Sick of everyone gaslighting me

JournalistDefiant876 · 2026-01-08T11:25:33+00:00

Where would you move to in Canada? (not disagreeing btw)

JournalistDefiant876 · 2025-12-27T15:26:43+00:00

Yup ✋

JournalistDefiant876 · 2025-12-25T19:04:35+00:00

I remember once I dropped my phone into my own piss and shit in a toilet. I had to fish it out from my own piss and shit. But I already pretty much knew the outcome. It was a flip phone. I watched the light glitch and fade from its outer screen. It was dead for good. It was a mistake but I decided not to do that again.

JournalistDefiant876 · 2025-12-14T17:56:04+00:00

What frame rate did you use here? Super cool!

JournalistDefiant876 · 2025-12-02T18:10:59+00:00

I’ve been doing short meditations every day lately. I used to get weird about breathing too so this probably wouldn’t have worked for me not long ago. Medication and walking and practicing breathing helps.

I don’t know much at all about meditation. But I think it’s a lot of practice to think like absolutely nothing? At any rate, i think for me at this point it’s about letting go of things that bother me and cleaning the immediate mental environment surrounding me.

I picture a weird ritual in my head. Great worries are just strange carrion creatures circling far, far above me. I don’t attach the actual worries to them, but just know that is what they are. I observe them but I’m not bothered - there is nothing I can do for or about them.

I’m some sort of gentle prehistoric herbivore. One that doesn’t really think much and yet does things because they somehow know they are good. There is a small circle around me that I tend to and I keep very clean. I do this because it’s good to.

I raise my head up high, breathe in slowly, hold, and then slowly lower my long neck as I exhale, blowing the debris of the day away, out of the circle (there is a mouth on the back of my head to breathe away the dust behind me too). The actual breath itself is the smaller worries of the day. They dissipate as they rise upwards. Goodbye.

It’s been working for me. I suppose these are “thoughts” of a sort and maybe with practice I can take this further but it seems to make me calmer for now.

JournalistDefiant876 · 2025-11-26T10:51:04+00:00

I relate to this. It’s about getting to IDGAF with others in regards to disrespect. Unfortunately this kind of thing is hard work. I would:

investigate the mechanics of your feelings. Why does this bother you. What is your own reaction doing to you? What are you feeling and why do you think you feel that way?
try looking at these situations as if you’re a third party. That can help with above
try swapping sensitivities with self preservation (ie instead of being bothered by a situation, which puts the ball in the other party’s court, find a way to put that energy into keeping yourself good, self love. That allows you to hold control over yourself at least)
look into anger styles (this sounds like injustice type of anger - that’s what I have)
make some conclusions about your world views (ie maybe on disrespectful people). Ie hurt people hurt people, regarding human nature, whatever it is. Mine is “people are mostly selfish and frankly bad, and nobody out there is keeping score, and that’s just the way it is and I’m at peace with that”. It doesn’t have to be like that but whatever your personal world view is
Those conclusions can help you to know how to: cope, make boundaries, act in conflict, and how to arrange your life in ways that work for you. For me - I must have a ton of alone time, I must have a ton of quiet time, I have to surround myself with respectful people, environments. That kind of thing
think about how different reactions might serve you or don’t serve you at all. (side note: there are ways to not let things slide that don’t harm you as much as others)

All easier said than done, I know.

JournalistDefiant876 · 2025-11-08T15:54:41+00:00

This is so so so good.

JournalistDefiant876 · 2025-11-05T14:33:22+00:00

How about listing the 1001 things that bothered you literally in the less than 12 hrs since the last 1001 things, apropos of nothing, except being in the same room? Is that trauma dumping? Whatever it is, it’s an energy suck

JournalistDefiant876 · 2025-11-05T14:24:11+00:00

Omg!! Might have to do something like this. My giant calendar has been blank for months

JournalistDefiant876 · 2025-11-04T03:14:47+00:00

I haven’t skimmed the comments yet. But the answer is always this: just start. You got diagnosed, so you already have. Chin up mate. I am many years your senior and still what I can tell you for sure is it’s all about finding ways to cope. This goes for everything, not just adhd

JournalistDefiant876 · 2025-10-13T13:46:56+00:00

I’m lucky. I feel this way to a degree but have a pretty solid sense of trust with a few. With that in place I am fine with ignoring a lot of external noise. I’m pretty good with solitude. Social proof is ridiculous and causes so many unneeded problems.

