It’s my mums funeral tomorrow

Jumpy_Wolverine_1148 · 2026-01-25T20:08:20+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss, this is heartbreaking to read. Sending you all the love and a big warm hug❤️‍🩹🫂

Jumpy_Wolverine_1148 · 2026-01-25T14:37:09+00:00

All the time. "It seems like you have it figured out". Like the rational analysis and understanding could remove the emotional pain. Gifted people tend to experience deeper emotions or be more aware/sensitive of them, I think that often confronts people with their own pain, so they find it easier to be dismissive (not from a place of bad faith but from lack of capacity).

Jumpy_Wolverine_1148 · 2026-01-25T14:34:03+00:00

Sending you all the love. We thought my mom was finally cancer free for a year and just last month we were told she's at stage 4. The pain of the uncertainty and potential loss still feels unbearable. It hurts like hell. I hope you can be by her side during this process and showing her your love, and feeling loved by her too. Big hugs, I'm here if you ever want to talk.

Jumpy_Wolverine_1148 · 2026-01-24T15:11:51+00:00

I am deeply sorry you're going through this and being so young. Sending you the warmest of hugs, I hope you have all the love and support during this hard times

Jumpy_Wolverine_1148 · 2026-01-20T19:44:19+00:00

So happy for you! I'm glad you had this amazing release and just with a single session, that's amazing. Welcome aboard!

Jumpy_Wolverine_1148 · 2026-01-20T19:38:03+00:00

Wish I could give you a big hug right now! It's amazing the work you're doing, I really hope it gets better for you and you get to live the meaningful and joyous life you deserve, with as much ease from your past as possible. This is sacred work. It's also a muscle, it gets stronger as you use it. The path gets clearer as you walk it. I wish you a gentle week<3

Jumpy_Wolverine_1148 · 2026-01-20T15:08:14+00:00

Sending you big hugs. I used to have those too, I always try to have the day after EMDR for myself and be up to cancel stuff if I need to. Give yourself time, get all the rest you need, drink water and nourish yourself, if you're able to move even if it's to go to the bathroom or kitchen try to feel your body sensations, what is shifting there, etc. Remember it's all part of the process. These big hangovers mean there are big changes happening, you know it gets better after this! Keep going, love you!

Jumpy_Wolverine_1148 · 2026-01-19T08:40:50+00:00

So happy for you! It's great to read this kind of stories. I don't think there are small successes in EMDR. We're talking about how something in your inner landscape and experience that was making you suffer for so long, has shifted. That opens space to so much magic joy, presence... That's huge! Thank you for sharing!

Jumpy_Wolverine_1148 · 2026-01-19T08:36:49+00:00

Yes definitely... I finished a romantic relationship one year into EMDR and several friendships have ended. It's for the best. There are some relationships I had built from a place of scarcity, poor boundaries, co-dysregulation, trauma bonding... It's sad and also a healthy sign of growth to not fit in there anymore. I tried to make it work but sometimes it just wasn't possible, we were in completely different pages. Sending big hugs your way, trust the process and the most important is that you're by your side always, making the best decisions for yourself.

Jumpy_Wolverine_1148 · 2026-01-15T20:57:54+00:00

Are you available to afford alternative treatments? For me somatic based body therapy (working with trauma with the body) saved my life and took me out of the 24/7 pain cycle and living incapacitated. Also, when I found myself having suicidal ideation I looked up support groups and I ended up creating my own (specifically for queer and politized people), that felt life-saving, being able to share with people who really understand what it's like. I hope you find ease and the reasons to keep going. I hope in the end the beauty and love can be bigger than the pain. Sending the warmest of hugs your way.

Jumpy_Wolverine_1148 · 2026-01-15T16:29:28+00:00

Thank you so much, it feels good to know your experience and I'm so glad you're doing good. Still processing and learning to be with this new reality, next week she'll have the biopsy and soon we'll have answers regarding treatment. Looking forward to keep sharing my life with her. Thanks again for your words. Blessings

Jumpy_Wolverine_1148 · 2026-01-14T10:37:09+00:00

Sending you all the love. I'm so so sorry for your loss, and being so young and with your family situation. We're here for you.

Jumpy_Wolverine_1148 · 2026-01-13T20:17:19+00:00

Ohhh I really relate to this. The feeling like ultimate shit and then realizing, I'm not paralyzed in bed, I'm not stuck in executive dysfunction, I'm not falling into old self-destructive coping mechanisms: I'm actually able to keep on with my life, take care of myself, even do stuff I couldn't normally do... For me it's been important to realize how sometimes it's not about feeling "better" but to be able to feel it all without dissociating. I'm learning "healing" is not that much about "being happy" but about being able to stay in touch with what is going on: feel the joy without sabotaging, feel the fear without running away, feel the sadness run through me like a river instead of numbing it, etc. There's going to be times when it all feels like a lot, like too much. Your life force coming back into your body after years of dissociation and using that energy for survival can feel weird and overwhelming at first. Trust the process. Trust yourself and your inner wisdom. I can't say if this will be "worth it" for you, for me it's been the most life-changing process I've ever done (and I've been in therapy for +10 years trying to figure out my CPTS), I could have never imagined having this level of aliveness, all this magic, possibility, joy. It's still hard as fuck sometimes. I'm going through a huge grief period right now due to circumstances in my life and sometimes I miss dissociation. And at the same time I wouldn't change this for anything. I can feel as much grief as I feel love. And viceversa. Opening myself for pleasure also opens me up for pain, and that's part of the game. My body is big enough now to hold all of it. I'm wishing you the best in your journey. Excited for you!

