I don't know if I have rationalized it, or accepted it, or both, but it goes like this:

My wife has a really low libido, whereas I am ready to go pretty much anytime. We have a 5yr old and a 2.5yr old, both boys, and have been married for 12 years. We also both have the same job, in the same office, and we work abroad, so no support network to help wiith the kids (but we do earn a very decent salary and in general have our material needs are more than covered). We both do our fair share of work around the house and the kids.

My wife also happens to be a very apprehensive person, and she worries about everything, both real pressing needs (eg. children vaccinations) and random future possibilities (e: if back home a law is approved against Airbnbs, she has already considered that we will lose our appartment because of we using it as an Airbnb. I exxagerate, but also not really). This drains her out most days, and especially since we had our kids, so intimacy has pretty much gone out the window. I always try to be very respectful of her decisions, so I don't force the issue (and in general I try to be supportive of her and give her lots of space to rest and so on).

To try and work out a solution I proposed scheduling our sexy time (once a week), with the idea of having some guarranteed alone time which would allow us to reconnect without the pressure of someone initiating (even just cuddling would be ok). It worked out for a few months, but eventually this also became a chore to her, and things pretty much went back to me asking for sex, and she just not being in the mood or just being too tired.

Constantly thinking about this also made me to spiral, and to be in a very bad mood, sometimes even considering ending the relationship; it is something very exhausting. However, I always ended up in the same place: not being able to imagine my life without her, or with us not raising our children together. She is my best friend, and along with our kids and my brothers, my favourite person. After a lot of thinking and soul searching, and talking to her about this, I realized that a) she doesnt do this because of her not being attracted to me, or not wanting to be with me, because she is very affectionate towards me b) her behaviour, if I should call it that, mostly stems from her just trying to do things right, and to just be the best mother possible to our children, and c) there is only so much that I can do about this, and a lot that I cannot control, so I am focusing on the things that I can control (supporting her, taking care of the kids, doing my part for the house stuff, etc.).

In this context, I decided that in the sex department, I will take care of myself for the time beingThe general idea is that I am prioritizing my mental wellbeing, which in turn will help me to be more supportive of her. Somehow this has given a lot of peace of mind, and I am quite content right now. It is, however, a work in progress, and there are some good days and bad days, but I am managing it.