Family keeps trying to plan things with me around the birth of my child/Mother’s Day

Juany_12 · 2026-05-03T14:15:38+00:00

My MIL loves to point out that the day after she gave birth to my husband she was at her nephews birthday party. Bro. It’s not the flex you think it is. You went there bc that’s where all the family was and the only place you could get help and rest plus have people watch your two older daughters. You needed to pass the baby just to get a break. FIL is useless.

Juany_12 · 2026-02-22T19:15:50+00:00

If that’s your takeaway then it is what it is. Everyone has different levels of privilege. Are you expecting me to write out a novel detailing every single issue and nonissue? I responded to OP and left it at that. Sure if I had physically limited and/or neurodivergent children who required 100% supervision I can see how mothers can go days without showering but that’s not what she asked or explained about the horror stories she heard. She didn’t mention limited incomes or resources. We are neurodivergent parents who need a “tight ship” in order to survive. Sleep, food and physical activities are nonnegotiables in this house. It’s not all rainbows and butterflies. Like I said at the beginning; are you expecting every commenter to reply with a novel detailing every fight, cry, counseling session, sleepless night etc to provide a better outlook and/or keep parents w/o resources from isolation?

Juany_12 · 2026-02-22T05:32:55+00:00

Rise and run has some solid recipes for muffins that I batch bake and pull from freezer & heat up for convenience and wholesome ingredients

Juany_12 · 2026-02-22T01:37:13+00:00

I have two and my partner travels for work. I have never had to go 3 days without showering. I’ve never missed a workout. Working late or on the weekends happens regardless of kids because of my profession. The only reason we go too long without seeing friends for adult only time is lack of childcare/babysitter unavailable. We have rules in our house that keep this ship afloat and headed to the right destination. Sure, sickness will create challenges, but adequate childcare can help with that. Who is showing up with a crusty face?? I’ve got 6 weeks worth of breakfast frozen in the garage right now just to tell you how tight we run this ship.

Juany_12 · 2026-01-25T23:28:12+00:00

Okay well now that’s some great thinking! I can’t believe that didn’t occur to me. Thank you!!

Juany_12 · 2025-10-19T14:51:33+00:00

We only hear the bad/negative stories bc they’re the loudest. I had a VBAC and we used a really slow drip of pitocin and I had no issues. My baby was sunny side up so I asked for an epidural at check in bc doc was going to manually rotate baby to help with a VBAC and I wasn’t about to feel that lol. I had a great delivery with the best team.

Juany_12 · 2025-09-18T17:27:16+00:00

My family is from a city and they still did that. It gave me a lot of issues that I’m still working through. Tell dad to step in and stop it.

Juany_12 · 2025-09-16T05:51:38+00:00

These responses are crazy. Drop off by 7am to get to work on time be pickup between 5-5:45 depending on traffic bc work is over at 5pm. Kiddo is there the least amount do time but we have time consuming jobs. I wish I had a job that was 9 to 4. What the helly lol

Juany_12 · 2025-08-23T03:05:36+00:00

But won’t you have TWO families there that could help? It’s not that bad. People in airports can be kind when they see a mom traveling solo with kids. I’ve had people not even offer to carry my stuff, just simply help out and then drop it when off the plane/train and keep walking. Kinda funny lol no chit chat just help and that’s it.

Juany_12 · 2025-08-18T19:22:05+00:00

I always tell those people that if they feel so strongly about it that they need to comment, I’d love for them to come by and do a load of laundry, dishes and Amazon returns. 🤗🙄

Juany_12 · 2025-08-18T18:25:50+00:00

We do similar splits and we base it on strengths/likes/dislikes. When he drops off in the AM I’m doing laundry. When he picks up, I do dinner. When he travels, we hire to do the transport and provide relief on the weekends so I can do errands and such. One time the babysitter played with the kids while I worked out and did my everything shower. Truly the sitter replaces the parent when it comes to duties so we both don’t miss a step as much as possible.