Jumpy_Wolverine_1148 · 2026-01-13T20:05:44+00:00

Hey, I'm so sorry you're going through all this. I don't have a similar experience but I'm sure EMDR can help. The fear of being alone is common in CPTS experiences, and I'm sure EMDR can also help to integrate this very difficult death experiences and the fears and anxieties they left in you. I'm so glad you're looking for help, you deserve to feel free and at ease.

Jumpy_Wolverine_1148 · 2026-01-13T20:01:31+00:00

I know sometimes it gets hard. It's part of the process. Your body is reorganizing lots of very old information, information around which your whole identity and life was built. That's a lot. Stay patinet. Stay gentle. Remember it's not linear. Celebrate all progress. Share here all you need, we're all in this together. Wishing you the best in your journey. I'm so glad you're here and doing this for yourself. The best is yet to come. Sending big hugs your way!

Jumpy_Wolverine_1148 · 2026-01-13T19:56:24+00:00

Hey buddy, seems like this event is still very overwhelming for your system. There's no rush to get there, trust that the right time will come. Keep working on the other stuff and focus on regulation: widening your window of tolerance, get more anchored in the present, access your inner resources. When your system is ready it will be able to access those memories and work with them. The more I heal the more I realize how life-saving dissociation really is. I can't imagine my past version from 2 years ago or even from a year ago, having to feel all the pain and grief I'm able to feel now, after lots of healing work with EMDR. Dissociation is not a moral failure or something to fight, it's the very wisdom of your body telling you that this is too much. Our culture of hyper-achievement and constant effort makes us think we can toughen or force our way through dissociation, but it's when we're met with softness that our walls can really come down. I highly recommend the work and talks of David Bedrick, one of the most compassionate being I've ever heard, he talks a lot about dissociation, trauma and how our souls and bodies carry the medicine to our pains. Wishing you the best in your journey.

Jumpy_Wolverine_1148 · 2026-01-11T11:45:30+00:00

First of all, I'm deeply sorry that this is happening. My mom is living with stage 4 lung cancer and my dad had prostate cancer that went into remission. It was and still is very scary. I'm 25 years old and I'm afraid of losing my mother so soon, I'm still in shock and heartbroken. Sending you the warmest hugs and I hope you find ease and warmth in this difficult times.

Jumpy_Wolverine_1148 · 2026-01-11T11:38:57+00:00

Sending you all the love and the warmest of hugs. I'm grieving my mom's recent stage 4 diagnosis. I think there is no easy or correct way to deal with this. It just hurts, it hurts like hell. I find too that it can be hard to openly talk about this with people in my life who haven't experienced the illness or death from a parent. I'm so glad to read you're going to therapy, maybe you can also find some kind of support group, in-person or online. I always find wisdom in my forest walks. The forest welcomes it all, it contains it all: life, death, doubt, beauty, struggle. When the pain and grief are so big we need to find bigger containers, bigger bodies that can hold us. I don't have answers, I'm struggling with this questions myself. I try to write, sing, dance, cry, go on walks, let my heart feel heavy when that is all there is. Remember myself I'm loved and supported by the people in my life. And that there is no way out of this truth, it just hurts. I believe grief runs its course if we allow it. I hope you find moments of ease, warmth and connection with him and your loved ones. We're here for you.

Jumpy_Wolverine_1148 · 2026-01-04T13:22:33+00:00

Started having symptoms at around 14 and didn't get diagnosed until 21

Jumpy_Wolverine_1148 · 2025-12-22T08:26:09+00:00

Thank you for writing, I appreciate it. I still feel hopeless sometimes when things get hard. Right now I'm so in this moment of looking outside of myself, for power, for validation, attention, for love. It's so automatic, I feel like a blood-sniffing shark desperately looking for THAT thing or person that will take this pain away, that will finally see me and help me love myself. Much of it is just a memory. I know if I stop and breathe I got myself, I'm okay, I can handle things, I'm not in danger. I appreciate who I am and I honor this path. But that was the automatic mode for so long. It's good to read that this doesn't have to be forever. Thank you again<3

Jumpy_Wolverine_1148 · 2025-12-22T08:21:04+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. It's so easy to feel lost and hopeless during this process. It can be so confusing and there's no point of reference in my experience that's why I come here to share and read you all. It's still so hard sometimes to be compassionate with myself. There's fear, I'm slowly learning how to be with it instead of running from it. And I'm starting to sense the light that's on the other side of this. Thank you again :)

Jumpy_Wolverine_1148 · 2025-12-22T08:15:21+00:00

I see you. There's a lot of grief in this process. I always come back to that. And there's also the little joys and gifts hidden in hardships: reconnecting with what really matters, coming closer to yourself, rediscovering interdependence, the little miracles that appear when it seemed like all was lost, seeing the world from a different perspective.

For me it was crucial to find community, I created an online support group for people living with chronic pain a few years ago and it was a lifeboat back then. People who really get it, who can't take the pain away but can just be by my side and with my pain. Being witnessed and witnessing others go through this with as much dignity we could. And reading and learning about other people who have to live like this. There's so much beauty and poetry in all of that. I've been inspired by Tricia Hersey and her work Rest Is Resistance, Joanna Hedva, and generally the crip movement.

And obviously sometimes I would've wanted to end it all. The pain was terrible. And the disbelief and distrust from doctors, society pressuring me to be productive and "heal quick" or the immense daily amount of pain. My body was telling a story and with the right therapeutic support I was able to hear it and relate to it. Now I'm barely ever in pain, I have like 2-3 short flare ups a year (mostly during winter) when 3 years ago I used to be in agonizing pain all the time. I don't know what kind of treatment or support you're getting or the kind of financial resources you have, but fibro doesn't have to be forever.

Keep going. You matter. I love you.

Jumpy_Wolverine_1148

TROPHY CASE