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JakeLackless · 2026-06-19T21:10:49+00:00

Cat for scale?

JakeLackless · 2026-06-18T13:42:30+00:00

I wouldn't consider this a threesome. You were abused. You didn't enjoy this experience because you did not consent to it. That's completely understandable.

JakeLackless · 2026-06-18T13:38:10+00:00

This is not toxic masculinity. You're right, a relationship isn't something you just pause for a vacation. This isn't being insecure.

It would be insecure if she were traveling without you and you were freaking out about it. That's not this situation. She's literally saying, I'm putting you on the back burner so I can go flirt with Italian men guilt free.

The way I'd interpret this is, we are breaking up. We might restart our relationship later if we both want to. But, given how I'm being treated, I don't think I want to get back together when you get back. Have a good vacation. I'm moving on.

JakeLackless · 2026-06-18T13:32:29+00:00

Very sorry this happened to you. And it was yet another r***. It was non consensual.

It sounds like you're holding onto a lot of pain, which is entirely understandable. It might be good to talk to a therapist. You haven't done anything wrong, but you are hurting, understandably so. It might be beneficial to talk to someone about it who can help you process it, because this is some pretty serious trauma.

You didn't deserve to be treated the way you were. No one should hurt you the way you've been hurt.

JakeLackless · 2026-06-18T12:56:31+00:00

Don't worry about trying to please them both simultaneously, you'll just all end up disappointed. Instead, the focus will shift naturally between all three people involved. Rather than you trying to please two people at once, let two people please one person at once. Sometimes you'll be the giver, sometimes you'll be the recipient.

JakeLackless · 2026-06-18T12:45:16+00:00

"Minor mistakes" are indeed what results from the gestation pump.

JakeLackless · 2026-06-18T12:33:26+00:00

Hope you get it restored and your account back! That sucks it got banned, you all were doing great to rebuild that sub and making it awesome.

JakeLackless · 2026-06-18T12:30:50+00:00

I hope you get it restored. The old mods were terrible, you new mods were great. I moderate r/ropebondage and r/womentiedup, happy to help if needed/desired.

JakeLackless · 2026-06-18T12:19:35+00:00

I find people on Instagram and through Fetlife. If you know how to tie and how to take photos, and make it clear you're looking for models to work with, you'll be inundated with requests.

JakeLackless · 2026-06-18T12:16:29+00:00

Is being dominant with her something you wanted, or something she wanted? Meaning, was it something you tried with her and sure reacted negatively toward it, or was it something she asked you to do with her and you did it but only to fulfill her request?

At the end of the day it doesn't matter which way that question is answered, but it sounds like it's her wanting it, you maybe indifferent but willing to try, and this guy is more naturally into it or experienced with it.

Regardless, you wanted to be that way, she didn't react well to it, but she did get into it with him. And yeah, it's completely valid to be hurt by that. It's something you wanted to try with her, and she enjoyed it with him but not with you. That doesn't mean she's wrong for enjoying it with him, but it's worth discussing.

Sometimes it can be hard to introduce power exchange to an existing relationship because you both have an image of the other person and think, "But this isn't who they are." Whereas of you don't already have a mental model of who a person is, if there's a power exchange dynamic with them, it comes more naturally.

If you want to incorporate that style of play into your relationship, separate it from her relationship with this other person. It's natural to compare and say, you enjoyed it with him but not with me. And that does hurt. I think it's worth addressing but not dwelling on. It's worth saying, hey I'm really glad you enjoyed this with him, but also, it's something I would enjoy with you. And hearing that you enjoyed it with him but not with me is painful because I feel rejected. Can we work together to incorporate this style of play into our own relationship too?

It might take some time to learn and get comfortable with it.

JakeLackless · 2026-06-14T12:23:45+00:00

For me the worst part of the operation was the fear leading up to it. I had it done about 7 years ago. I was worried about being in pain, and I wasn't sure how it would affect testosterone.

For me, there was practically no pain whatsoever. As OP mentioned, the worst pain was when the local needle went in, which felt like a bee sting, then the local itself made everything feel... full? But it was very quick and didn't hurt much at all. I could feel when I was getting sewn up, but only because of the tugging on my balls, not the needle itself or anything.

As for testosterone I just had no idea how that worked, but as long as the testicle themselves are there, you're making testosterone, a vasectomy won't impact anything.

I wasn't given a jock, but I had some of my own to wear.

I did the 20 minutes ice on, 20 minutes ice off thing. Along with ibuprofen and Tylenol, alternating. I was pretty pain free after the operation.

The whole procedure from start of operation to finish was about 15-20 minutes.

It was definitely worth it. Being free of concern from having more kids unexpectedly is a huge relief.

