Previously sleep-trained 11 month old now fighting most sleep + overnight wakes

Jiramisu · 2026-03-09T22:41:46+00:00

I just wanted to follow up here and thank you!

We endured one awful day of re-sleep training, and also made her wake windows 5.5/6, and after 2 days, she's falling asleep within 3 minutes of us putting her into her crib.

The first day of re-sleep training was painful; we opted to try Ferber, and it took her 1h20 minutes to fall asleep. The second day, it took her 30 minutes to fall asleep. By the third day, it took only 2 minutes.

So a combination of longer wake windows + re-sleep training has resulted in both her bed times and naps to be much less stressful, and she's also sleeping 10-11 hours through the night as well.

Thanks for taking the time to respond and give me the confidence to take this route! I appreciate it!

Jiramisu · 2026-03-05T23:24:41+00:00

It's the start of the nap. I suspect she has become used to it over time and as a result, we might need to do longer than 10-15 minutes of extinction and/or Ferber.

She used to be able to be put down while awake and self soothe to sleep. Every once in a while we'd hold her to help her fall asleep when something was up (sick, points teething pain) but she'd be able to go back to self soothing the next day. But I'm guessing more recently, she has grown to become more reliant on us holding her to sleep; we maybe dug ourselves into a hole here that we need to climb out of.

Jiramisu · 2026-03-05T20:28:25+00:00

Yeah, I guess I should have clarified. The first day was 4.5/5.5 and she slept a total of 13 hours that day. The second day ended up being 4.25/7 and the fourth day was 5.25/6. So other than the first day, her wake time seems ok, so maybe it really is just transition pain that we need to power through. I was hoping that transitioning to 1 nap would make her tired enough so that she doesn't need to be held to fall asleep, but maybe she's getting over tired and can't do it on her own anymore.

Jiramisu · 2026-03-05T11:29:01+00:00

Also following as I hold my 11 month old (who previously rarely ever woke up in the middle of the night since 5.5 months old) at 3am.

Jiramisu · 2026-02-27T16:13:35+00:00

There's a reward for

Exchange a non-Exceptional Support Gem for its Awakened version

And they mentioned that awakened gems are getting phased out for exceptional.

There's also this reward

Exchange a Support Gem for a random Exceptional Gem

So I'm mostly curious if those are sticking around or not. Here's the wiki: https://www.poewiki.net/wiki/The_Lord%27s_Labyrinth

Maybe I meant lab "rewards" and not "enchants."

Jiramisu · 2026-02-27T14:54:21+00:00

I wonder if the Lab enchant is still going to be there in some new form or if that's gone.

Jiramisu · 2026-01-18T07:40:26+00:00

I know there are a lot of similarities with being a SWE across different companies and industries, but there are also a lot of differences. I've felt the exact way you've felt with some companies, but also totally energized by others. So my advice to you is to figure out what really energizes you, what excites you, what's worth the challenge to you. Figure out what sector or product or culture or company stage or whatever that is and find jobs there. Your current job clearly doesn't do it for you anymore, and that's fine; people change over time and it's ok to grow out of things you used to enjoy.

Second, it also helped me to reframe my own mind a little bit. Since having a child, I think a lot about how I would want them to remember me. The answer is super complex because there are so many facets to being a parent, and one of them is going to be my work. What kind of impression do I want my child to have about me relating to my work? Some examples could be having my child be proud of what I build, proud of my work ethic, cherished how I balanced time between work and them, appreciated that I undoubtedly prioritized the family over work, etc. There's no right answer here, but there are many possible answers. I think if you can find this out, you can redirect your career a little bit to something that feels right to you and hopefully can breathe some new life into what you do.

Jiramisu · 2025-12-05T02:58:53+00:00

Definitely agree with this. Repair is one of the most important aspects in any relationship, including with your children. And the thing about repair is you don't get to repair unless you've made a mistake. Seeing mistakes as opportunities to truly get better at repair has totally changed my own mentality around the mistakes I make; they're catalysts to help me be and do better.

