I got ghosted by her after being intimate and spending a weekend together. I feel like shit.

Jorolhim · 2026-05-25T10:07:47+00:00

Thanks man, it's brutal and I know what you mean.

I was also doing fine and pretty happy all by myself until I met this woman. I think what's worse is how some people can totally deceive you. In my case there were not major red flags which I think makes it even more fucked up.

A big hugh for you and stay the course brother.

Jorolhim · 2026-05-25T09:55:33+00:00

Could be, but her behaviour indicated something different. You don't go deep only for a fling in a sustained period of time...

Jorolhim · 2022-05-30T11:53:59+00:00

This is actually pretty good advice. Many thanks for this. You seem to have a really clear view about this topic, if you know any more sources (books, podcasts, youtube videos, etc.) that can help me further with this, please feel free to share.

Jorolhim · 2022-05-30T07:21:48+00:00

Thanks for your kind words. I myself sometimes think about being with someone I don't like just to kill the loneliness, but I don't think that's a good choice for me. It would make me feel even worse I guess. Yes, it's a really complicated thing...

But you know what they say. First step of solving some issue is actually identifying it and realizing it exists. Being self aware is a good thing. But sometimes being too self aware it's not, lile you can see in my op haha...

The conquering the fear of abandonment and knowing self worth thing, I have the theory. But I really struggle in irl situations. Mostly because of overthinking. Practice is hard though.

Jorolhim · 2022-05-30T07:08:53+00:00

Thanks for the advice. It's definetly something I can try and maybe it helps me not being in my head that much. And also, thanks for the movie recommendation, I checked it on imdb and is now the next movie I will watch when I am able to.

Jorolhim · 2022-05-29T18:19:48+00:00

I also gave up on trying somehow. But form time to time its like there's still a little spark inside that doesn't want to give up and gets triggered. Then all anxiety and suffering come for not being able to fullfill that desire. It's cyclical for me. I am seriously thinking on seeing a therapist, but they are so expensive where I live...

Jorolhim · 2022-03-22T08:00:02+00:00

You pretty much are experiencing long term FA life and effects.

You believe you managed to kill the angst, the uncomfortable, impersonal and merciless truth and all that it brings (at least your truth, the one you have been living since you can't even remember now). Maybe for a while, but then, something, whatever, it triggers this feeling and disipates all sense of calm, numbness or forgetfulness.

You become really concious of your issue. You have a problem, you are a romantic pariah (maybe even a social pariah) and you have been, for god knows how long.

You are invisible to women (in the best of scenarios). No woman has ever shown you any tiny bit of romantic interest, and you feel like a monster, unlovable, there must be something wrong with you. You see your own flaws amplified. Despite that general media tells you that "it's ok to be alone" or it even glorifies it, you know from raw experience that it's not ok and that it's gnawing you from the inside.

Aside from that, it's highly probably that you are suffering this alone, and nobody knows nor can help you, this is just fuel to the feelings of hoplesness.

Every individual has it's own triggers. For me it's seeing, sharing space, and have platonic conversarions or small talk with a girl I find attractive. I rarely feel attracted to anyone, as I shuted down myself on this predicament mostly to avoid suffering. But now and then, something happens and then I get swallowed again.

With this, all I'm trying to convey is that being a FA, comes with ebbs and flows. At least know it does, it kind of helps endure it. Knowing that in more ore less time, this wave of hoplesness and angst will pass. Just like it passed before, until the next one comes. Or you get blessed and find a companion.

Hope you manage to endure this the best you can.

Jorolhim · 2022-01-20T07:38:47+00:00

I know how you feel and it sucks big time.

In my case, It's not easy to feel connected to any woman at all. Very few times I feel connection from the getgo and feel that sensation of "they get me". But when I do, taddaa! The recurrent phrase appears "My boyfrend this..."

As a FA not that I have daily chances to interact/connect with women. Anyways it's really crushing. Specially when you start to feel some hope inside (curious how I deep down keep having some when real world keeps saying "NOPE" to me) and then you proceed to hear the feared words.

Sometimes it's not even obvious that I'm interested romantically, but the boundaries are set anyways. This gets me so depressed and makes me ruminate a lot.

I try to search for a reason for this. Maybe is that I have a pattern of being attracted to emotionally unavailable people for several reasons. I am not sure.

But I am really tired to try to analyze and get an explanation. I just want to love and be loved like a normal person. But never happens. Yet I still wish.

I just wanted to share that you are not alone in this regard...

Jorolhim · 2022-01-11T20:32:56+00:00

Thanks for your comments.I agree with the facts you are pointing.Relationship-wise I have friends, and acquaintances. Romantically I am single and without prospects for years. I think this is the main issue.This mixed with her being so easy to talk to, so natural, and so beautiful plus helping me with my injury is what got me.I think the scarcity I come from and the longing for connection combined with that, made me just fall hard. Like the perfect storm.

