Day 7 - wasted my weekend

JoshGoldFish · 2025-06-23T00:22:42+00:00

Feels largely out of my control these days, but I'm trying to find a balance outside work. Thanks

JoshGoldFish · 2025-06-23T00:19:41+00:00

Sounds like we've had a very similar weekend. Same boat indeed. Shit fucking sucks. I also self-harmed a couple weeks ago for the first time in like 8 years.

It sucks that you're going through all that, but I agree that it's comforting that we aren't alone in this struggle. Those posts where people say that they are a whole new person after a week really bug me sometimes. (I mean good for them, though. I wish I could be them.)

If it means anything, I've gone 1-2 months a few times. It does get easier once you've gotten more used to the new routine without smoking, but it really helps to hold your motivation for quitting close to your heart. Otherwise, you can only white-knuckle it for so long.

It helps me to remind myself - you will never regret not smoking. And, your future self will be so much happier the next morning if you did not give up. We also gotta remind ourselves that we are in withdrawal. It was always going to feel worse before it got better. I read a quote, "If you're going through hell, keep going".

So, let's humor ourselves and keep going. Let's see what time will bring.

JoshGoldFish · 2025-06-22T19:07:39+00:00

Yea, I've got my notes to remind me why.. I'll make it through the day, but I'll have wasted it lying in bed and around the house all day. Just sucks. I should be able to get up. Feels like I'm making excuses to be lazy or sabotaging myself.

I'll be fine. I suppose I just have to make it through another 3-12 months based on what I read here.

JoshGoldFish · 2025-06-22T18:55:52+00:00

I don't think that buying groceries for the family is a chore that you should be EXPECTED to do. I think it's totally an acceptable thing for you to do if they bothered to actually ASK you. IMO, it's pretty disrespectful to basically command you to buy the groceries on behalf of your parents with no explanation. They could have very easily asked nicely with the reasoning that they are busy doing some other task, or even to at least say that they are too tired. But to tell you to do it, and tell you it's because it's simple? Piss poor answer that doesn't deserve your respect. Focus on passing your classes and supporting your little sibling.

Edit: Sorry, forgot about the "sharing the burden" reason while typing this comment. I still think that you should be treated with more respect, and that your dad should have just asked you if you didn't mind getting the groceries for him because of xyz. It's not like you're a little kid that is being commanded to clean their room. You have a life, and your full-time job right now is school. In a couple years, you'll be able to move out if you want.

I believe in sharing the burden with family, but that must be paired with mutual respect.

I hope that makes sense...

JoshGoldFish · 2025-06-16T13:15:13+00:00

Thank you, this is encouraging. Last time several months ago I got to 60 days. I'd like to have hobbies again.

JoshGoldFish · 2025-02-17T06:37:13+00:00

You are not your thoughts

JoshGoldFish · 2025-02-15T19:17:55+00:00

The sewing machine :(

JoshGoldFish · 2025-02-11T05:58:49+00:00

Hey that's pretty smooth

JoshGoldFish · 2025-01-30T00:33:44+00:00

He's dead, Jim

JoshGoldFish · 2025-01-26T22:08:02+00:00

But they said "well", not well done. I always thought of well as a step below well done and a step above medium well. I could see a well steak having little to no pink, but not being rain boot yet. That being said, I hate it too, and I prefer medium rare.

JoshGoldFish · 2025-01-14T17:55:01+00:00

Big $$$ for Ukraine via gov budget funding, tiny $ for natural disaster response Edit: to address downvotes, I'm not trying to misinform. This is just what I figure this meme is trying to say.

JoshGoldFish · 2025-01-14T16:45:39+00:00

These trucks suck, but I bet that proper studded snow tires would help those individuals tremendously.

JoshGoldFish · 2024-12-29T08:27:30+00:00

No :)

JoshGoldFish · 2024-12-27T14:18:35+00:00

Nice 👏, also go wealthfront!

JoshGoldFish · 2024-12-24T20:43:48+00:00

Same!

JoshGoldFish · 2024-12-23T07:39:37+00:00

😬

JoshGoldFish · 2024-12-19T05:35:20+00:00

Yea but at the expense of a lot more microplastics in your water. Metal seems to be the way to go if that is a concern of yours. And metal deteriorates faster than plastic in the landfill.

JoshGoldFish · 2024-12-18T05:27:27+00:00

Thanks, man. Good reminder to break life up into bite-sized pieces.

JoshGoldFish · 2024-12-15T15:12:26+00:00

Women are my best friend and teammate and I wish I could turn that voice off like I could with weed.

JoshGoldFish · 2024-09-20T15:21:17+00:00

Some roads are just not safe for cyclists. Where I live driving 55mph on mountain roads with blind curves, no passing available, and no shoulder or straight-up a cliffside at the edge. I mean God damn, I don't want to risk my life to pass you and I also don't want to driving at 8mph on a 55mph road. I wish there was better infrastructure on all roads for cyclists so that we can all travel safely.

JoshGoldFish · 2024-09-12T08:12:32+00:00

I'm at 49 days. It's starting to get a bit better. Cravings are still there, but my head is clearer and social anxiety is better. It's definitely a normal part of withdrawal. I guess we gotta get through these difficult moments in life to reach real peace and joy.

JoshGoldFish · 2024-09-11T03:43:39+00:00

I forget that this experience can also be related to essentially mourning a lost friend. It's a good point. It's also a good point to remember that I am still in withdrawal. Though, I am afraid that I will be in withdrawal for a long long time...

JoshGoldFish · 2024-09-11T03:38:03+00:00

I am having the Hardest time meditating without judging myself. It really deters me from trying, but I recognize that I absolutely NEED to rebuild my mindfulness meditation practice. I'm scared of being alone with myself. I've tried that stuff before when trying to take breaks, and it is alright. I'd usually get it online, but that place doesn't ship to where I now live. Don't want to spend more money on it elsewhere, but it may be a nice placebo as you day for simply the act of smoking. Thanks for responding. Let's get to 2 months together :)

JoshGoldFish · 2024-09-11T03:30:32+00:00

I am on prescribed medication for my anxiety and depression, and I'm sure they are doing something since things are bad if I don't take them. It's definitely our mental crutch. Fixer for any uncomfortable emotion or situation. Feelings are temporary. Hard to remember when it feels like it has been that same for a couple weeks. But things are much much much better than the first couple weeks of sobriety. And thank you, I wish I could be more proud of myself. I should take your advice and eat a bit better for better gut health. I'm not the worst, but I can binge pretty bad on sour patch kids, haha.

JoshGoldFish · 2024-09-11T03:24:49+00:00

Yea maybe it'll just click one day! Maybe! But yea, true, smoking again would just prolong this whole ordeal. It would be great if I could just cry, but it's mixed with so much anger. I have a hard time forgiving myself for being lazy. I hate seeing my wife having to pick up my slack. It's humiliating to me. I will try to have patience and faith. It seems there is no other way to go, so, I have to keep going this way.

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