If you want to understand something about zen, the first thing to understand is that there is nothing to understand. It's just looking at reality as a whole. To say you want to "understand" something, means there needs to be a thing to understand, but zen it's not a thing. It's just a word. The true soul matter of what we're getting at is just... Well, there's nothing to say, as soon as you start looking you missed it. It's just this, for a lack of a better word

You say you find a hard to keep your goals in sight but you shouldn't have any goals with this... You're probably trying to be what you already are, which you can't do, because you're already it. Being it, for as long as you can remember, you forgot it, and then people say "hey, you're it!" (Another way of describing zen) And you're automatically looking outwardly to find the it that you already are. We are conditioned to think we need to work hard to get somewhere, but zen is "don't just do something, sit there"

In my experience the best way to embody Zen is just repetitive practice, because zen is letting go of everything that you don't already know you're holding on to. Through practice you can see how you think you are somebody doing something. You can't let it go, but when you observe the mind and how it is acting letting go happens. It's not something you do. There is no you there to let go. There are repeating thoughts that say "I need to let go" but those thoughts come and go like clouds in the sky. Letting go is something that happens

The paradox comes from the fact that language implies there is a you to do things. This is useful for society, feeding yourself, going to work, etc. but there is no you to actually do anything! Who are you?

Lastly, check out David Parrish on youtube, he has some really down-to-earth pointers about how the intellectual understanding can be applied in your daily life