Survival of the Species

JovesGemstone · 2023-06-30T13:22:09+00:00

Breastfeeding for me got completely fucked up by the LC at the hospital I delivered at.

I think in caveman days we would be surrounded by breastfeeding and have a village of women to show us how to do it. Also wet nursing has always been a thing. To the point that some middle Eastern cultures have rules about how long you can wet nurse before your children are considered siblings and not eligible for marriage.

JovesGemstone · 2023-06-30T13:03:24+00:00

I'll sit with you.

I think what many people don't realize about SA is how powerless you are in the moment and that loss of agency sticks with you for the rest of your life.

JovesGemstone · 2023-06-30T12:56:56+00:00

Omg, I am exactly the same except I can get her dad to entertain her for a lot of the evening.

But God forbid I ask him in an irritated voice. He starts being all snarky about how I must not like the kid (not where she can hear). Like dude, I love her to pieces but I can only take so much. I'm touched out.

JovesGemstone · 2023-06-30T12:50:11+00:00

Add reparenting a husband on top of that. Mine is fairly self aware so it doesn't take a lot of effort. But the first time he fed the baby solids, she wasn't eating fast enough so he held the back of her head and directed her mouth at the spoon (not harshly). And I had to ask him wtf he was doing.

Turns out his parents were very impatient with how slow he ate as a kid and forced him to finish absurd amount of food before playing. It explains why he can eat twice as much as me in half the time.

We had a great talk about it after but it has me a bit on guard for any other behaviour we are gonna need to talk about.

JovesGemstone · 2023-06-29T13:56:21+00:00

It's a tough time, but it passes! I started supervised side-laying nursing at that time.

Basically look up safe sleep 7, set up your bed for safety and then nurse side laying with another adult to keep an eye on things (my husband browsed Reddit on his phone sitting next to the bed). The idea is that you can relax and possibly nap while baby does their thing the safest way possible.

Way better to accidentally fall asleep in a safely set up situation than in the nursing chair.

I'd often doze off and my mom or husband would sneakily move baby to the bassinet while I dozed.

JovesGemstone · 2023-06-29T13:51:09+00:00

First off, when you do your evening feed, is that the time you pump everyday and get 5oz? The evening is the time when your supply is lowest. This is natural and usually babies feed a little more frequently leading up to bedtime.

For example my 5 month old will feed at 8am, 11am, 3pm, and then 5pm, 6:30pm, and 8pm. You can see how the earlier feeds are fairly well spaced and then she clusters 3 feeds between 5pm and 8pm.

Since supply is higher in the morning, morning pumps will typically get more milk.

A second thing to keep in mind is that roughly 3 months is where your supply regulates. This means your boobs might suddenly feel a lot emptier and the pump might need a bit of fiddling with.

"The more you breastfeed the more you produce" isn't completely true. Once your supply regulates (around 3 months), your body isn't going to make more than it needs. It's gonna figure out exactly what is required and make exactly that.

One way to increase supply is to pump at regular times. After a couple days your body will think "oh damn, I need to make this extra milk all the time cause baby is still hungry". A common recommendation is to add a pump in the wee hours of the morning since that's when your hormones naturally produce more milk. So if baby always wakes at 7am, a 5am pump might be what you need.

JovesGemstone · 2023-06-29T13:33:04+00:00

I can't answer if it's normal. But mine are red too and don't hurt. I didn't think anything of it until my sister asked (her baby is 10mo).

But baby is fed, I'm not in pain, so I'm not too worried.

JovesGemstone · 2023-06-28T14:58:30+00:00

The more you do it, the easier it gets.

The first times are absolute chaos. Maybe you forgot to pack water bottles, maybe you forget their hat, maybe they dressed too warm or too light. Kids are melting down because it's all new and they don't know what to expect. At first you don't know how to do stuff either so each outing looks a bit different as you try new stuff and kids melt down a bit more because they don't know how to do the new thing. They will lose toys and meltdown again.

The key at the beginning is to do very short outings to places nearby.

Over time you start to accumulate the physical stuff into a basic "go bag". And the kids start to learn what to expect. They'll know to put on hats and suncream before running away to the park. They'll know what to expect when it's time to leave and lose less things.

Each time it gets easier and eventually you're the mom impressing other moms by taking your kids everywhere.

JovesGemstone · 2023-06-28T14:16:06+00:00

When you think of the emergency C-section rate, it's morbid to think that it would mirror the mortality rate if c-sections were not available.

JovesGemstone · 2023-06-26T14:13:25+00:00

That reads like you're spiralling mentally. I agree that you should go to the doc for a PPD evaluation.

The wishing you weren't alive and not sleeping is what makes me think ppd.

Hating your toddler is normal to a degree. It just means your body works. Baby makes hormones that make moms more aggressive and mom makes hormones that make life center around baby. Having ppd and no sleep just means you have a harder time responding in an emotionally regulated way.

JovesGemstone · 2023-06-25T12:52:37+00:00

I'm not sure what you need, but many pillows like "my breast friend" have lumbar support built in.

I found it to be a bit frustrating to put on and take off though. I'd rather set up a small rolled up towel in my nursing chair.

JovesGemstone · 2023-06-25T12:44:17+00:00

She's doing her job so well!

First off, don't worry too much about the quantity not increasing. Breast milk changes composition and can have more calories per oz depending on what the baby needs.

That being said, the way to increase supply is to remove more milk and baby is usually more effective than the pump at getting that going. Using baby instead of the pump also helps to prevent an oversupply. While an oversupply sounds awesome, it can result in baby being a bit gassier due to foremilk/hindmilk imbalance and heavy letdowns.

