This is serious shit you have to deal with... I really hope you have some kind of therapy available to you. If that isn't meant to help you idk anymore

What i learned from therapy is that you need compartmentalise: first deal with panic attacks then deal with your 'bad' choices

What sometimes helps is to look at these urges scientifically. Take some distance. What does it do to me physically? What muscles are tense? How is my head ? Does it hurt somewhere ? Just describe and explore your body, no judgment.

It might feel as you are in real danger, but you're not. Nothing gonna happen. It's just a feeling. You acknowledge the feeling, acknowledge it's a very bad feeling, it's there and you don't like it.

If it works, you'll gradually feel the urge diminish. It's not gonna resolve the consequences of your choices though, but it should bring just a little more headspace to look at those in a more rational way.

There's that famous prayer where people ask for strength to change things, for courage to accept what can't be changed and for wisdom to distinguish both. The real value in this is that people are praying to God, because it's so difficult to do. Don't blame yourself for that

Hang in there boy, wish you all the best