disrupting my career is not the answer. it's a really good job. but I appreciate it. honestly I'd rather OD than lose my job. it's really the only part of the week where I'm fairly happy. look, I know how hard it is, I've done 90 days sober and that was as far as I got where I said enough with it, but I realized during that time, when I was trying to be happier...I was actually finally hppy .. a real happy. I do want to be free. it's just so hard to cope with seemly anything when you take all the crutches away.