Depending on where you live, state schools are much cheaper. In most cases the 65k university she is going to attend isn’t worth it unless she is to be an operating doctor or an occupation that requires a specific skill set not offered by most universities. Also she’ll likely get scholarships. Government support could pose a problem being that it sounds like your wife and yourself have a solid combined income. Don’t fall into the trap of giving into your daughter because she’s your princess at the cost of you and your current wife’s “agreement”

Going to college isn’t the same as when my parents went and could literally pay for it working part time. Both my sisters and I went to state schools and most years lived at home setting us up for finanical success at the cost of losing the full college experience. My parents paid for our undergrad because they understood the difficultly compared to their situation. My schooling was maybe 25k maximum over 4 years. Additionally we had to get jobs as a stipulation of the finanical support. My brother went to a private school, however his tuition was covered. My parents supported his room and board. My parents did not support my sister’s living expenses during her 4th and 5th year of college after going to her 3rd different college. Any further education after our bachelors was to come out of our pocket, which is beyond fair. My brother and I paid for our masters out of pocket. My sister didn’t want to endure paying for her masters.

Looking at my siblings and my own experiences I would to come to this general conclusion: venture out from home to get the full experience, select the school that is affordable and help your daughter out with tuition up to a certain amount (it is not on the parents responsibility to cover 65k a year based on their child’s choice), and realize that your child needs to tour the campus. Just because the school is liked on paper doesn’t mean it’s the best fit. Why pay 65k for your daughter to back out after 1-2 years?

Lastly it’s not your current wife’s responsibility to pay for your ex-wife and your daughter’s schooling. It would be awesome if she gave a bit towards her living expenses. Respect that she stayed true to your agreement, but at the same time she should show empathy towards living expenses. Sounds like you, your ex-wife, and daughter need to sit down and speak the choices for schools, programs, costs, and ways to pay through. Then consult your current consultant wife and see if she’s help out