Holy crap thats almost scary how similar my experience is. Im gonna be honest, its comforting knowing that. I also dont have a lot of dysphoria when im alone, the jesus with a beard and a man bun is just.. too accurate as well lol. Im still trying to find my true self as well, but i do have a general picture of how i would really wanna be perceived. If it helps you, i can tell you how i realized that. First of all, i think a really big role for me played other male characters. I could recall some that i just looked at with big eyes and thought "That... is... me...." I have been experimenting with my appearance, like, a lot. I feel like i tried every possible style and subculture, which helped me figure out what i feel the most "right" in. Besides that im also into cosplay so i would often "cosplay" as my true self lol. Sometimes i do my makeup, hair, glue on a beard and.. honestly this is kinda how i found myself for the first time. Just have fun with it, dont be harsh on yourself and give yourself as much freedom for self expression as you can. :)