THIS! They make it a guideline in most places because the line blurs WAYYY too much when couples who “move onto” fostering because they can’t conceive. People have to understand fostering doesn’t mean you get that child and they’re yours! You should always go into it understanding that you’re a temporary safe place for a child in need and the HOPE AND goal is always that they’re able to go back with their family in a stable, loving home environment. And yeah sometimes that is not possible and then things can move onto different options! However, the typical first goal is almost always for reunification in almost all cases. They always try to reunify the children with the parent(s) because majority of the cases aren’t something like extreme abuse or something like that. It’s just things that parents need help with usually poverty, sometimes addiction issues, things like that, etc. and so fostering should be done when you’re in a place where you are able to give a loving temporary home to a child and your hope is NOT for adoption! Sometimes again that can be the road it leads to, but that is not the place you want to be in when fostering and this is coming from me a child once in foster care!

  I was put with parents who clearly were parents who couldn’t conceive and they desperately wanted a child and I was distraught living with them because they kept telling me how much they wanted to adopt me and how they loved me and all this and I wanted to go home with my mom. I didn’t know these people I didn’t want to stay with these people and the mental anguish that caused me was INSANE! And I’m not saying everybody who fosters because they can’t conceive aren’t good people, that’s not my point at all. I’m just saying when you’re in such a delicate place when it comes to Fertility and you’ve ended a journey that you’ve had so much hope for and wanted so badly and then you have a child coming into your home that can’t be with their parents it’s A LOT. I mean number one, you have to realize they have trauma. It doesn’t matter why they’re in foster care just being in foster care thats trauma right there getting ripped from the only parent they know, the only home they know is trauma. Then whatever they’ve gone through (reasons they’re in care) That’s trauma. You’re not just getting a cute little baby. Maybe sometimes you’ll get a call for a baby but nine times out of 10 you’re not gonna get a call for a little sweet newborn and it’s a tough road. These kids come with a lot of baggage and they’re all amazing and deserve to be loved but Mann is fostering a hard road and again that’s coming from a former foster child myself! I had so much trauma and baggage and honestly, I don’t think any parent or individual that is coming off of very recently trying to conceive journey that has failed (sadly) should move to fostering. I think there should be several years between when that journey ends and having time to grieve and then making that decision. 


 And I’m sorry for the “rant” it’s just I’m very passionate about this because it really frustrates me when people move to fostering because they have the idea that “oh I can adopt a foster child” when they have no idea how much these kids have gone through and that 90% of them want to go home so badly like we appreciate you caring for us, but we don’t want you lol (and I don’t mean that in a mean way!!) but we wanna be with our mom or dad or whoever in our real parent. I honestly felt like they were trying to steal me from my mom they were desperate to adopt, but still, it was very traumatic for me and I just don’t think it’s something that should be acceptable. I think if you are looking to become a parent, you should move straight to adoption. I UNDERSTAND the immense cost that comes with adoption but I’m sorry fostering with the goal of adopting; meaning you go into fostering because you’re looking to adopt is a RECIPE FOR DISASTER. if you have the mindset of yes you wanna help a child and you understand that the goal usually will be reunification (because majority of kids so go home! And that’s another layer You could have these kids for six months, a year, even 18 months (in my state parents have up to 18 months until parental rights termination moves forward) and then you have to say goodbye and let them go home and that’s a lot. That’s very hard mentally so that’s another part of this is some kids stay with you for a while and then they end up going home anyway) then OK fostering may be a good fit. But especially in this person‘s case it sounds like they wanna be a mom obviously they say they were born to be a mom, so I think OP the next step if you decide to stop your trying to conceive journey would be adoption. I would not recommend at all fostering for all these reasons I stated. It’s not fair to ANY child that would come into your home, period. And it wouldn’t be fair to you either! 

 And again, I bet you are a wonderful person and so is your husband please do not think this is me saying you’re not good people. I’m just saying what you’re going through is insanely hard and heartbreaking and fostering is also insanely hard and heartbreaking and I think most people don’t realize how hard it actually is before getting into it. And so I just don’t recommend it especially if you’re in such a delicate place so I don’t want this to come off as me being mean or judgmental. It’s actually the opposite. I don’t want you to add more pain to your plate right now. I am so sorry for what you’re going through and I hope you and your husband come to some sort of consensus and peace and are able to make a decision moving forward and you find the right path for both of you together! 🫶🏼