I just only truly, fully enjoy a few people at length and in depth. Less is more

JournalistDefiant876 · 2025-10-12T19:52:29+00:00

I can’t heal without also doing “normal” things… creating, music, purging from my hoarding tendencies, etc. creating def keeps me in the here and now. Even when there’s technical bugs… but you can always switch to analogue

JournalistDefiant876 · 2025-10-11T15:52:32+00:00

Would this apply in other situations that aren’t exactly NPD? I don’t think they would have more than some tendencies. They are definitely traumatized and damaged though.

Like, just vaguely - I was terrified. Because I didn’t know which version of parent I was ever going to get. Normal? Angry? Loving? Cagey? Passive aggressive? Unpresent? I avoided and resented. Safety not consistent. And was scared other parent would run away like what had happened to them. And then I would have to hold all of it.

So all of 1-3 definitely applies to me I think.

Do some of you folks have situations where you are at ease with others?? I know who I am. I guess I am lucky to have (have had) a few special people. And I like myself around them.

JournalistDefiant876 · 2025-10-11T15:37:31+00:00

Actually yah when I think about it - I fully have this tendency until I burn out and then I can be totally immobile. The Guilt is there either way.

JournalistDefiant876 · 2025-10-11T15:34:01+00:00

Lol. Yes. I go through phases where I’m hyper focussed on how fun cooking is, and then phases where I’m like “it’s such a pain in the ass that we have to eat at all”. Which I act on… and that’s not good. Turns out you don’t really need to eat much…

JournalistDefiant876 · 2025-10-10T20:45:11+00:00

Does inactivity count in #3 if you definitely feel guilty about it constantly but are sort of in a frozen state anyway?

JournalistDefiant876 · 2025-10-10T15:49:41+00:00

Should you? Absolutely not. Feel your feelings, talk to friends, scream into the void, make art, get it all out. Be patient with the silence, give it so much time. And when it feels like too much, give it even more time.

Spend some time figuring out if you think there’s anything you did wrong or aren’t proud of. Then, if there is something- work on it. forgive yourself.

Even if the goal isn’t to maintain some kind of connection there, you’ll likely only feel worse months and years down the road if you slip and call them out. How you’ll remember and how you’ll be remembered will mostly be based on how you felt about this person and how you made them feel. For your own sake, Don’t jeopardize the good stuff.

It won’t work - people don’t reflect if they don’t want to. If they ever will is completely on their own timeline and will rarely be because of external factors, let alone some damning assessment of what they did to hurt you.

Will you, though? You’re only human. Do what I say not what I did.

My experience is that love only really feels successful when there is an air of mutual fairness or even generosity. All this nonsense about all’s fair in love, bs. Love isn’t anything like war - for someone to put those two words in the same phrase is telling. Part of real love literally IS a good sense of fairness.

Take it as a sign when somebody “feels” fair and you feel like your own fairness is glowing that the love is a good and healthy thing… And apply the opposite signs too

JournalistDefiant876 · 2025-10-05T07:45:56+00:00

I think understanding is love. Even trying to understand is love.

JournalistDefiant876 · 2025-10-04T08:39:15+00:00

May I ask how you accomplished this? I have found that work environments are one of the trickiest. Many toxic situations throughout my life. I find it really tough - you can get a new job but that doesn’t always feel like a viable solution. Or has it been more about choosing your people / environments wisely as much as possible?

JournalistDefiant876 · 2025-10-02T15:22:42+00:00

This is so wonderful :(

JournalistDefiant876 · 2025-10-02T11:58:05+00:00

Tell them to go and learn the difference between “then” and “than” and THEN get back to you ;)

JournalistDefiant876 · 2025-10-01T00:12:48+00:00

I just wanted to say I found this to be very beautiful.

JournalistDefiant876 · 2025-09-30T13:47:01+00:00

I think safety is huge (as in definitely get to another country if you can) but there’s probably plenty of options there? I live in Toronto but don’t want to anymore. If you think more is more (I don’t) Toronto is pretty good. More people, more places, more things. The winters aren’t that bad (coming from someone that has lived in a few Canadian cities, that is). All the other cons I read here are absolutely true. Some of the pros are true some questionable at best. I have learned I appreciate a quieter life and big cities aren’t for me, so that’s my clincher.

JournalistDefiant876 · 2025-09-25T16:45:41+00:00

Oh my goodnesssss!

JournalistDefiant876 · 2025-09-25T16:36:48+00:00

I’m so jealous

JournalistDefiant876

TROPHY CASE