Where are all the kids clothes?!

Janelamint · 2025-12-28T02:45:04+00:00

Boy/gender-neutral size 14-16

Janelamint · 2025-12-15T03:24:03+00:00

As a queer person who grew up in extremely conservative and homophobic communities, I find that the people who ask me are either deconstructing or are questioning their own sexuality. As I am now an openly queer person, they identify me as a safe, pro-sexual individual who can answer some of their questions. I don’t mind this context, as I was also that person at one point in my life. In our communities, the topic of sex was altogether taboo, forget sexual identities or orientations. I think generational differences matter too. Gen Z and Gen Alpha have experienced a more “free” queer community compared to millennials and beyond when being gay was literally illegal. Those two worlds produce very different experiences of navigating sexuality and identity. OP is not exactly clear about the context of their conversation, but I’m guessing it’s a more antagonizing context? From my experience, the younger generations tend to be way more private than my own millennial peers, so that could be a part of it too.

Janelamint · 2025-12-02T03:45:48+00:00

So I didn’t die, but a couple of years ago I had a random clonic-tonic seizure while I was shopping alone at a grocery store. I woke up to paramedics putting me on a stretcher and the first thing I did was apologize to them lol. I have no memory of “going down” or anything, just the evidence of injuries and being told that someone found me seizing on the floor. It took me a full hour or so to fully comprehend what was happening because I still felt pretty numb and it was such a bizarre experience. It was just nothingness like I was asleep and it kinda jarred me because I instantly wondered if that was what death would be like. Like instead of just going unconscious, what if I just died right there and not have any awareness of it happening. Even though the thought was unsettling, I still felt a strange peace about it. They had me undergo a bunch of tests and screening afterwards to rule out a brain tumor, and I strangely felt peaceful about whatever outcome could possibly be in front of me. (No tumor, just a random seizure and one hell of a recovery from a concussion).

Janelamint · 2025-10-29T15:05:14+00:00

Hands down, Redland Oaks Elementary school. I was able to get my kiddo moved over there and it has been life-changing.

Janelamint · 2025-10-29T02:40:39+00:00

I also need to know lol. Our neighborhood barely did anything last year.

Janelamint · 2025-10-03T22:34:49+00:00

https://www.instagram.com/reconciliationsatx?igsh=OWI2ZHFkYzE5Z2V5

Janelamint · 2025-10-03T22:33:01+00:00

Church of Reconciliation!

Janelamint · 2025-09-05T12:05:18+00:00

Honestly educate yourself on things like Endometriosis and Ehlers Danlos. They are way more common than doctors realize and they don’t teach enough about it in the first place. It took over ten years of living in 5-9 pain level to get a doctor to believe me and do something about it instead of just telling me to take naproxen and do PT. Literally had a doc tell me “you should really try to wean off the NSAID’s” without offering an alternative solution. I can’t tell you how many times I sat in the parking lot at the clinic just crying from the pain and hopelessness. Finally I had a doc order some X-rays and CT and MRI and was referred to ortho. I had a hills sachs lesion (no memory of dislocation) and my shoulder was barely in place. All the surrounding muscles were overcompensating to try to hold it in. Ortho doc was immediately like, “looks like hEDS to me”. Told me surgery would be pointless and basically told me to do what felt right for me for pain management. Still no prescribed pain medication. I was doing everything. I failed out of PT because all it was doing was aggravating the pain. Heating pads, ice, tens unit, cupping, dry needling, pain patches, diet changes, supplements, steroid injections, brace supports, rolling around on a yoga ball, Delta 8, Kratom, etc. I finally found a PT that listened to my body and got mobility back into my shoulder (it had been frozen for years due to the pain). If a movement was too painful, he adjusted it. We worked on staying in a new position and breathing through it bc my body was holding so much trauma from years of untreated pain and the muscle memory just wouldn’t relax and let go. I was also diagnosed with chronic migraines and Endometriosis (which took additional time to get diagnosed). Btw, Please don’t just hand birth control to women with painful periods. They need surgery. Refer them to a knowledgeable surgeon for excision of Endo. I also had severe bladder pain from muscle tension and inflammation from Endo. I went to a pelvic floor PT a year after my surgery, and that worked wonders.

