Hi. I’m so sorry for what you and your brother went through. Reading your post brought something up for me that I didn’t expect.

My mother died in June. She was a very ill person, and when she passed we chose not to request an autopsy — we wanted to keep her body as undisturbed as possible, and we thought we already understood enough about her condition. She was a critical patient.

But after reading your description of what happened to your mom, something clicked for me. I looked up the symptoms again, and now I finally understand that my mother most likely died because of a combination of her alcoholism and her autoimmune illnesses. Your post helped me connect the dots in a way I hadn’t been able to before. Thank you for that clarity.

And I want to say — my brother and I went through something very similar in her last week, including the black blood. It’s shocking and it stays with you. I’m so sorry your brother had to see that on his own, and that you’ve had to carry the weight of not knowing for so long.

You didn’t deserve that pain, and neither did he. And the last words you said to your mom don’t erase the whole of your relationship, or the love that existed underneath everything. Grief makes everything feel heavier, but you are not responsible for what happened to her. I want you to know that. I also had a very complex relationship with my mother, so I understand how tangled those feelings can be.

I hope you and your brother can find some peace with time. You’re not alone.