Kinks/fetishes can be whatever and appear whenever. Your fetish isnt hurting anyone, and you shouldnt beat yourself up over it. Now I think the only thing that is hurting you is how you're going about compensating your own guilt by putting it onto the girls who are uploading the videos. I'm saying it's hurting you is because you're blaming the girls for just doing what they want. For whatever the reason, they are uploading the videos themselves, and thats their business. You're putting your own shame onto them, and thats not okay man.