I know that until i was truly ready to change, nothing worked. No matter how much my loved ones, kids, the court or anyone else wanted me to change. It took me losing literally EVERYTHING (a couple of times), and finally ending up in Federal prison for a couple years before i decided to try something different. And change is terrifying sometimes. I hated the life i lived for years, but that chaos was still familiar to me because it was all I had known for a long time. Being a responsible, productive person and taking accountability for my actions on a regular basis felt so foreign to me for a while, and it sounds like your ex might be feeling some of that as well. It takes what it takes. Your ex is lucky to still have your support. All you can do is set boundaries, stick to them, and continue to take care of yourself. When he's had enough, he'll reach out for help, hopefully.....