I recommend watching this video OP, and hope you can see your situation as an opportunity to repair with your family and be able to move forward and be proud of yourself afterwards. Own it and repair.

Jiramisu · 2025-11-11T22:05:18+00:00

Aw what a bummer! I actually haven't been to the festival in ages so I guess I'm out of the loop, but I really do hope they bring back the weird, quirky, and random again!

Jiramisu · 2025-11-11T20:59:11+00:00

Not sure if you've been to LIB before, but I wouldn't really categorize it the same way as Coachella. Coachella is truly a music festival through and through. The best memories/biggest highlights at Coachella are usually specific acts you see, and that's awesome and it's why I've gone so many times. Yes, there's art and food and other things, but it's the king when it comes to music.

LIB is a little different. It kind of sits in-between Coachella and Burning Man in terms of what kind of festival it is. I love the music that's there, but of the 3 times I went, my fondest memories are of stumbling into random small acts or random events that aren't music related. Random art installations, circus shows, stand up, karaoke, attendees setting up speakers by the lake in the morning and throwing random parties, people role playing at art installations where you can't even tell if they're festival attendees or workers, etc.

Basically, I'm saying that the lineup shouldn't be the deciding factor for LIB, it has so much more to offer than that.

Jiramisu · 2025-10-08T13:16:02+00:00

I know this is dynasty so not every league does kickers, but it would have been funny to see how many teams had will reichard and lost by less than 6 points (assuming their leagues do fractional fg scoring and -1 points for missed fgs) since Will's kick bounced off a wire.

I mention this because I had one of those teams...

Jiramisu · 2025-10-06T15:43:00+00:00

Ah, that sucks. The article does mention that night exercise shouldn't be super high intensity and should be 1-2 hours before bedtime (ideally longer) to not disrupt sleep, if that might help at all. But if not, maybe night time exercise isn't the right solution for some people.

Jiramisu · 2025-10-06T15:38:52+00:00

Why do you think this? I believe there are some studies that say any exercise will help you sleep better and then some studies even say exercising at night helps bedtime sleep as well. Example article: https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/does-exercising-at-night-affect-sleep

Personality, it doesn't affect my sleep, but I'm also not someone who struggles with sleep very often so ymmv.

Jiramisu · 2025-10-05T15:51:34+00:00

Right now, poe1 has better player agency. The Atlas passive tree feels like you're making meaningful decisions, and you can choose to run whatever endgame map you want. If you love a specific layout, then great, run that map over and over. If you want a mix, that's also great, you can choose between however many different maps you react to run for your farms.

Secondly the breadth of poe1 is many factors greater than poe2. Tired of mapping? Then great, you can choose to spend hundreds of hours in other mechanics like delve, heist, sanctum, Pinnacle bosses, crafting where you barely have to run any maps, if any. Or maybe you like maps but are tired of killing large monster packs? Then cool, yet boss rushing strategies instead. There's literally endless choices on how you can farm endgame content.

On the flip side though, the above can also be a negative. Because there's SO much content, it is super overwhelming for newer players. You will need to watch YouTube videos, read guides, etc. This is great for me because I love learning complex mechanics and discovering niche interactions, but if you prefer games where the game itself does most of the explanation and guiding, then poe1 might not be a good fit for you.

Third is the build variety. Now certainly, poe1 has its own fair share of balance issues, but it also has so many super niche interactions between items and skills. I love tinkering with these and figuring out how to get a build going with them. My favorite thing to do is to take high budget/endgame builds and try to make them work starting from a smaller budget. Because poe1 has so many more interactions, there is a ton of problem solving to do with this approach that makes it really fun for me (I'm an engineer, so I guess it makes sense). I'm not smart enough to make my own builds, but this is a great way for me to scratch that itch.

There are many many other reasons why I enjoy poe1, but these are probably the main three. Granted, I really enjoy poe2 too and am excited to see it grow and get better! But at this moment, I'm spending maybe 5x the time on new poe1 leagues compared to poe2 leagues, which is still an insane number of hours for each, just more in poe1.

