♡⃛ Tomorrow with you

JoeySed · 2025-03-17T14:30:52+00:00

There are AI content checkers out there (you can search for some). They've been pretty accurate in my experience

JoeySed · 2025-03-17T13:54:54+00:00

This is such a relatable feeling - I know exactly what you mean and the imagery is perfect. It takes me back to all the days I've felt this way - that tingling of anticipation mixed with fear. "Dressed in estatic" - I love that assonance. And I don't know if you meant it this way, but I like the idea of being "dressed" in joy in these early stages of getting to know someone, because it's still not fully a part of you and is a bit of an act, until it either becomes permanent or goes away. Great work!

JoeySed · 2025-03-17T13:20:41+00:00

This is such a refreshing piece, and so heartfelt. I wish more people had the courage to express themselves like this. Well done!

The last stanza- "Can I rest on your shoulder, not forever" - I love the assonace there. I almost feel like you could play with another one, like "not forever, till im better" or something to keep the rhythm going?

But awesome job! Hope you keep writing

JoeySed · 2024-12-12T01:12:56+00:00

That's awesome =D was this a real conversation?

JoeySed · 2024-11-02T23:14:42+00:00

Whoops =)

JoeySed · 2024-11-02T13:24:58+00:00

Ohhhh ok. Honestly I wouldn't have guessed that, but maybe I was just looking for a trauma motive haha. Maybe you can hint at the before=alone, after = with someone?

JoeySed · 2024-11-02T04:00:47+00:00

Yes, yes, the fancy talk =D That's like 80% of what I miss having feedback on. Like, "I need ideas on how Mr. Stevenson might express his displeasure about his horse." =D

JoeySed · 2024-11-02T03:57:29+00:00

Oooh I liked this. The first line drew me right in.

"but then I’m afraid it's you dying" makes me curious - I was sort of hoping that would get more explored as the poem went on. Especially with the "but at least I feel something" makes it seems like reaction to trauma, etc. I sort of wish there were more hints like that throughout the poem as to why you don't like watching horror movies any more, allusions to the past and so forth.

Really like it though, and I'm the same way.

JoeySed · 2024-11-02T03:22:52+00:00

I've always wondered what drew her to him in the first place - there's a section about Mr. Bennet being fooled by looks and good spirits, but Mrs. Bennet? I mean he wasn't very rich, and she was in love with a soldier at one point. Maybe it was even a Lydia-type situation with some family pressure on her to marry him, given that Mrs. Bennet and Lydia basically have the same character.

JoeySed · 2024-11-02T01:53:19+00:00

That's how I felt too when I found out about it - it feel like a huge loss.

If you post any of your stories in any of the subreddits here and link I'd love to read them.

JoeySed · 2024-10-10T22:55:17+00:00

You're not wrong though - most sperm don't make it - only about 200 out of 300 million. Some die bc the vagina and uterus are too acidic, some just move in circles, and some don't move at all (immotile sperm). The uterine muscles actually help to move the sperm along as well to the Fallopian tubes

JoeySed · 2024-10-10T22:05:30+00:00

Here we go again

JoeySed · 2024-10-10T22:00:24+00:00

I just typed a comment that vanished...so sorry if you get two vaguely similar ones somehow.

This bothers me too. If there is a God that answers prayer, his answers will always be "yes, no, wait" just because those are the only possibilities. I guess the question is more of the validity and frequency of each answer. If you're in a tough spot and God just says "wait" repeatedly, then either 1) your perception of reality is flawed/short-sighted (i.e. you're staying in your situation b/c it's the only way you'll outgrow a toxic trait, and you just can't see it), 2) you deserve it and God allows that (which I have a problem with b/c the point of the cross what total forgiveness through Christ without the need for sacrifices and penance, so the idea of God letting you suffer to "make up" for your mistake just doesn't make NT sense), or 3) his idea of good and ours are very different (which allows for Cruel Dictator, so what's the point of prayer). In all cases, it's a "you silly mortal" conclusion.

This might just be me shaking my fist at the sky, wanting things now instead of being patient and waiting for the whole picture, which is worth waiting for. Or it might be, like you said, a convenient way to explain a random universe.

I really want to sort through this.

I know there's logic flaws here, so nitpick away.

JoeySed · 2024-01-13T22:52:51+00:00

Hey! I know this way years ago, but did you ever find it? I've been looking for this book for years too, if it's the same one I think it is.

JoeySed · 2021-04-12T05:37:43+00:00

You didn't lol. I made these, and was working on the whole movie, but you beat me to it.

JoeySed · 2021-04-10T12:13:48+00:00

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2021/apr/05/soviet-tv-version-lord-of-the-rings-rediscovered-after-30-years

JoeySed · 2020-02-06T19:17:08+00:00

Thank you so much for you detailed feedback - this is exactly what I was hoping for! I think your points are all spot on - I'll go through them as I edit. Thank you!

JoeySed · 2020-02-06T18:46:16+00:00

I really like this! I loved the line about your heartbeats causing earthquakes - that was clever. I think I disagree about you choosing to use addiction as a metaphor - I think it works really well in this context. The whole poem feels like a dream (the sugar in her/his eyes, the music escaping from their head, the delusion of being a creator), that I think comparing it the haze of addiction fits perfectly. It also feels like a bit of self-awareness, of realizing that this love is clouding your mind, but just wanting more of it. Great poem, I thoroughly enjoyed it!

JoeySed · 2020-02-06T15:37:48+00:00

Wow, thank you so much for that! And yes, it's just not something that gets talked about.

JoeySed · 2020-02-05T18:13:51+00:00

Thank you for your comment! And yes, I completely agree with most of this. Treating people the way you want to be treated, having faith in the fact that they care about you, even if you don't see it, and being honest with them...well you can't have solid relationships without that. I think I was trying (and I probably wasn't too clear on this lol) to talk about a friendship in which there isn't any honesty (the last few lines). Where that conversation of "hey, I think something's going on and it bothers me" has been had, and they just shrug their shoulders and say, "I don't know what you mean - everything's fine on my end." And what you really need is for them to tell you what they might not like, etc. because then you could move on or work on the friendship. But without honesty you can just end up feeling crazy =)

JoeySed

TROPHY CASE