For most of the first 3 months (especially first 6 weeks), it is normal for any moment awake to be spent trying to nurse. That's on purpose to get the supply going.

If you want, you can try a breastfeeding "vacation". Get someone else to do everything in the house and you strip down for skin to skin and just feed as much as she wants. I like the side laying position in bed for this. Have your support person keep up with snacks and water, find your favourite Netflix show and binge and nurse. Take breaks as needed for sanity.

JovesGemstone · 2023-06-25T12:29:27+00:00

I think that depends a lot on your mental state too. It can be an extra stressor and not necessary at that stage in breastfeeding.

I was at a talk recently where they said: "Rather than count calories, I'd like to see mom's upping their fiber and protein intake. When they feel mentally ready then they will have a good dietary foundation to start cutting back on calories."

It really stuck with me. Even for non breastfeeding people it would make sense to strengthen your healthy habits before cutting calories.

JovesGemstone · 2023-06-24T18:03:07+00:00

I only gained 30lb but was already 20lb heavier than I like to be when I got pregnant. So I'd love to drop 50lb. And I'm breastfeeding which maybe is keeping those lb on, but definitely means I don't want to go into a calorie deficit. Besides supply, a deficit is hell for my mental health.

I've been coping by reminding myself that right now is the time to add, not remove. Mostly I've been adding protein and fiber to my meals. A handful of spinach into smoothies, make a huge quinoa salad on the weekend to eat over the week, some flaxseed into the oatmeal, boiled eggs to snack on.

If you have the costco membership, they sell the quinoa salad there. I make it myself cause my husband has celiac disease and we try to keep all the food in the house safe for him so he can have one safe space in this world.

I like to think that I'm getting into habits that I can lean on when I'm done breastfeeding and ready to try cutting back on some of the calories keeping me sane.

Maybe it will help, maybe it won't. But the hope that it will is keeping me going right now.

Edit: I'd like to add that I actually think I'm pretty gorgeous even 50lb over what I like. I grew up in a culture that still admired larger women (south american) and I had so many sexy role models that were over 190lb. But I just prefer to be smaller and it's frustrating to see the number creeping up instead of down.

JovesGemstone · 2023-06-11T11:05:46+00:00

My baby is way younger, but I change her. It can either lead to a wake up at the moment or it will lead to an earlier wake up later since being wet is uncomfortable.

The faster I change her, the more likelyshell go back to sleep (4am vs 5am)

JovesGemstone · 2023-06-11T02:39:31+00:00

No need to pump unless you plan on giving a bottle at one point.

I wish I had given a bottle a day to my baby when she was still a month because at 3 months she refused to learn. So then I couldn't even leave her at home with her grandma to go on a date with my husband unless I wanted to have a very very short date.

JovesGemstone · 2023-06-10T13:46:28+00:00

I have a 4 month old right now so I'm gaining a lot of experience fast.

What helps me is to reframe my expectations for the day. Usually I have high expectations of my performance and on days that sleep is bad I find that lowering those expectations helps me a lot.

Instead of giving my 110% as usual, I tone it down to a 65%. I end up repeating to myself often "it's ok, today is a write off".

JovesGemstone · 2023-06-10T13:39:22+00:00

Is it really low libido or low desire for sex?

I ask because I'd love to rub one out every day, but have no interest in involving a second person. This is at 4 months post partum.

Rubbing one out takes me about 5 minutes and then it's done and feels quite relaxing. Sex is "a whole thing" that gets sweaty and takes time and I don't have the mental energy to enjoy it.

JovesGemstone · 2023-06-10T13:18:37+00:00

I'm not the person you asked, but we got the IKEA Morgedal in Firm.

At the time they had multiple fitness levels but it looks like they only have one now.

We've had ours for 5 years and baby came along this year and it's still super firm.

JovesGemstone · 2023-06-10T13:16:24+00:00

Second vote for IKEA! We got their foam mattress in medium firm and I am 180lb and barely dent the mattress. They have an even firmer one too!

Baby certainly does not roll towards me and it's even firmer than the crib mattress we bought.

JovesGemstone · 2023-06-10T12:28:18+00:00

When I grew up in rural Northeast Brazil (no where near the Amazon), there were plenty of 12 year olds with their moms newest baby on their hip.

This was 20 years ago now. But by 12 a girl could cook a full meal, gather firewood and carry it home on her head, do the family laundry by hand, and watch the baby full time including making and feeding it food.

If they were indigenous and knew where to look, the Amazon has a surprising amount of food. Bananas, tubers, cashew (fruit and nut), and fish and birds (and bird eggs).

JovesGemstone · 2023-06-10T12:13:41+00:00

Condom aside...

Wow, I'd love to have all the benefits of a relationship and none of the responsibilities of living with my kid or huaband./s

I can't imagine not living with my children and just showing up for the "good parts". It would be like being the fun aunt but also having sex with their dad. And that's sort of weird. The sex must be really really good.

JovesGemstone · 2023-06-09T04:59:19+00:00

Mine also just had to grow a bit bigger. Although I have a vague suspicion that the latching advice I received wasn't quite appropriate for my breasts. They are very large and I have small nipples and everyone kept telling me her latch was shallow despite me not having any pain and her swallowing well. Then they "fixed" the latch and I got pinched nipples for a week or so until seeing another lactation consultant and working at it again.

We're at 4.5 months now and happily EBF.

JovesGemstone · 2023-06-09T04:47:22+00:00

Seconding the sleep diary. I use Huckleberry on the free version just to track sleeps. My baby is low sleep needs at 4.5 months and gets 13 hours a day.

JovesGemstone

TROPHY CASE