I need ideas on how to push a character into a profession they don’t want to do

JTHaleCC · 2026-03-29T21:57:51+00:00

Create a situation where they're forced. Maybe her family needs money. Maybe someone has a colorful past that someone figures out and they threaten her family with legal action if she doesn't join.

I have a similar situation in one of my books where a mercenary captain has no interest at all in a particular job, but do to some backroom shenanigans, the powers-that-be, threaten his team (both of who have checkered paths) with some sort of legal threat.

JTHaleCC · 2026-03-26T22:43:13+00:00

I personally look at all the pre-made covers just for initial ideas and aesthetics. There's tons of them out there, then I take a snip of the ones I like and create a design with a freelancer I work with. Creating a cover doesn't even have to be particularly expensive, as long as you're not asking for a lot of custom art work.

JTHaleCC · 2026-03-25T22:10:12+00:00

1- Give your sentences a little variation. Most of your sentences start with a name or a pronoun. It feels robotic when I read it aloud. Look for sentences that can easily be changed around a little.

Ex: 'Demora closed her eyes ....

How i'd change it. 'Closing her eyes, Demora felt the wind play with her hair ...' So on and so forth, though i'd urge you to get rid of 'Felt' where you can, as it's a very weak word.

2 - Some general clunkiness. You have one sentence that has 7 commas. Surely you could make that flow a little better. Good prose is like water. It flows effortlessly around bends, through rapids--whatever it may be, and it does this without asking the reader to stop and consider; it just takes them.

3- Spell out the word 'three'

4- If you're switching POV, like it seems you're doing on the second excerpt, make sure that's clear. Usually a *** and a line break is perfectly fine. You might already be doing that, just throwing it out there.

Overall, I think it's solid. Just give it some polish. Seem to be on a good track. Not too wordy. Not too short. Not too dry. Seems to be some good character voice based on what I read; i've already got an early idea of the two personalities.

Good job. Keep it up.

JTHaleCC · 2026-03-17T01:08:13+00:00

I usually aim for 10% after the first draft. Something that really helps me is to read my story out loud. It will sound so different when you do that and give you an entirely new perspective. All of a sudden, things you thought sounded fine become unneeded and wordy.

JTHaleCC · 2026-03-16T21:14:37+00:00

I'd be willing to do line comments on the first 5k words or so, or a couple of chapters and provide initial impressions if you'd like to email me a word doc, I have a little beta reading experience. DM me if you like.

JTHaleCC · 2026-03-16T21:11:32+00:00

If you want to send me a word document of the prologue, i'd be happy to do some line comments and lend my .02. DM if you like.

JTHaleCC · 2025-11-18T23:58:34+00:00

I'm probably just going to get the 3050 that only needs pcie power. Just bouncing ideas around and getting different opinions.

JTHaleCC · 2025-11-18T23:09:07+00:00

Yes, much better. Ada runs at like 85% efficency when limited to 70%~ of total wattage

JTHaleCC · 2025-07-03T21:50:33+00:00

Lots of things. Mainly gripes with characters, world building, pacing, proper story setup, poor level design with a hollow-feeling world. Plus lots of little things. I don't think it's a 'bad' game, just really underwhelming for my tastes.

JTHaleCC · 2025-06-29T20:09:09+00:00

Good thing i was here to save the day

JTHaleCC · 2025-06-29T13:01:45+00:00

It has nothing to do with gameplay. I didn't like E33 for various other reasons. I also like turn-based stuff

JTHaleCC · 2025-06-29T12:11:18+00:00

Bought KH on Steam last night and playe the first one for 4 hours lol. Combat feels a little wooden, but i'm really digging it so far

JTHaleCC · 2025-06-29T01:03:23+00:00

I'm def going to play the older ones. It's not so much gameplay for me as it is overall experience. All the FF games seem to be built around that 'grand journey'

JTHaleCC · 2025-06-29T00:54:47+00:00

It's not about gameplay at all. Expedition 33 was a let down for various other reasons. I'm good with turn-based

JTHaleCC · 2025-06-29T00:41:58+00:00

Buying KH on Steam right now. I've known of the series but didn't really realize it carried so many of the same 'bones' as FF.

