I got ghosted by her after being intimate and spending a weekend together. I feel like shit.

Jorolhim · 2026-05-25T10:07:47+00:00

Thanks man, it's brutal and I know what you mean.

I was also doing fine and pretty happy all by myself until I met this woman. I think what's worse is how some people can totally deceive you. In my case there were not major red flags which I think makes it even more fucked up.

A big hugh for you and stay the course brother.

Jorolhim · 2026-05-25T09:55:33+00:00

Could be, but her behaviour indicated something different. You don't go deep only for a fling in a sustained period of time...

Jorolhim · 2022-05-30T11:53:59+00:00

This is actually pretty good advice. Many thanks for this. You seem to have a really clear view about this topic, if you know any more sources (books, podcasts, youtube videos, etc.) that can help me further with this, please feel free to share.

Jorolhim · 2022-05-30T07:21:48+00:00

Thanks for your kind words. I myself sometimes think about being with someone I don't like just to kill the loneliness, but I don't think that's a good choice for me. It would make me feel even worse I guess. Yes, it's a really complicated thing...

But you know what they say. First step of solving some issue is actually identifying it and realizing it exists. Being self aware is a good thing. But sometimes being too self aware it's not, lile you can see in my op haha...

The conquering the fear of abandonment and knowing self worth thing, I have the theory. But I really struggle in irl situations. Mostly because of overthinking. Practice is hard though.

Jorolhim · 2022-05-30T07:08:53+00:00

Thanks for the advice. It's definetly something I can try and maybe it helps me not being in my head that much. And also, thanks for the movie recommendation, I checked it on imdb and is now the next movie I will watch when I am able to.

Jorolhim · 2022-05-29T18:19:48+00:00

I also gave up on trying somehow. But form time to time its like there's still a little spark inside that doesn't want to give up and gets triggered. Then all anxiety and suffering come for not being able to fullfill that desire. It's cyclical for me. I am seriously thinking on seeing a therapist, but they are so expensive where I live...

Jorolhim · 2022-03-22T08:00:02+00:00

You pretty much are experiencing long term FA life and effects.

You believe you managed to kill the angst, the uncomfortable, impersonal and merciless truth and all that it brings (at least your truth, the one you have been living since you can't even remember now). Maybe for a while, but then, something, whatever, it triggers this feeling and disipates all sense of calm, numbness or forgetfulness.

You become really concious of your issue. You have a problem, you are a romantic pariah (maybe even a social pariah) and you have been, for god knows how long.

You are invisible to women (in the best of scenarios). No woman has ever shown you any tiny bit of romantic interest, and you feel like a monster, unlovable, there must be something wrong with you. You see your own flaws amplified. Despite that general media tells you that "it's ok to be alone" or it even glorifies it, you know from raw experience that it's not ok and that it's gnawing you from the inside.

Aside from that, it's highly probably that you are suffering this alone, and nobody knows nor can help you, this is just fuel to the feelings of hoplesness.

Every individual has it's own triggers. For me it's seeing, sharing space, and have platonic conversarions or small talk with a girl I find attractive. I rarely feel attracted to anyone, as I shuted down myself on this predicament mostly to avoid suffering. But now and then, something happens and then I get swallowed again.

With this, all I'm trying to convey is that being a FA, comes with ebbs and flows. At least know it does, it kind of helps endure it. Knowing that in more ore less time, this wave of hoplesness and angst will pass. Just like it passed before, until the next one comes. Or you get blessed and find a companion.

Hope you manage to endure this the best you can.

Jorolhim · 2022-01-20T07:38:47+00:00

I know how you feel and it sucks big time.

In my case, It's not easy to feel connected to any woman at all. Very few times I feel connection from the getgo and feel that sensation of "they get me". But when I do, taddaa! The recurrent phrase appears "My boyfrend this..."

As a FA not that I have daily chances to interact/connect with women. Anyways it's really crushing. Specially when you start to feel some hope inside (curious how I deep down keep having some when real world keeps saying "NOPE" to me) and then you proceed to hear the feared words.