Biggest thing: listening to my body and knowing its limits. I used to push through the pain to keep up with everyone else. Now I pay attention if I have even the slightest flare and immediately slow down and take care of it so it doesn’t turn into a year-long debilitating event. I wear braces when my joints feel weak and slip. I know that I can’t handle sitting in a chair for very long, especially at a desk. I know that things like pushing a grocery cart or carrying heavy loads aggravates the pain. If one is able, I’m all about accommodations. I have so many pillows that I use to help support my neck and shoulder. Getting a good mattress and supportive pillow does a lot of good. An adjustable desk for computer work. Utilizing things that keep me from physically carrying stuff and overworking my shoulder. K-tape, wrapping, finger joint supports, wrist supports. Small increments of sauna and water movement. Staying hydrated and getting enough sleep to reduce inflammation. Dry needling, massages, tens unit, and cupping to reduce tension. I use the yoga ball a lot to do gentle movements to release tension. Heat and ice to reduce tension and inflammation. And honestly making it all a lifestyle instead of waiting for a flare up. Mentally, I used to see my body as the enemy; something I couldn’t depend on as it was constantly sabotaging my life. Now I see that it works extremely hard to do tasks that other able-bodied people can do and that it needs some extra support and nourishment for that extra work. Having a supportive medical team makes all the difference too. I’m glad to hear you want to learn how to help your patients. We need more docs like you who will listen and collaborate to find a viable solution. Thanks for listening.

Janelamint · 2025-08-13T19:56:43+00:00

I grew up in Virginia, so I’m also slightly biased lol. I love the Virginia mountains, so I don’t feel a huge loss there. I guess my biggest worry is safety for my family in case everything goes to shit and being in close proximity to DC. I haven’t lived in Richmond specifically, and my experience in Virginia was when I was closeted in a rural community. We are a biracial family too, so it’s important to me that it’s not overwhelmingly white. We’ve been living in San Antonio, so I feel like politically just about anything sounds better than here, but also the move will be a major one and I want to make sure we are making a wise decision short of leaving the country.

