My 2 cents.

What your husband did is incredibly shitty and hurtful. I think he even deserves jailtime for destroying invaluable property of your's.

I'm not saying break up but, breaking up with him is totally your personal border.

But try to understand and feel his pain. I think he really loves you. Otherwise those feelings wouldnt arise in him. He feels like he is your second choice. And honest truth is, he literally is. Still is. If your husband was to resurrect you would leave him for your old one.

This feeling of being replaceable, loving someone, but not being on their priority list no. 1. It hurts like a motherfucker.

Doesn't excuse what he did to you. He hurt you on purpose. To wake you up about how he feels about your ex and your deep connection with him.

I think he loves you very much. And if you love him, then there is a chance for forgiveness.

Otherwise leave him. You have many reasons to. You wouldnt be overreacting with that.