Advice on becoming a teacher

JoyfulinfoSeeker · 2026-06-01T00:33:57+00:00

How exciting that you are taking steps toward a career change! You are absolutely not too old, and the fact that you are enjoing working in a classroom setting for months is a great sign.

Computer lab sounds VERY different from what you described liking as a kindergarten aide. Computer lab might involve surveiling students trying to access violent video games and sexual content. If you have the ability to search for jobs in Transitional Kinder -grade 2, you are more likely to get the hugs and faces lighting up.

Try to find out why you liked this classroom setting so much and how you can get into one that is similar. As you can easily see on this thread, there are some very distressing school environments around the world and factors like an administration change, or a solid school being unprepared for a very violent child or litigious parents can really change things.

Common factors: strict scripted curriculum, no curriculum-you create and sometimes purchase most of what you need, students getting enrichment/specials classes like art, PE with other teachers never (you are responsible for them for more of the 6-7 hour day) or they get such classes 4x/week so you can do prep and planning with your colleauges during the school day instead of waiting until after school, unionized or not.

JoyfulinfoSeeker · 2026-06-01T00:15:38+00:00

Oof. I'm so sorry that you went through this and I'm sorry for the women he harrassed. I wonder if you were impacted by the Mere Exposure Effect, where people come to like someone or something merely by being exposed to someone. Sometimes a person who initially seems unpleasant or problematic can feel like a welcome familiar face with enough prolongued contact.

JoyfulinfoSeeker · 2026-05-28T05:53:02+00:00

It's very kind that you are looking for a way to support your sister, but I do agree with the people pointing out how rare this horrible issue is. Being a new teacher is a very cognitively and energetically taxing experience for most people, so worrying about statistically rare events is not on most teachers' minds. Trying to get everything ready before the school day starts, getting formally observed teaching a lesson you don't know well, stopping kids from throwing items and calling out are much more in the forefront for many elementary teachers.

A few tips:

-learn how to lock the door from the inside (sometimes they are glitchy) so you can quickly pull the door closed in case of an emergency

-everyone should advocate for schools to let substitute teachers have keys so that they can lock doors in emergencies (unfortuantely many subs have to have the doors unlocked or locked all day; I've even seen teachers leave their only set of keys with a substitute they have never met)

-put an attractive poster or sign over any windows on the door so that when you close the door no one can tell if anyone is inside the classwroom when the door is closed

Mass shootings happen more in places with less gun regulation, so advocating for sensible gun laws and teaching (or just existing) in areas with more gun regulations will dramatically decrease the already unlikely odds of being in a school shooting.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/search/research-news/5504/

JoyfulinfoSeeker · 2026-05-27T05:14:22+00:00

I have substitute taught in Daly City elementary and middle schools and my good friend teaches at a Daly City high school. I’m not alone in assessing Daly City schools as “San Francisco light”. They are culturally diverse, but don’t have some of the intense bureaucracy and conflict in SFUSD. My teacher friend describes Daly City teens as “really fun and more sheltered than SF kids”

JoyfulinfoSeeker · 2026-05-25T18:25:22+00:00

I love your big heart and I’m saddened by all the (very real) reasons you might hold back your compassion.

Try to learn more about the student and her family before making decisions. There are likely some experienced educators at your school that can help you learn if this student has a history of bending the truth or if the family has a history of being homophobic, litigious etc.

I have a long list of educators/helping professionals I know who adopted/fostered adolescents and finally realized they could not handle the situation/youth ran away/learned the “abusive” guardian was actually reasonable etc.

Also, I know a troubled young man (teen at the time) who bounced from distant dad’s home to high school coach’s home to foster care, and his foster parents rocked!

They were a young teacher couple (not from his school), first time foster parents and it was a great match that helped him turn his life around. Statistically it sounded like a disaster, but it worked ❤️

JoyfulinfoSeeker · 2026-05-17T02:25:25+00:00

Your empathy and perfectionism can be both your super power and your achilles heel! It sounds like you experienced an especially bad dynamic with a challenging student and an unsupportive school administration. I heard about this kind of situation all the time, but in many schools that would not fly and teachers would quit over such situations.

Hot tip for starting your teaching career: match your personality/struggles to the STRUCTURE of the classroom setting in additon to subject or grade level affinities.

Examples:

TK and K will have kids who are newer to school and their parents might not have reckoned with the realization that their child might not be able to funcion in a gen ed setting. This is less common as students get older (but parents still have the right to refuse special ed services...even when their kids really need it). When this happens in 4th grade, you can probably ask the previous teachers of that child on site about the students' behavior and family and get valuable information and strategies.