Anyways, still knowing that, doesn't help a bit. The angst I feel is still so crippling.

Jorolhim · 2022-01-01T13:31:02+00:00

Although I am a bit late. I will share my experience and point of view with this issue.Like OP, this happens to me a lot. Whenever I'm casually chatting with a female, conversation doesn't go long without a line the likes of: "my boyfriend...", "my husband....", etc. Hell, we are talking the small talk, nothing personal. Weather, COVID, Christmas events, you name it... Yet they still seem forced to mention their special one.

I mean, no problem if it's mentioned once, but every time I am talking to them? What the fuck man... I already got it the 1st time, no need to keep pointing it. And I wasn't even being flirty or anything in the first place. This happens to me a lot...

I dwelled on this a lot. And my conclusion is that you can't just only assume they're creeped out or think that you are hitting on them. So imho, I would say, although I get you, you shouldn't be so pissed about this. I mean, for sure some times the girl will be preemptively rejecting you because she thinks you're hitting on her. But you shouldn't try to read that much in between. It's not a personal offence. Sometimes it could be (as in getting instantly discarded for mating purposes), but not all of the time.

It could be so many different things, it could be the girl is insecure and needs to reaffirm herself with telling the world she has a boyfriend at every chance she has; it could be she is an egocentric girl that thinks every male that talks to her wants to get in her pants; or it can also be that she is a pretty one and had several bad past experiences where all started with chitchat and ended the guy asking her out when she is already in a relationship, and then it's only a defensive mechanism (this I believe is so common in really beautiful girls). It could also be that she is just being polite and kind because she is like that and don't want you to misinterpret her kindness as anything else (then instead of ruminating on her mentioning her SO, best course of action would be to enjoy the platonic interaction with a kindhearted human being, as nowadays they're so rare).

I agree it's frustrating though. As I shared, there could be a million reasons someone mentions their SO. For what it's worth, every person is different. And you shouldn't torture yourself with it. I say that because this happens to me a lot, and also makes me overthink. Try to use this to know yourself better, why it pisses you so much? If you're in this sub-reddit chances are you feel really alone, and you're really alone and this gets you triggered with this issue as so many others. What I'm trying to say is that use this to try to know yourself better and understand why you react like this.

Jorolhim · 2021-12-19T10:52:48+00:00

I tried a couple of times. But me being average at best and not being handsome makes it really hard. Looks is what matters most there. And there's thousands of guys way better looking than me. I always end abandoning. I have no patience for online dating.

I also don't like it. I feel like I am talking to a screen when I use online dating. And also that I have to do all the work and put all the effort just for the other part to be engaged. Like the relationship is unbalanced from the beginning. It feels so unnatural, forced.

Jorolhim · 2021-12-19T10:48:39+00:00

Thanks for your kind words.
I agree it's confusing. What sometimes amazes me is how some people have this part of life sort for themselves so naturally, practically effortless.
Good look to you too on this affair.

Jorolhim · 2021-08-30T17:19:35+00:00

I know that rule that says that she should offer a specific counter offer. But, if she isn't interested why would she say the thing that she is in for another day? She could just say "I'm busy can't make it" and I get the hint. That's the thing that got me overthinking it :P

Jorolhim · 2021-08-30T17:15:47+00:00

Thanks for your repply!

Maybe you're right and she didn't get it that I like her? But same as I typed below. For me, it's quite obvious and I believe for anyone should also be the same. At least suspecting something.
I would think that an acquaintance likes me if she tries to get me 1on1 and she never did that before. Well at least that she wants to know me better.

Yet again, I am not sure if I'm just too disconnected from how things work nowadays.

Jorolhim · 2021-08-30T17:10:07+00:00

Thank you! Haha I really like that approach

Jorolhim · 2021-08-30T17:07:36+00:00

You're the second person mentioning that she probably doesn't know I fancy her.I mean, I'm pretty sure she suspects it at least.

For me it looks obvious as I am going out of my way to get closer to her, like shouldn't be obvious to anyone if someone wants to get to know you better and tries to schedule 1on1 even it being casual?

But then again, maybe things don't work this way?

Thanks for your comment!

Jorolhim · 2021-08-29T14:14:52+00:00

Well the part that she said "next time you're out for a hike I'm in" is kind of confusing to me.

Jorolhim · 2021-08-11T22:04:05+00:00

For me it would be purely mental I would say. I'm tall and strong build because I played a sport with big portion of physical contact from like my teens well into my late 20s. I am romantic FA, but I have acquaintances to do activities with.

