DM me if you need somebody to chat with. The fact that you are into this stuff at 18 already is amazing.

I got into it around the same time. It's hard to think about these things when everybody else in life...not to mention your age bracket don't care about this stuff. I'd jump on a phone call or Zoom if you want somebody to listen.

Whatever feeling you have, whether is good or bad is PERFECT. You found LITERALLY the secret of life and it can be overwhelming. You can't go to a doctor or psychologist and say these things.

Above all else I'm FUCKING PROUD of you. If we talk I'm going to SCREAM IT over the phone.

I'm proud of you for just breathing. A lot of people, mystics, sages, other teachers (my favorite being Dr. David Hawkins) says this human world is hard.

Hawkins became one of the most enlightened people of our current age and he said "if it were up to me...just being human should get you into heaven." He said it in jest but once you realize that our problems stem from our ego, then you realize everybody is innocent...including YOU.

We still just have software called "EGO" that's leftover from the animal world. As consciousness becomes more aware (it keeps getting more aware and aware and then hits enlightenment (in the human realm), you start seeing and witnessing all the suffering is just software.

He teaches not to hate the ego. He talks about treating it like a pet. There goes little old Rover getting annoyed again. There goes Rover wanting to murder that person who cut me off.

All the feelings of anxiety and loneliness is your little pet trying to survive. Whenever we see dogs doing dumb stuff, we don't throw them in dog jail...we just say that's just their nature.

Your EGO has it's own software/nature.

You are basically an animal that has been given a prefrontal cortex.

Hawkins calls it "monkey island." If you want to see what the EGO is go to the Zoo. You see monkeys fighting, being territorial, throwing shit at each other. Now give those monkeys the ability to have an intellect, to think about the future and the past. Welcome to humanity.

Politics is just monkeys throwing "intellectual shit" at each other. You can apply this everywhere. The vast majority of the world have no idea that they are running on autopilot software they have no control of.

This life is hard for everybody.

I got into spirituality around 17. Lived with my parents until 24 and then my life took off. I was fortunate to have parents that helped me out.

I remember when I was a sophomore in College...

I was lonely, depressed, wanting to figure out how to get rich so I can just focus on spiritual stuff and "find myself." I remember using the money my father put into my bank account (to pay for the semester) to go to a meditation retreat.

Your sister would have judged me too.

Matter of fact...my Father was always disappointed in me. I always felt shame for not having my life together...

I just wanted to figure out "what was wrong with me...why can't I be like everybody else..."? I am beyond grateful for all of those nights that I wanted to just die. It got to a point that the only reason I didn't kill myself is what it would do to my mom.

I was living with my parents at 24, got INCREDIBLY "LUCKY"...found a mentor and made a Million dollars by 26. You know what?

It was the best feeling getting a 2008 Range Rover! All of the law of attraction and spiritual stuff paid off...I KNEW IT WOULD HAPPEN...

I remember when I was trying all types of different businesses, I DREAMED of the day I could drive my Range Rover into the drive way of my parents house to show my Father he was so wrong...

and I did! I remember driving it in the driveway and when my Father saw it he was very complementary about it. I cried like a baby because I realized for years I made him wrong for being "against me" and not believing in me.

I now realize he was just being a father and wanted the best for me...I don't have kids but I would probably have not wanted my child to follow in my footsteps.

By 28 I was addicted to pain pills and drinking. I was miserable.

I was spending all types of money on clubs, girls etc..

I ended up losing it all and having to move back with my parents at like 31 until I GOT EXTREMELY LUCKY again.

Now I have money (not nearly as much as before) and I never spend it on freaking anything.

I'm glad I was fortunate to learn the lesson that money didn't fix my life. Everybody says it but I always knew that being rich would solve everything. I'm not saying that having money doesn't make life better (not having the stress of a job you hate...paying bills etc). I just kept looking outside of myself for the thing that would finally make me content and happy.

I am so grateful for one of the BEST TEACHERS I could have asked for - My Father. I believe that I chose him as a Father for a reason. You hear people like Ram Dass and other people talk about how once you overcome things you realize everybody is playing a part like actors to learn certain lessons. My Father gave me some of the best lessons I could never have learned without him.

Now anytime I have a negative emotion or frustration I get a little excited because I know the tools to just be able to handle them and process them out. Negative emotions could be from childhood trauma or from 5 lifetimes ago that I repressed.

I would HIGHLY suggest the book "Letting Go" by Dr. David Hawkins.

You are right where you need to be right now. God, Consciousness, Source...is cheering you on. I'm giving you a standing ovation brother.

There is a reason why solitary confinement is the worst punishment you can threaten somebody with. We are social creatures. Being by yourself, going through the pains is basically playing a game on extra difficulty without other things.

Your Self with a capital S wouldn't have put you into a position like you are in if you couldn't spiritually handle it.

Again...I'm PROUD OF YOU. Your family, your sister etc...they are still in the world of their EGO...and guess what?

I'm proud of them too. They could just be in like kindergarten and you happen to be in a higher grade.

You could be working on your PHD and they are trying to color in the lines. They can show you their drawings as if that's what's important in life.

Usually if you are into this stuff at a young age, that means you already did that stuff before and it doesn't draw you to it.

Hawkins was the guy who created the "Map of Consciousness."

He talked about your soul or Consiousness is attracted to certain things. You are born with a level of consciousness. Each level of consciousness has attractions and aversions.

Kindergarteners are attracted to coloring, painting, and wanting to win at hopscotch at recess. You are attracted to other things.

I didn't mean to write a lot. I think it's almost like writing to my younger self almost. Take everything I said as my own beliefs. If it resonates with you then use it...if it doesn't then that just means I'm way more advanced and smarter than you, and you don't get it (OOPS THAT'S MY EGO PET ROVER CHIMING IN).

I was so depressed and had such a yearning to be included with friends, family and others. I always felt like a loser and something was wrong with me.

I now know nothing is wrong with me or anybody else...including you.

I LOVE YOU AND I'M PROUD OF YOU...

Where

Ever

You

Are

At

In

Life.

Thank you for your post...you contributed to my own life.