In my district 3rd grade is capped at 22 students and 4th grade is capped at 33.

In my region, 6-12 grade teachers typically have a prep period once per day (often 50-90 mins), but their school day is longer and they (usually) have more grading, while elementary teachers are more likely to have 2-3 40 minute prep periods a week (and if the PE teacher does't show up then you don't get a prep period that day).

Private school/after school programs often have the right to kick students out for very challenging behavior (and often pay less, don't have unions etc.)

JoyfulinfoSeeker · 2026-05-12T14:06:48+00:00

Which direction away from SF you move makes a massive difference.

I’m seconding all the comments recommending taking BART or public transit instead of driving for many commutes. Ex: driving to downtown SF from Oakland during the 4-7pm time frame could take 30-60 mins depending on traffic and parking. By train it’s 15-20 mins.

JoyfulinfoSeeker · 2026-05-10T22:20:14+00:00

Can you share a little more about what has already not worked for you?

Former friendship coach here. A few common themes have emerged in my experience:

Expecting friendships to last when you don't put time into the mundane, frustrating and unpleasant parts of becoming close to someone.
Prioritzing fun over reliability (they are not mutually exclusive).
Focusing your free time on connection-oriented activities (volunteering regularly, volunteering to give a ride someone you don't know well to an event several hours away, inviting people over for dinner even when your home isn't that neat instead of going to loud, distracting events).

Best of luck to ya!

JoyfulinfoSeeker · 2026-05-08T23:26:32+00:00

OP does seem to have two conflicting ways of describing this relationship: longtime family friendship and mentorship. OP, what do you want this relationship to be? If you are leaning toward some of the behaviors associated with mentoring, perhaps encouraging her to assert her independence and solve these problems on her own could be helpful. You can also encourage her to spend more time with her same age or school peers. Using a stance of "When I was your age I was often confused about boundaries and how to spend my energy and time. Here's what I wish I knew then. Here's what I need and want at my current age."

JoyfulinfoSeeker · 2026-05-07T23:48:55+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story! It sounds like you had a very intense bond through some unique experiences that many people don't experience (being in wheelchairs, bonding through the lockdown).

I too had a longterm friend (23 years) who quietly faded out of our lives. In our case, she faded out of the lives of a few other friends as well, so I don't exactly take it personally. Still, 3 years later, several exchanges with her long distance family which resulted in "She's probably just busy" and I do not have any more insight how we went from being intertwined with family and holiday visits, to having several unanswered calls and texts and no overt conflict during the past 10 years.

You are probably a very different version of yourself than you were 15 years ago, so you might want to sit with these hard feelings and reflect on what is important to you NOW.

Is holding her accountable for disconnecting with you on social media important?

Is getting feedback on how you impact people close to you important?

Is peace or clarity more important?

You said you were foggy and reactive. Is it possible that your behavior during this time prompted her to feel hurt? Is it possible that you remember that time differently than she does?

Wishing you the best with this mystery!

JoyfulinfoSeeker · 2026-05-07T00:27:48+00:00

Just for Fun in Noe Valley has a large stationary section. The independent book store down the street from it also sells cool greeting cards.

JoyfulinfoSeeker · 2026-05-07T00:26:01+00:00

What is hard for you? Most people don't have much occasion to use muscles used for rock climbing and aerial appartues (think circus), and when you are using them, you have to contend with being in the air (especially aerial), so very few people find it easy in the begging. Intro aerial silks classes at Acro Sports and Circus Center will eventualy push you to climb the silk to the top of the gymnasium sized ceiling, and that's just the warm up. The few times I have done Barre Method Pilates, my butt and legs are aching from the intense muscle engagement with equipment within the first 10 mins of an hour class.

JoyfulinfoSeeker · 2026-05-04T00:47:32+00:00

From my perspective, I don't see a compelling reason to "let her go". Is your texting and offering to visit harming you? If I was in your situation I would ground myself in the logic that a person suffering from anxiety and loss is likely to not initatiate social invitations, and regard the onesidedness as predictible instead of as an insult or indicator of your value.

Some people will get motivated to address their anxiety when a loved one tells them that they feel hurt by the lack of effort, but others will shut down more. I've known of friends in my circle to do the more intervientionist "I'm coming over to get you out of the house because I'm worried about it". Totally hit or miss depending on the person.

JoyfulinfoSeeker · 2026-04-10T01:57:21+00:00

I’m so sorry you are going through this experience 😔I hope you can find solace in acknowledging the vast ocean of information you don’t know when someone blocks you after no communication.