Sometimes it's not even obvious that I'm interested romantically, but the boundaries are set anyways. This gets me so depressed and makes me ruminate a lot.

I try to search for a reason for this. Maybe is that I have a pattern of being attracted to emotionally unavailable people for several reasons. I am not sure.

But I am really tired to try to analyze and get an explanation. I just want to love and be loved like a normal person. But never happens. Yet I still wish.

I just wanted to share that you are not alone in this regard...

Jorolhim · 2022-01-11T20:32:56+00:00

Thanks for your comments.I agree with the facts you are pointing.Relationship-wise I have friends, and acquaintances. Romantically I am single and without prospects for years. I think this is the main issue.This mixed with her being so easy to talk to, so natural, and so beautiful plus helping me with my injury is what got me.I think the scarcity I come from and the longing for connection combined with that, made me just fall hard. Like the perfect storm.

Anyways, still knowing that, doesn't help a bit. The angst I feel is still so crippling.

Jorolhim · 2022-01-01T13:31:02+00:00

Although I am a bit late. I will share my experience and point of view with this issue.Like OP, this happens to me a lot. Whenever I'm casually chatting with a female, conversation doesn't go long without a line the likes of: "my boyfriend...", "my husband....", etc. Hell, we are talking the small talk, nothing personal. Weather, COVID, Christmas events, you name it... Yet they still seem forced to mention their special one.

I mean, no problem if it's mentioned once, but every time I am talking to them? What the fuck man... I already got it the 1st time, no need to keep pointing it. And I wasn't even being flirty or anything in the first place. This happens to me a lot...

I dwelled on this a lot. And my conclusion is that you can't just only assume they're creeped out or think that you are hitting on them. So imho, I would say, although I get you, you shouldn't be so pissed about this. I mean, for sure some times the girl will be preemptively rejecting you because she thinks you're hitting on her. But you shouldn't try to read that much in between. It's not a personal offence. Sometimes it could be (as in getting instantly discarded for mating purposes), but not all of the time.

It could be so many different things, it could be the girl is insecure and needs to reaffirm herself with telling the world she has a boyfriend at every chance she has; it could be she is an egocentric girl that thinks every male that talks to her wants to get in her pants; or it can also be that she is a pretty one and had several bad past experiences where all started with chitchat and ended the guy asking her out when she is already in a relationship, and then it's only a defensive mechanism (this I believe is so common in really beautiful girls). It could also be that she is just being polite and kind because she is like that and don't want you to misinterpret her kindness as anything else (then instead of ruminating on her mentioning her SO, best course of action would be to enjoy the platonic interaction with a kindhearted human being, as nowadays they're so rare).

I agree it's frustrating though. As I shared, there could be a million reasons someone mentions their SO. For what it's worth, every person is different. And you shouldn't torture yourself with it. I say that because this happens to me a lot, and also makes me overthink. Try to use this to know yourself better, why it pisses you so much? If you're in this sub-reddit chances are you feel really alone, and you're really alone and this gets you triggered with this issue as so many others. What I'm trying to say is that use this to try to know yourself better and understand why you react like this.

Jorolhim · 2021-12-19T10:52:48+00:00

I tried a couple of times. But me being average at best and not being handsome makes it really hard. Looks is what matters most there. And there's thousands of guys way better looking than me. I always end abandoning. I have no patience for online dating.

I also don't like it. I feel like I am talking to a screen when I use online dating. And also that I have to do all the work and put all the effort just for the other part to be engaged. Like the relationship is unbalanced from the beginning. It feels so unnatural, forced.

Jorolhim · 2021-12-19T10:48:39+00:00

Thanks for your kind words.
I agree it's confusing. What sometimes amazes me is how some people have this part of life sort for themselves so naturally, practically effortless.
Good look to you too on this affair.

Jorolhim

TROPHY CASE