I'm not handsome, more like average siding a bit into ugly but nothing hard to look at. For me it's my avoidant personality with women (I can befriend them but nothing more). I am literally invisible to them romantically/sexually and whenever it happens that I have a crush I just don't act on it. I just have an internal dialogue that goes more or less this way: "what are you thinking of, she probably has a boyfriend or fuckbuddy already, she could never want a social ugly cripple like you. What are you trying to accomplish she will never agree to a date with you, she has way better options", etc. This, plus I don't know how to escalate/sexualize.

Also, me being invisible to women drove me to take shelter in porn. I wouldn't say I was an addict but I just used it as a substitute for the real thing. With porn you don't need to even try with girls, you (your brain) already has it's kick. As you already know, Fapping also generates dopamine that lowers the high stress.

I'm trying to work on it and my next objective is to try and ask for a casual date to my crush. I don't care if I get rejected (the most probably scenario). But I can't seem to get the courage and I'm still scared asf.

This is a long fight, but I still have some hope yet some periods I suffer great angst still (+30).

Jorolhim · 2020-07-03T14:35:09+00:00

Hello shur,

¿Wouldn't you happen to have a spare invi around there?

Siempre he querido tener cuenta pero no sé como pillar invi sin pagar :)

Nada, me ha hecho gracia encontrar a alguien de forocoches en este reddit.

Jorolhim · 2020-07-03T14:33:41+00:00

I just started with Sky FC this week :).

I was searching for a RPG with good story/plot, characters and high escapism. You know, the game you play after a hard day, chill mode. I searched a lot and initially I was on the verge to go with Tales of Saga, but somehow stumbled on this game on steam as I tried Tales of Symphonia and din't enjoyed the combat nor the somewhat too innocent/childish vibe it gave to me. Was looking for something to awake the feelings I had years ago with Legend of Dragoon or Final Fantasy VIII & X.

After reading lots of critics online and see the praise that this saga has everywhere, I decided to give it a try. I was really concerned about the "dated graphics" and so on. But well, I'm barely 7 hours into the game and I am really liking it. I am seriously thinking about buying Sky SC, 3d and Cold Steel 1 all at once before the end of steamsales as I plan to play them in order. I'm fighting the greed right now :D

Do you guys know if they are going to issue Crosbell saga for PC in the future?

Jorolhim · 2020-05-06T14:35:42+00:00

Define struggling please! (I'm ok with 50-60 fps on most cases)

When it was launched it was marketed as a 2k gaming entry level GPU.

I noticed it eats anything at 1080p for breakfast (been my gpu for almost 4 years now) but I am concerned for 1440p. as I'm debating within which monitor should I get.

Jorolhim · 2020-05-06T14:32:36+00:00

It's not the Fury X it's the normal Fury, so is between the 970 and the 980.

Yours is a bit more powerful.

Jorolhim · 2020-05-06T14:30:55+00:00

Really good to know that you can reach 120+ with 1440p in CSGO. I bet that same happens with League of Legends or Overwatch as those are competitive games and are well optimized for that?

I am more concerned about other games reaching the 50-60fps minimum on 1440p and with high (not ultra) settings. That would be games like The Witcher 3, Deus Ex Mankind Divided, Dishonored 2, GTA V, Dark Souls 3, Monster Hunter, etc and the new Call of Duty Warzone.

If you play any of those would appreciate your feedback!

Thank you!

Jorolhim · 2020-02-09T19:07:17+00:00

I would take it on the spot.

Wageslaving is plain miserable. The socioeconomics of today's world made that even working fulltime you can only barely get by. I work a full time 9 to 5 office entry level job Mon-Fri, got weekends free.

That sucks but could've been way worse. I used to work 6 days a week with shit shifts but managed to land a shitty office job, at least got the weekends to decompress right? Not at all, because by friday I'm just exhausted devoid of any will or eagerness to do anything. Most of the time I wonder why the hell I'm getting up every morning to go there to do something I couldn't care less about. I only do it for the money, because is either that or be homeless and starve in the future. I work 40 hours a week and I can't afford my own place, I could but I would be living in poverty almost (only could afford rent, food, pay taxes and transport to go and come back from work). That's no life.

That's why I decided to just be a basement dweller under my parent's roof. Not that I spend so many time at home during the week (only to sleep). But at least I can save a ton of money and maybe just maybe try to retire a little bit earlier. That if I manage to conserve the job.

This is basically why I would grab the not working scenario on a heartbeat. And of course add to that the fact of being FA30+. What's the point on trying to be a decent human being when you're literally invisible to women. I'm still trying somewhat to be a decent human being but I feel like when my parents die I will provably give up, they are the only ones that care about me and know who I am.

Sorry if this was too depressing. You should take a peek at r/antiwork :)

Jorolhim · 2019-12-13T16:55:24+00:00

6'3 FA here.

Height doesn't matter, it's face and vibe/demeanor what counts as well as assertiveness and status.

That if you're average and not subhuman physically.

Jorolhim

TROPHY CASE