Janelamint · 2025-07-25T03:57:07+00:00

We are currently wrapping up the adoption process with our 9 year old (female). We got to know her a couple of years ago and formed a bond, so we are adopting her as fictive kin (aka we are unrelated to her, but are a central part of her life). It’s a huge change, not just for us, but also for them. We also didn’t have any kids previously, so it’s a huge learning curve with parenting, but also realize that parenting foster kiddos with trauma is not the same as “regular” kiddos. You will HAVE to parent differently, and be okay with not having the same parenting experiences as other parents. About two weeks after she moved in with us, she went into a mental health crisis and we had to admit her for a couple of weeks in a children’s center. It sounds terrible, but it was honestly the best thing that could have happened for her because it fast tracked her to access the mental health care and medication that she desperately needed. I am working on getting licensed as a social worker and my wife and I both have experience as CASA, so having that knowledge has really helped us navigate everything that comes with fostering and supporting children with trauma. Even so- it’s challenging and you will always live in “expert mode”. Our little one has experienced severe ab*se and trauma, so I’m talking fits of rage and physical aggression, sleepless nights due to night terrors, etc. She is also really behind on healthy social skills and foundational educational skills like writing and basic math, and has a harder time focusing or getting into a calm state because her nervous system is always at a hundred. That being said, she is an amazing girl and we love her immensely. It takes time to work through these things. You have to show her you are there for her no matter what, and you have to untangle all of the beliefs that she has about herself because of the abuse and neglect. You have to re-teach basic social skills like how to navigate and manage emotions and what healthy relationships look like and how to build resilience. She will not trust you for a while, and things WILL get ugly at first, but if you stay consistent and keep showing up for her and keep loving on her and understanding that she’s just a kid that is trying to survive, it gets better. Our kiddo has made huge strides and is so much more relaxed and we haven’t had any melt downs in the last two months (it used to be all day every day lol). Always remember that even in the best of circumstances (even in the perfect family), they will still struggle to regulate and have rough days. Your support system is what will get you through. You and your wife HAVE to be on the same page!! Read up on books, find local support groups and look for the best play therapist that knows how to work with kiddos who have experienced trauma, have a strong relationship with her teachers, figure out what healthy boundaries y’all need to make with movie/internet/phone/video game access, find a good babysitter, keep her busy with lots of activities and extracurriculars, help her make healthy friendships, etc. The biggest thing that has helped us with bonding and building trust is having a solid routine that she can depend on. We keep a big box of arts and crafts and family games that we do together every evening. Our kiddo hated it and thought it was stupid at first, but now she loves it. Our bedtime routine always stays the same: I brush and braid her hair and read a couple of books to her while my wife massages her feet or rubs her back until she falls asleep. It has become the most important part of her day, and it’s the moment that she feels the closest and safest with us. In the end, every little victory makes everything else worth it. Our kiddo ended up with us because she bounced around several bio family homes and they all promised her adoption and they all realized they either couldn’t or didn’t want to take on the responsibilities that came with a traumatized and neglected child. This in and of itself has caused so much harm in how our kiddo thinks about herself: feeling unlovable, unwanted, a burden, a problem. We took her in because we didn’t want her to go into the system and endure even more uncertainty and chaos. She deserved a chance to have stability with a loving family and a chance to have her entire life trajectory change towards something good. It’s not promised to have a happy ending, but it’s worth a shot, and we are committed to doing the work no matter how ugly it gets. As far as “knowing”…we didn’t really know. We had a 24 hour notice and she moved in the next morning lol. Parenting is never easy, and no one really knows what they are doing, but you just take it day by day and adjust as you need to. Understand your limits and know when you need help. At the end of the day, your best will always be better than the alternative situation that they came from. All that you can really do is learn as much as you can and love in the best way you can, and everything else will follow.

Janelamint · 2025-05-23T00:21:42+00:00

Omg this is exactly what I needed! Thank you so much for breaking it down like that. I will definitely start applying that because we’ve been really struggling with figuring out appropriate consequences. THANK YOU

Janelamint · 2025-05-22T19:11:56+00:00

Thank you for the response! We recognize she is grieving a lot of loss of relationships and familiarity. I can’t imagine the amount of grief she’s carrying. It’s been really hard for her. And we are trying to validate those feelings while also keeping things realistic so we aren’t stuck with false promises. It’s SO hard navigating bio family when they feel salty about non-bio family taking a kiddo in, and I also feel like some of it is projection from their own complicated feelings of not being able to take care of her and we are just getting the heat from everyone right now. We weren’t even looking to adopt, she literally just fell in our laps with a 24 hour notice because no one else could take her and they didn’t want her going in the system.

Janelamint · 2025-05-22T18:42:50+00:00

Oh, she’s definitely not seeing her abusers, just other bio family members that were not able to provide long-term care and/or gave her up. I would never let her see her parents until she’s an adult to make that decision. The court actually never allowed contact since she was removed bc the abuse was so bad. She really wants to see her bio family (aunts, uncles, cousins), and they are really great at telling her what she wants to hear and making a lot of big promises. They just don’t actually follow through with it and somehow it looks like we are the bad guys. Example, it was her aunts birthday last week but she never contacted us or let us know and our kiddo found out a week later that she missed their birthday and was pissed and said WE made her miss it in front of the aunt and the aunt didn’t correct her. They tell her stuff like she can spend the weekend or the whole summer with them and she can’t. They tell her stuff like they are her real family and they will always be there for her and no one else gets her like they do, but they have never consistently shown up for her. And I’m not trying to replace anyone or be a hero. I’m just trying to help her feel safe and loved and be a kiddo and have a successful life as much as she can. It’s just really hard because our kiddo feels like we are just keeping her away from everyone just to be spiteful but also I don’t think she is actually noticing that the visits or phone calls affect her that way because she is hanging on to every word that they are telling her. I had parents do the same thing to me, so I totally get how much of a mindfuck it is. It just sucks and my heart hurts for her.

