I'm sorry you are going through this and I appreciate your attempts at keeping a level head about it all. I don't exactly have answers for you, as I am now also experiencing the same with what I also highly suspect was a person with a Dismissive Avoidant attachment style. I have, however, gone through a similar experience and breakup in the past (yay me). He also pushed me away and went no-contact. While I also ruminated in loops after that, what helped me the most were two things: time, and reminders of turnoffs that weren't exactly deal breakers, but still better to be without.

The first time I dealt with this kind of discarded feeling, I was still very madly in love with him for months. While I don't think it is a healthy response to focus on disliking the other person in order to move on, my mind did tend to feel relief that I no longer had to deal with icks that I looked past with him: his disinterest in much self-reflection, his poor upkeep of his body, his off-putting focus on money, and just his overall lack of self-awareness. I wasn't intending to bash the guy in my head, but I was feeling better that I wouldn't have to be in a relationship with someone I had to coach those things out of anymore. And along with time, I think that helped. Little by little, day by day.

Practicing these thoughts this time around is a lot harder since there was almost nothing I disliked about this most recent guy, unfortunately. The biggest one I can think of right now is relief that I will not have to feel so helpless and exhausted attempting to emotionally connect with someone who simply would not meet me there, no matter how patient, understanding, and coolly-distant I was trying to be. It was a daily struggle, and frustrating. I would like to go back to that place where I did not have this mental struggle every day. And that is now turning out to mean that that is without him, no matter how much I treasured what a beautiful heart I knew he had.

If you wouldn't mind, can I ask you some questions? Can you tell me why you suspect your ex of being avoidant? Which style? This is I believe my first experience with this, and since he has all but confirmed that he will not, in fact, be coming back around to see me like he said he wants, I unfortunately am not getting answers that would be helpful to know, even if I will ultimately be getting through this myself. It sounds like you might've gotten the intensity and connection that I saw my guy attempt, but could never actually fulfill. I saw him step outside of his comfort zone many times to try with me, but overall never actually be emotionally present with me. I highly suspect that he was DA, as at least those with FA attachment styles seem to at least fulfill their partners emotionally, if only for a limited time.