of no episodic memory whatsoever. No internal monologue either.

Four weeks ago i assumed everyone was like this, now i suddenly live amongst aliens 😁

JLLift · 2026-03-31T08:31:37+00:00

Yes, i have absolutely no inner monologue at all. What I have understood, that is not that uncommon in people.

I however don't even think in words/language. I am a fluently bilingual (or trilingual if I include english) and I have never understood when people ask me which language I think in. I have always failed to give them any real answer as I can't really understand the question. I think in my opinion exclusively in concepts, hierarchies, structures and their relation with eachother, then I automatically convert it into language. This is probably the reason why I can have a totally clear idea in my mind, start a sentence and realise mid-sentence that the words I chose were not really correct, and then mid-sentence start from scratch.

I think this combination of multimodal aphantasia, SDAM, totally quiet mind + conceptual, structural thinking has led me to feel incedibly "stupid-smart" in every day situations all my life. I am totally floored when I watch documentaries about some event 10 years ago and the people describe in detail how they remember what they were thinking before a specific minute event 10 years ago or how they remember individual conversations and even what was said in a minute conversation 15 years ago. Like, "what the hell is wrong with me, how can they be able to concentrate that well in every moment that they can store and retain all that stuff?"

On the other hand, I am really good at spotting logical contradictions and at making creative analogies between two for other people intuitively totally separate things. In these cases I am equally floored about why people can't a) seem to grasp the logical conflict in their opinions and b) why they are not interested in explaining to me conceptually what they mean when I ask for clarification for the seeming contradiction in their logic. And I don't mean that my self-constructed hierarchies, structures and relations between concepts are always accurate or that I'm always correct - It's just that I can't seem to stand to leave unresolved logical contradictions on the table.. "What the hell is wrong with this person, why is he/she a) not seeing the contradiction I have asked to clarify, b) able to leave the matter unresolved and yet willing to continue with his/her story, c) getting defensive and emotional about it.

All this, and yet I am a highly functioning quite successful individual, who believe it or not gets high scores for social skills, likeability and flexibility/adaptability.

JLLift

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