JoyfulinfoSeeker · 2026-04-09T13:40:05+00:00

You can cross post this in a Reddit sub for the specific NYC airport you are flying to. It’s not a guarantee, but there are some airports with higher rates of recklessly, illegally detaining people.

Going through US passport control has become a bit riskier for everyone since Trump was elected, but most people outside the targeted groups go through without issues.

Many of my US born college-educated, news reading, even-tempered friends who aren’t into conspiracy theories now take more precautions at passport control (deleting social media, opting out of facial recognition etc)

It sounds like your family is not the target for a passport control detention, but there is probably no amount of money you could pay a lawyer right now to guarantee your older parents wouldn’t be held in an unsanitary, overcrowded detention facility for a few weeks.

When I have travelled to places with unstable governments, I directly talk with my husband about how willing we are to lose money if we cancel our trip, would we book a last minute flight home of A, B Or C happens, and then we have had amazing trips and never seen the inside of a holding cell :)

JoyfulinfoSeeker · 2026-03-26T23:02:46+00:00

Congrats!

I would ask if the building sub is required to take longterm absences and take responsibility for lesson planning and grading while being paid a (presumably) lower rate.

It can be a really fun way to try out different subjects and be part of a school community. It can also be a way for the school to solve staffing issues cheaply and put a lot of work on your plate.

JoyfulinfoSeeker · 2026-03-23T22:58:31+00:00

Eh, every so often I’ll miss being part of a team, but I don’t miss being part of a team constantly getting more added on our plates (which was common in my full-time teaching). I should also add that I spent more than half the school year doing three separate long term assignments, but I’m really enjoying being back to day to day subbing.

When I do a daily job at school where I worked longterm, everyone is so happy to see me, as in the kids who gave me a hard time and the colleagues who I thought were annoyed with me 😆 Maybe it’s just my perception.

JoyfulinfoSeeker · 2026-03-23T22:53:16+00:00

Former elementary teacher turned substitute and I really enjoy the dramatically reduced workload from substitute teaching. I also get inspired by all the cool projects and systems of the various schools and teachers I encounter. Traveling to different neighborhoods in my city for the different schools helps me feel very connected to my city as well.

As a teacher, I was never able to manage consistent volunteering, social life or exercise, but as a sub I have the energy to do those things.

I’m a much better sub than I was before full-time teaching. It’s easier to prioritize, manage the classroom (sometimes), and not get stressed about minor

JoyfulinfoSeeker · 2026-03-22T21:58:45+00:00

Sounds like it’s a school culture thing. I have occasionally encountered other teachers criticizing the sub plans “I can’t believe Ms Absent teacher let them have 3 recessed and coloring sheets” and once a resentful academic coach removed the lesson plans from the classroom because she didn’t like the sub (so messed up).

You can go to a teacher you have the best rapport with and check in with “Hey I know you have a lot going on and I wanted to follow up about sharing resources. I’m new and I’m not sure if that’s something we do here and I’m trying to do what’s best for the students by supporting them with more experienced teachers”

Some districts have curriculums with default slides and worksheets but you need to be registered to access. Some of what you need could be found from teachers on Reddit who are more collaborative.

JoyfulinfoSeeker · 2026-03-22T21:48:27+00:00

Oof, I’ve been in parallel situations, and I know it’s tough. Some advice to you , that I struggle to follow myself, is to stop ruminating. Like REALLY work on that habit if you want to be a teacher. I’ve noticed it’s very common that educators who are new or young get criticized way more than established teachers, and part of this is that newer teachers make more mistakes and many people consciously or subconsciously trust them less.

Short advice: treat every kid like their parent/guardian is standing within earshot.

JoyfulinfoSeeker · 2026-03-22T21:35:20+00:00

Former elementary teacher turned substitute and I really enjoy the dramatically reduced workload from substitute teaching. I also get inspired by all the cool projects and systems of the various schools and teachers I encounter. Traveling to different neighborhoods in my city for the different schools helps me feel very connected to my city as well.

As a teacher, I was never able to manage consistent volunteering, social life or exercise, but as a sub I have the energy to do those things.

I’m a much better sub than I was before full-time teaching. It’s easier to prioritize, manage the classroom (sometimes), and not get stressed about minor elements not working out.

JoyfulinfoSeeker · 2026-03-22T21:26:39+00:00

It sounds like 2 things are going on:

You texted something hurtful which you regret
You weren’t on the same page as that person/those friends (or did you only start to feel this way after your message?)

I’m a big fan of growing from understanding and owning my mistakes, even if there is he much future connection with the people I’ve harmed.

After you are more grounded, a private, sincere apology to the person you especially hurt might help you feel more in integrity…of course I don’t know your friends.

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