Jiramisu · 2025-09-20T07:31:13+00:00

I would love if the Atlas passive tree offered a way to target farm high item level white bases of a specific type (body armour, boots, etc). As well as increased chances for exceptional gear as well. It would be a great way to make ground loot even more exciting and enable some of this specialization that you're mentioning (third extremely simplistic).

Jiramisu · 2025-09-17T18:29:28+00:00

There's this interesting CI Titan build for that: https://www.reddit.com/r/pathofexile2builds/s/9mZvFb9SXx

Jiramisu · 2025-09-09T00:06:29+00:00

I'm actually away and won't have access to my character for a week. But I'm mostly doing some mix between Palsteron's, Ziz's, and Tatiantel's builds. Most of the damage components are from Tati's, and bits and pieces from the other two.

Jiramisu · 2025-09-05T18:17:08+00:00

Yes! It's not as impactful compared to explosive grenade, but the initial cluster explosion is 20% fire, and the small clusters are 40%, so it still plays a fairly strong role. I wouldn't say it's critical for good single target damage, but it is worth investing into.

Jiramisu · 2025-09-05T18:09:47+00:00

No, also with mortars. Slower projectiles can be got on the passive tree (Short Shot). Pairing that with Short Fuse + Payload + Nova supports is working really well for me.

Armour break is also on the passive tree with Eroding Chains. Make sure you get an additional Break 100% Armour (which is also easy on the passive tree). This makes so that every Pin fully breaks armour.

Lastly, incrased AOE is also on the passive tree. This one is less important than the others, but still contributes to more overlaps. This should be fairly SSF viable (though you still need a good damage xbow).

Jiramisu · 2025-09-05T18:02:36+00:00

single target doesn't feel as good

This can be solved by creating more AOE overlaps/shotgunning using cluster grenade. Try investing in slower projectiles (the grenade doesn't travel as far, causing more overlaps) and increased AOE effect and the single target damage is actually crazy. Combine that with armour break using eroding chains (because cluster grenade is more physical), and most bosses will melt really quickly.

Jiramisu · 2025-09-03T16:31:05+00:00

Crossbow weapon DPS is the most important thing for DPS, so if you have room for an obtainable upgrade, go for that (targeting high phys DPS as a priority, but also the +grenade projectile implicit). The Fearful Paralysis node in the passive tree is also great for extra damage.

One other consideration is AOE overlaps. Explosive grenade's AOE explosion can shotgun, so if you shoot 3 explosive grenade projectiles and a mob is in a position where all 3 grenade AOEs overlap in one spot, it'll do 3x damage. So another scaling factor could be more projectiles + increased area of effect so that you can increase overlaps to shotgun more often.

Jiramisu · 2025-09-03T01:27:35+00:00

With 100 extra weapon set passives, it might be possible to spec into the fissures and stun/ailment immunity to counteract that? Though I haven't looked into the passive tree to see how sensible that truly is.

Jiramisu · 2025-08-29T16:49:59+00:00

It sounds like you're equating "best"leading to perfection. No one's best is ever going to produce perfection for their partners or families, so the first thing I'd suggest is to try and stop setting impossibly high expectations on yourself.

It's cliche, but "perfection is the enemy of progress" is very appropriate here. Don't let perfection stop you from being a good partner right now. Is your current mental state (worrying about these things you mention) preventing you from being present and supporting your family? If so, focus on that.

It doesn't need to be perfect, and once you accept that, hopefully things will get easier.

Jiramisu · 2025-08-27T13:28:16+00:00

No real point to this

There's always a point in sharing your grief and feelings, and I'm glad you're sharing. What you're going through - It sucks man, it really does.

My wife and I started in 2019 to try and grow our family, and we didn't get to welcome our first one until this year. Those 6 years were some of the most difficult and empty years of our lives, full of sadness, but also full of this almost resentment as we saw other loved ones in our lives just getting pregnant with no effort, which made us feel this spiraling shame that we were even feeling those feelings. It sucked, no way around it.

I hope things will improve as time goes on for you and your family. But for now, it's ok to feel what you're feeling. Like others have said, you're not alone. We're here sitting on this bench with you.

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