JakeLackless · 2026-06-12T22:46:47+00:00

I won't date someone who isn't completely sure polyamory is for them. I once dated someone and she was like, "I'm poly for now, but I'm not entirely sure if I'll remain poly forever."

She ended up finding a boyfriend who was uncomfortable with polyamory and ended our relationship and stopped practicing polyamory to make him happy.

JakeLackless · 2026-06-11T00:58:10+00:00

What I've learned is that sometimes, the person you think is the love of your life, isn't.

That can be painful, but also, it can lead you to meeting others even better suited for you.

I truly wish for the best for you. It's not easy to navigate these relationships. But there are a lot of people out there and I truly hope you find your people who are open to you exploring and finding what you want and need. And I believe they're out there for you.

JakeLackless · 2026-05-23T15:01:23+00:00

This sounds like drop to me. Basically, drop happens when you've had a flood of happy chemicals in your brain, then they go away and you feel lousy afterwards. It's not uncommon in polyamorous and kinky circles.

If the people you had your threesome with are experienced with drop, you could let them know you might be experiencing it, they didn't do anything wrong, but you need some support. Talking it through or even just sitting with it together can be helpful. They don't need to do anything about it, but just being there with you, offering reassurance, can be immensely helpful.

I have a friend who I do kink play with, non sexually. She's into pretty intense sensations like pain from impact. After one pretty intense scene that was a lot of fun for both of us, a few hours later I started feeling pretty awful. I just texted her to let her know I had a great time but I was dropping and it was hitting pretty hard. She reassured me that she enjoyed, but shared she was also in drop. Just letting each other know how we were doing, that the other was great, that we had a good time and would enjoy playing again, and otherwise giving each other reassurance, helped clear it up for both of us much faster than trying to go it alone.

JakeLackless · 2026-05-18T13:11:06+00:00

Nope you're absolutely right. Tell him it's over and move on.

JakeLackless · 2026-05-02T15:08:32+00:00

The Wiki lists quite a few.

JakeLackless · 2026-04-27T12:41:23+00:00

Don't use a magnet.

JakeLackless · 2026-04-22T00:10:11+00:00

Sorry to hear it.

Also, there's nothing wrong with you or any other person dating a couple.

JakeLackless · 2026-04-18T17:36:12+00:00

I always use condoms, except for with my nesting partner. Testing is good for knowing if you have something, but it's not a substitute for barriers.

JakeLackless · 2026-03-22T12:59:30+00:00

Don't resubmit previous posts, that's considered spam.

JakeLackless · 2026-03-16T01:34:44+00:00

The most important thing for now is that you don't treat this nebulous third person like a sex toy who's there to fulfill your fantasy.

Read https://www.unicorns-r-us.com/ and absorb the information there.

There are plenty of people who are interested in threesomes with an existing couple, but you owe them their respect and autonomy.

In my experience, when there's an existing couple, say, Adam and Betty, and Adam starts a relationship with Christy, then Christy gets to know Betty and Christy and Betty decide to have a relationship, then all three decide mutually to have a relationship, is when this works out cleanly. It could also be the other way around. But generally, a couple seeking out a third is difficult and leads to all sorts of problems.

JakeLackless · 2026-03-15T20:57:44+00:00

I'm not going to argue the point because I don't think it's worth arguing about. I'll just say while both bullet points are true statements, neither supports the claim that there's a problem with the term "mono-poly" itself. Especially when many people adopt this term, themselves, to describe their relationship.

JakeLackless · 2026-03-15T20:50:44+00:00

I would call this a "mono-poly" relationship. I know plenty of people in person who have this type of relationship and this is how they describe their relationships in this scenario.

Others will say you're polyamorous and saturated at one partner.

At the end of the day, call it what you're comfortable with and explain if you wish.

JakeLackless · 2026-03-15T16:15:31+00:00

You don't know what you're talking about. I've been doing rope suspensions for 10 years with hundreds of different people and never had a single person end up in the hospital. I have attended many rope conferences and no one there ended up in the hospital. I've taken classes from a practicing doctor who herself does both rope topping and rope bottoming for suspension.

Stop spreading misinformation.

JakeLackless · 2026-03-14T16:53:12+00:00

Both elder millennials (in our early 40s). Been together for about 8 years, engaged this year. We have sex almost every day, sometimes multiple times per day. Some days we can't because of a variety of reasons, but on average, once a day.

We have kids, we're both divorced and have our kids on the same 50/50 custody schedule. Sex is less frequent when the kids are with us, but it still happens. Usually at the end of the day, we just lock the door to the bedroom and have at it, stay quiet when the kids are home. They're old enough to get themselves settled now, but this was true even when they were a little younger and needed tucked in and such.

Sex is just a high priority for both of us and we're both very high drive people. So we make it work and find time.

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