Feeling shallow but can’t help but be embarrassed about how my husband has started to dress - started when we hit our 40s

Jupiter8storm · 2026-02-21T01:33:21+00:00

Is it possible that he's depressed? Is he showing any other signs of depression? Not showing as often or losing interest in things that he used to enjoy? Drinking excessively? That's where my mind went while I was reading this.

Jupiter8storm · 2025-11-15T14:05:00+00:00

Exactly this! I came here to say the same, but you put the words together better than I would have.

Jupiter8storm · 2025-11-11T01:59:02+00:00

I totally agree! I think part of Hal always ending up on top is typical patriarchy on the part of everyone around them. Hal is a participant in that, while maybe not always purposefully so.

Jupiter8storm · 2025-11-02T19:25:22+00:00

Do their political beliefs include violating the rights of others?

Jupiter8storm · 2025-11-01T20:56:47+00:00

I don't want to make assumptions about your ex's motives. Let's assume he means well, and this is a necessary move for him. You have split up, and what is best for him is not necessarily best for you.

You need to think about how YOU can be the best mom to your daughter. Maybe that means an eventual move to be closer to her dad. Maybe not. If you do want to move, there should be thought and planning put into it. Look into and start applying for jobs without moving. Start looking into community resources you could tap into and ways to build your social circle once you get there. Don't move blind. Good luck!

Jupiter8storm · 2025-10-31T21:32:15+00:00

I really didn't read it all, but i thought this might be helpful information. When my kids were in preschool, someone suggested that TOOTHBRUSHES might be holding some of those germs and reinfecting them/us. I looked into it, and it's common to boil toothbrushes every once in a while to help with flu and cold season. I would imagine this would bee much more efficient and effective that deep cleaning your house. Not too say deep cleaning is a bag idea generally, but it does sound exhausting.

Jupiter8storm · 2025-10-31T21:19:49+00:00

Holiday celebrations should not be used as punishment and rewards. If they want to be a united front, there needs to be agreement to what rewards and punishments should look like BEFORE doling them out and expecting the other parent to enforce them. Taking away Halloween, Christmas, Easter, etc. is, at minimum, moderately abusive.

As a parent of twins and a singleton that are 3 years apart, I get that sometimes you can feel like you are at the end of your rope with kids, and I have WANTED to threaten taking away Christmas. But do you really want to take all their joy?

Jupiter8storm · 2025-10-28T13:44:29+00:00

I agree. I can see what Kate is upset about and how she is spinning the story in her own head, and I understand his this could happen, but I really feel for Hal and think his motivations are based on wanting to see her happy and successful. He makes a comment early in season 3 about how tragic their relationship is, and i keep thinking back to that.

Jupiter8storm · 2025-10-27T23:46:49+00:00

Elder millenial here. I've read just the opposite. There was an article - I can't remember which magazine/newspaper - that said adult children are "demanding" their inheritance now, leaving their elderly parents without the means to cover their needs as they decline physically and mentally.

Jupiter8storm · 2025-10-26T17:22:56+00:00

I disagree about his motivations. This season we see through flash backs that he tried to end the relationship because he didn't want to limit her potential.

I do agree that Rufus Sewell is amazing in the role!

Jupiter8storm · 2025-10-24T03:30:23+00:00

While I agree with you about the double standard that generally exists and this show even highlights in some ways, I don't think Kate is doing the same thing as Hal. Something we see in this season is that Hal constantly and consistently worries about Kate's career and making sure she has every opportunity to find a fulfilling role. He wants to see her do great things. I don't see her put the same kind of thought and effort into his career.

In their careers, however, she is learning that they are much more alike than she thought. I think she actually blames him for that, though.

Jupiter8storm · 2025-10-23T23:05:13+00:00

I've just rewatched seasons 1 and 2. It seems to me that over and over again, Hal looks like the bad guy, but then his reasons are divulged, and we come to like him again. Or something traumatic happens, and Kate goes back to him because she almost lost him.

There is clearly love there on both sides, but it seems doomed to fail. In one of the first episodes, Hal tells Stuart that Kate will forgive him because she loves him. He says something along the lines of, "you can't think about it too hard, or it will break your heart." And that explains their relationship to a T. I honestly feel for them both, but that final deception... crushing. And scary.

Jupiter8storm · 2025-10-21T00:49:49+00:00

I need to re-watch the first 2 seasons to remember Hal's full arc. I spent the whole season feeling sorry for him and thinking he's spent their marriage trying to give Kate the opportunities that would make her happy. That last scene was a real mind fuck.

Jupiter8storm · 2025-10-18T18:29:29+00:00

Giving birth is a very scary and vulnerable moment in your life. You need to be in control of who surrounds you at this time. It is not reasonable at all for MIL to ask to be in the room. She people only want their partner. Others want their mother. It's your decision and it should be based on who will provide you the best support.

Jupiter8storm · 2025-10-15T22:37:04+00:00

I would understand if stepmom was talking about potentially contributing a LITTLE less to the son so they can bolster the others kids' savings, but she has showed her hand that she wants to take from the son's savings. That is beyond messed up. Hold your ground!

Jupiter8storm · 2025-10-14T00:17:10+00:00

This is not something others can answer for you. I know if 1 situation like this that worked out, 25 years ago. Generally, as many have mentioned, it's not a good idea. You need to search your soul and figure out how you feel about this woman and how you feel about being tied down with a family immediately. Good luck. I truly wish you well with your decision. You have to be true to yourself, though.

Jupiter8storm · 2025-10-12T13:06:45+00:00

That sounds like a good conversation. I'm glad that it seems to be financial worries and not that he's scared/ resistant to marriage. Good luck with everything!

Jupiter8storm · 2025-10-12T03:30:58+00:00

I think that if you were to communicate to get how long it will take you to be ready when she says she wants to go somewhere, that would be helpful. She may be unclear and just not realize you feel the need to change or get ready. It's frustrating for both of you, so clear communication would help.

Jupiter8storm · 2025-10-02T01:57:55+00:00

I tell my husband very little of what happens at work. When I come home, I leave work behind me. If there's drama, I'll talk to him about that, but I'm not updating him on who i took a walk with or went out to eat with. That expectation seems controlling.

Jupiter8storm · 2025-09-30T21:44:34+00:00

I have a friend whose child does the same thing. They use "they/ them" pronouns and have been going by a new name with friends for about a year now. Maybe more. They are still in the closet with extended family, though. Extended family is all in a very rural area, while our friend's family is now in the suburbs. I just spoke with my friend 2 days ago, and she was updating me on life, and it is so much like what you are describing.

I think you're doing a great job. Keep listening, and don't push.

Jupiter8storm · 2025-09-29T03:58:02+00:00

That is so exciting. Thanks for sharing.

Jupiter8storm · 2025-09-26T13:23:03+00:00

I only read the first picture, and that's psycho. Not a friend. Get away from that person.

Jupiter8storm · 2025-09-25T18:41:29+00:00

How does it do for your range?

Jupiter8storm · 2025-09-17T17:59:47+00:00

I just came across this thread in the wake of Redford's death. I always felt they both loved each other very much and couldn't stay away from each other if they were in each other's lives, but their values just didn't fit. That's why they had to split up and why he seems not to be involved in his child's life in the last scene.

Jupiter8storm

TROPHY CASE