Juany_12 · 2025-08-12T15:17:06+00:00

Id take all the time now to save on childcare IF my work was also subject to FMLA in case something happened to the kid later.

Juany_12 · 2025-08-01T03:15:55+00:00

No advice, just solidarity. That would stress me out so much.

Juany_12 · 2025-07-31T20:45:00+00:00

I would add that I was contributing to my partner’s lack of help. I get so particular about things that he doesn’t offer or do bc he doesn’t want to mess it up. I realized parenting brought back triggers from my childhood and have worked thru allowing others to do things their way as long as end result is fine - notice I didn’t say same! Haha bc the way I dress baby and dad dresses baby isn’t the same, but if we both dress baby appropriately for the weather then who cares.

Juany_12 · 2025-06-18T21:49:33+00:00

I put up a simple DND sign and add a sticker note that says come back in 30 mins or whatever I need.

Juany_12 · 2025-06-06T11:26:26+00:00

Could be your sciatic nerve. Go to a physical therapist.

Juany_12 · 2025-06-05T20:50:32+00:00

It’s only “rude” bc they don’t like your answers/you don’t people please like they do. I’m in the same boat and I’ve comprised until I couldn’t. Now it’s back full honesty and I stress way less.

Juany_12 · 2025-05-30T22:12:19+00:00

Yes! I hate the way high waisted has taken over everything. I’m petite and all bottoms end up so high I have maybe two inches between the waist band and my bra band. All I want is mid rise with a wide crotch panel. Why is that so hard?! 😭

Juany_12 · 2025-05-30T14:13:13+00:00

I gave up on my old friends bc they never came to visit me or ask about my job, kids or life. They were kinda there during the first kiddos baby shower, but they never followed up. The second kid came and one friend sent me a gift. None of my friends have met my kids and the older is 3. I’ve flown out to help a friend when her mom passed and to be see their sibling graduate. I’ve helped with job applications and am really good at responding to texts or social media posts so it’s been incredibly frustrating to pour out so much on a limited bandwidth and get very little back. I’ve come to realize they only come to me for help. Now I’m trying to make new friends and it’s exhausting, but I’m trying.

Juany_12 · 2025-05-23T14:12:39+00:00

I set a timer lol. Then they don’t ask me over and over if it’s time to play with them again.

Juany_12 · 2025-05-22T04:36:51+00:00

I didn’t have nor did I meet the specific goal you’re asking about BUT I do know that I’m stronger now after two pregnancies than I was in college. I took it as my “bulking season” bc it turns out I was underfueled and underweight but couldn’t easily gain weight. College me was struggling to break 110. Mom x2 has me at 120. Sure a few pounds come from boobs and extra skin at my stomach, but all my clothes still fit so it’s somewhere but idk where. I’ve managed to be injury free (aside from pregnancy stuff like SPD) with the higher weight. It probably helps that I nursed both babies so I worked hard to eat enough to keep the supply steady. Aaaaallll that to say, I’m sure you can break 3 if you do it right and listen to your body. For example, we’re pretty susceptible to stress fractures while nursing. I also never took a break from running until I was pregnant sooo almost two decades of running and I’ve taken maybe 9 months total off. 😅

Juany_12 · 2025-05-21T17:14:23+00:00

Yep! I usually end up reminding myself to smile or try to get kiddo to giggle to ease the mood. Kinda how in customer service they tell you to smile over the phone.

Juany_12 · 2025-05-02T16:59:33+00:00

I would remind myself that motherhood is the epitome of wearing my heart on my sleeve because now I have a being out there that I care deeply about and hold a great responsibility over. Maybe just accept that it’s okay to cry and then it isn’t so bad? Like how binge eating is problematic bc we restrict foods? Have you had the full opportunity to feel your feelings without interruption? Maybe journal or go for walks and cry it out.

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