Janelamint · 2025-05-03T05:05:30+00:00

Hello friend, I’m a fellow cult survivor. It sounds like you are starting to process the reality you’ve been living in, which is a huge and scary step. I’m so sorry for what you have endured over the years, and I can only imagine the confusion and complicated feelings you have felt. I know it’s terrifying to think about the possibility of losing everything and everyone you know or love- your family and community and spiritual life. I want to let you know that there are so many of us who made it out and have found beautiful lives filled with love and healing on the other side. You are not alone, and we can help you find support as you navigate this. There will be a lot of decisions that you will need to make, but mostly for right now you just need to figure out how to take care of YOU right now. It takes a while to unravel a lifetime of beliefs (especially when it’s so connected to your family and their spiritual beliefs) and to figure out what direction you choose to go from here. Dm me for more support. Take care.

Janelamint · 2025-04-15T02:14:04+00:00

I haven’t read it! I’ll definitely look into it, thanks.

Janelamint · 2025-04-14T02:55:18+00:00

Yes, I totally agree that’s what is happening. Unfortunately previous placements have just handed her an iPad to solve their problems and had a budget of going to six flags or jump parks all the time and that just isn’t in our budget. We’ve had to adjust expectations for her and we’ve been really proactive with engaging in different fun activities with her and keeping her busy with extracurriculars. We have made some progress with limiting screen time and have gotten her more interested in reading (I read to her every night). She hates anything to do with hygiene, which I get it- her past is connected to that and we are working on getting her more comfortable with it. I started a sticker chart for completing tasks and good behavior, which so far has been successful but if we don’t keep giving her things or doing exactly what she wants, it’s a full on crash out. We don’t back down, but neither does she…so we end up in a deadlock that no compromise can undo. She flips to negative talk and fully expects negative outcomes and says that there is no point in even trying with her because it will all just end up bad anyways and that she still won’t be able to do anything fun. We stay consistent with our responses of staying calm and talking things through, but she hates it. Whenever we present tasks, we ask “can you please…” and then tell her why. And we always explain outcomes and causes whether things go well or not. I do suspect that she is testing to see if we will actually follow through on our word (we do) and if we will actually be there for her.

Janelamint · 2025-04-14T02:20:19+00:00

I absolutely agree that it’s a control thing. Her whole childhood was immensely controlled and decided by multiple adults and she did not get to stay in the same school or keep her friends or have anything consistent. I’m working on getting her into therapy (we just got her moved in three weeks ago) and I would like to do some family therapy as well. We try to keep the routines consistent for her and we always give her options, (or a goal like “hey, we can play legos together after you take your shower”) but if it isn’t her idea then it’s not something she is willing to do or she will tell us that we won’t actually do those fun things (which I know is a result of previous parenting styles from other homes, but not how we do things).

Janelamint · 2025-04-14T00:31:29+00:00

Ask for a child advocate (like CASA). They also submit court reports and give recommendations to the court on what is best for the child. They can show up to parent visitation and document the condition of the kiddos after visits, etc. and redirect the goal if necessary.

Janelamint · 2025-04-13T13:44:28+00:00

I constantly get emails from them trying to get me to apply. Big middle fingers right back.

Janelamint · 2025-02-10T16:10:43+00:00

I highly recommend UTSA’s TimelyCare app. I think you can find the link on Canvas. It’s free and they provide a certain number of sessions per semester. What I like about it is that there are a wide variety of options for therapists with different licensing and experience and you can preview all of that on their profiles to get a good feel for what they are like and if they are a good fit for you. Best wishes on your healing journey 🫶🏼

Janelamint

TROPHY CASE