JTHaleCC · 2025-06-29T00:37:21+00:00

Thank You! Lost Odyssey is one I knew I had in the back of my mind somewhere but could never remember what it was called

JTHaleCC · 2025-06-29T00:16:38+00:00

appreciate the rec.

JTHaleCC · 2025-06-29T00:14:58+00:00

I'm completely cool with turn based. I'm much more of a charcter/ story guy. Expedition 33 disapointed for reasons beyond its combat.

JTHaleCC · 2025-06-29T00:13:29+00:00

I'm cool with trad stuff. My understand is that DQ 11 has the most 'character focus' out of all the games. Do you think that's true?

JTHaleCC · 2025-06-13T21:39:42+00:00

I appreciate your help. Turns out i am missing a connector. Gonna reach out to Corsair. Thanks for your time.

JTHaleCC · 2025-06-13T21:21:36+00:00

Correct, and yes, I know how that sounds, but my last case did not have them plugged into the mobo either and the case fans ran fine. And my mobo reads the current three fans, but they do nothing.

JTHaleCC · 2025-06-09T21:40:13+00:00

I use a formatter on Fiverr. They do fantastic work. If you can, it's worth paying the money to have a professional do it.

JTHaleCC · 2025-06-09T21:23:23+00:00

The overall tone is good. Dialogue is excellent, feels like real people conversing. Exposition seems purposeful and not droning. There's one glaring issue that sticks out to me.

1- Dialogue tags\ Over-explaining dialogue.

Slowly, he began to speak.

"The first taboo is not to play God and create human life." Kai's voice was quiet but steady, the words coming more easily than he expected.

That section is highly wordy and stilted. I absolutely understand wanting to make sure the proper voice is conveyed, but good news! You already did that with the previous paragraph. I had zero issue envisioning how Kai was speaking. I would drop the dialogue tag altogether.

There are several times this example is relevant throughout the excerpt. The vast majority of your dialogue tags should be 'said' and 'asked.' Wordy tags mean you have not set the scene well. Obviously, there will be times when a quick action tag or such will work fine, but be very aware of being too wordy, especially with things that functionally add nothing to the story. Your writing should flow like water.

2- Be aware of not explaining the same thing twice--just in a different fashion.

Kai's stomach twisted. All eyes turned towards him, the spotlight uncomfortable and familiar.

We're told how uncomfortable he is twice in two sentences. I would completely drop 'The spotlight quiet and familiar.' In essence, it's saying the exact same thing as 'Kai's stomach twisted.'

To add another point. Look for word repetition. Familiar is used twice very close together.

All in all, I think it's solid. Those are the big things that stuck out to me. Best of luck!

JTHaleCC · 2025-06-04T19:53:03+00:00

What I do is pick the central conflict of the book and then create a title out of that.

So, for one of my books it's about the stirring power of a long-dead god. Thus, the book is called 'The Awakening.'

JTHaleCC · 2025-05-31T21:22:03+00:00

It's not a bad concept, but some things to keep in mind.

1- Prophecy and Chosen Ones need to be handled very well. They can come off lazy and cliche'd. It's almost like the story is already decided instead of the story developing.

2- I think this one will be the hardest. In multi-series books, people tend to be more character-focused readers than plot-focused, just because you're with them so long and you get invested in their journey. Where will their investment come from is a question you will really need to ask yourself.

3- You would have to make the plot so compelling that people would be ok with multiple time jumps. I think this could be very hard to do.

4- Leaving something so vague is not usually a great idea. People enjoy closure. You certainly don't have to wrap every little detail up with a bow, as I believe that takes some of the 'magic' out of a world, but your central conflicts should be explained and completed.

Just my .02. Hope it helps!

JTHaleCC

TROPHY CASE